


Nothing Good Comes From Me

by Mayumi_chan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Romance, Bad Luck, Break Up, But Eren Doesn't Know That, Curses, Dark Past, Depression, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Drama, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, Eren is German and Turkish, F/F, F/M, Fights, First Meetings, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, Like I Seriously Suck at Them, M/M, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Trust Issues, kind of, overreactions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-03-08 14:29:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 58,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3212531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayumi_chan/pseuds/Mayumi_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger is 18 years old and about to graduate high school and go to university. He's captain of the basketball team, good looking, and smart. Everybody envies Eren Jaeger, the beautiful, strong boy with the two-colored eyes.</p><p>But Eren doesn't want that. He can't be around people, and he especially can't let them get close to him. </p><p>You see, Eren is cursed with bringing bad luck to people. It affects everyone, whether they know him or not, but the closer you are to him, the worse it'll be for you.</p><p>There was one time, though. There was one time he actually let himself fall in love, which lead to a tragic accident and left him devastated. He vowed never to get close to anyone ever again, let alone fall in love.</p><p>But what happens when he gets to Trost University and meets a certain junior named Levi Ackerman, and the wall he's spent so much time building back up slowly starts to fall once again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mina Carolina

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This was just some stupid idea that came to me, but I think it'll be worth your while! I hope you enjoy this ^-^)/  
> Things start out heavy pretty quickly, so, be prepared for sadness. (/^-^);;;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren tells about his first and only love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This was just some stupid idea that came to me, but I think it'll be worth your while! I hope you enjoy this ^-^)/  
> Things start out heavy pretty quickly, so, be prepared for sadness. (/^-^);;;
> 
> Comments, Kudos, Bookmarks and Subscriptions are very appreciated!! :)

People would say I live a pretty enviable life. I don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging, but I know my aptitudes. I’m athletic, strong, popular, smart—not to mention I’m not exactly poor, (yet believe it or not, I have fallen _seriously_ in love once and I've only dated two people). I have heterochromia iridium, one eye being a "crystal like emerald blue-green," the other a "stunning gold," according to everyone who describes my eyes.

Yeah, I live a life most people would want, and you know what I have to say to that?

Take it.

If I could, I would give it to you, honest. Anything to finally be _normal_.

Let me explain. My name is Eren Jaeger, I’m 18 years old and a senior in high school and I have heterochromia iridium. I’m captain of the basketball team and an A-honor roll student. I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty good looking, too. Both guys and girls want me.

But I don’t want that… no, more like, I _can’t_ have that. The one thing I’d want in the world is friends, to settle down and be in a relationship- to live a _normal_ life. But I can’t do that. Why? Because I’m cursed with bad luck.

No, sorry, I phrased that wrong. I’m cursed with _bringing_ bad luck. And I would give up all I have if I could just be normal and make people happy. But all I do is hurt them… Anyone who gets close to me, something happens to them—whether it’s directly or indirectly. One girl nearly  _died_ because of me! It was _my_ fault.

It was back in freshman year, when I was 15. I’d known about the curse since I was in second grade.

Her name was Mina Carolina. She was one of the sweetest girls I’d ever met. I tried to get her to leave me alone, but she was so persistent. I figured maybe… just maybe this time everything would turn out fine. She was probably the closest thing to a friend I had had at the time. Actually, she was my only friend. My best friend. We’d been friends for about a month, and nothing had really happened. I figured maybe the curse had finally been broken somehow, and I couldn’t deny that Mina made me happy. And I definitely couldn’t deny the fact my stomach started to flutter every time we went out together.

I liked Mina. A lot.

It wasn’t just because she was my only friend, the only person whom I’ve talked to this long for years. The only person I opened up to… She didn’t just leave like the others, she wanted to be my friend, and I was grateful. Though, I began to want to be more than just that with her.

A week later we were at our usual hang out at Café Maria, a small place not many go to (most prefer to go to Trost mall and eat at their many places, but we preferred something cozier with a homey feeling, and since everything was homemade, we loved it). I decided to confess to her. It’s be awkward if she turned me down, but I knew we could get past it.

“Mina,” I had said. She looked up from her slice of strawberry shortcake and smiled.

“Yes, Eren?” she asked. I swallowed a lump in my throat. I’d never confessed to a girl before…

“I, um, I know this might seem kind of sudden b-but,” I cleared my throat, “I-I really like you. I mean, like, a lot. And I know you might think it’s because I don’t have many friends, but, I really think you’re special a-and I think we’d go good together, and just… Will you be my girlfriend?” I looked at Mina nervously, only to find her cheeks red and a smile on her face. She actually looked like she was going to cry.

“Yes,” she said softly. “Yes, of course! I-I’ve liked you for a while now… But I was scared you’d turn me down. If only I had your confidence,” she giggled, wiping a tear from her eye. I smiled. I was overwhelmed with joy. I was still worried that my curse would take effect on her, but at that moment, I remembered none of it. She liked me back, and that’s all I could think of.

I laughed and pulled her into a hug, kissing her head and she giggled.

About ten minutes later we finally left, laughing and talking, holding hands. That was probably the happiest I’d been since I was 9 years old.

And then everything went downhill.

A few weeks had passed since Mina and I started dating, and I was working up the nerve to try and kiss her on the lips. I mean, I’d kissed her on the cheek, her head, I even embarrassed her in front of her friends once by kneeling on one knee and kissing her hand (which resulted in probably the cutest squeak I’ve ever heard and the cutest expression I’d ever seen), but I’d really like to feel her mouth on my own… It’s cheesy but I wanted to see if they were as warm and soft as they looked.

So I decided, I’ll take her out Friday, we’ll go to that rom-com she’s been wanting to see, and I’ll make my move there.

So we went. It was 5pm and I had worn was some loose black jeans and a black shirt with a German-Turkish flag on it that she’d bought me on my birthday, then added my Doc Martins and a studded belt. I slipped into my leather jacket and went downstairs.

I had my father drop me off and told him we’d take a cab the rest of the way. He agreed and dropped me off at Mina’s house.

She looked absolutely beautiful. _Stunning,_ was a more fitting word, actually.

She wore a beige skirt that went just above her knees, and a white blouse, a lavender sweater over it and the blue scarf he’d gotten her around her neck (the same brand of his red scarf). Her hair that was usually in two pigtails going over her shoulders let down and curled, her lips shone with a touch of lip gloss and suddenly I felt like I’d under dressed.

“Wow, you look great,” I breathed. She blushed.

“You do too,” she said, and then her smile widened. “You wore the shirt I got you.”

“I couldn’t help it,” I chuckled, running a hand through my unruly hair. “I hope you don’t mind going by cab.”

“Not at all,” she smiled. Oh geez, I just wanted to kiss her right there, but he wanted this to be special. Not only would it be my first kiss with _her_ , but my first kiss _ever_ (like I said, I tried to distance myself from people). I couldn’t mess this up.

After the movie, we were standing outside the theater, laughing and talking about the movie, I stood in front of her as she leaned against the wall. We talked about the cliché romance, the funny scenes and I just watched Mina be all excited. I felt my stomach doing flips.

“Hey Mina?” I called to her, taking my gloved hands out of my jacket. She looked at me and I leaned in slowly, putting one hand on the wall near her head and the other resting on her shoulder. She blushed, knowing where this was going, but she hadn’t made any move to stop me.

And then I did it. I pressed my lips to hers, and it was such a _wonderful_ feeling. Her lips were soft and warm against my own and it gave me a warm feeling in my stomach. I loved it, and I wanted to feel it again and again.

We kissed for a little while before pulling away, smiling stupidly at each other. I knew I’d probably never feel like this again and by now had completely forgotten about my curse, I mean, how couldn’t I have? Everything had been going so perfect…

The next day I got phone call from Mina. She was crying.

“Mina?” I asked worriedly. “What’s wrong?” she tried to talk but couldn’t through her tears. “Hey, hey, hey,” I said soothingly, trying to calm her down. “Do you wanna meet at Café Maria?” she stuttered out a yes. “Okay, let’s meet up in five to ten minutes, alright? I love you, see you in a few.” I hung up and realized I said I love her. Blushing, I grabbed my coat and shoes, grabbed my bike and rushed to the café.

I had gotten off my bike and hurried inside to see Mina already waiting at our usual table. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

“Hey,” I said softly. She turned around and held me tightly, sobbing into my chest. I ran my hand through her hair and whispered soothing things to her. “What’s wrong, Mina?”

“M-my dad g-g-got fired f-from his job today a-and we can’t afford rent this month, and this is the third time so m-my landlord is threatening to kick us o-out of our a-apartment. I just—I don’t know what to do!” she sobbed. I knew instantly that it was my fault. I had forgotten all about my curse! We’d grown increasingly close, of course something was bound to happen! Of course I can’t be happy for once in my life… I held her close, stroking her hair affectionately.

 _I’m sorry_ , I thought, wiping the tears from her eyes. I kissed her head gently.

“E… Everything will be fine,” I said quietly, finding my voice. “I’m right here, and I’ll protect you, Mina.”

She nodded and sniffled, looking up at me teary-eyed and smiled. It broke my heart. I wanted to be with her—just thinking about leaving her makes my stomach churn in the worst ways, but I knew if I wanted her to be happy I’d have to stop associating with her some time soon… I love her, I love her so much it hurts and that’s why I need to let her go. The longer I’m with her the more she’s going to get hurt.

I had been wrong to get that close to her. All I do is bring bad things to people, and now I was ruining the life of the person I loved the most.

You probably think I’m over analyzing things, but I know I’m not. How I got this “curse” can be explained later, but, every time I get close to someone, their life starts going downhill.

I haven’t seen Armin Arlert since first grade. He was my best friend before I found out about the curse. He was my neighbor, too, I saw him every day and we’d hang out. And then one day… Well, that’s a story for another time.

Anyways, from that experience and other experiences I’d had in past events I knew that people weren't safe around me. Stereotypical have things have happened too! A flower pot almost falling on someone’s head when they walk with me, a car coming out of nowhere and nearly killing whoever is with me, walking past someone working and they almost fall off their latter—I’m a walking trigger for bad luck! And it’s worse for people I’m close to. The curse doesn’t let me have _any_ happiness, (at least not permanently), and now it’s happening again! I didn’t know (and still don’t) how to stop the curse and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before snapping.

When I was with Mina, nothing major had happened to her, yet it still affected everyone around us, and even that seemed less than usual, it was like… Like she was my good luck charm. My cure.

But nothing good ever lasts. At least not for me.

Now, back on track, I love Mina more than anyone and I wanted her to be happy—I needed to break up with her…

 _Not now, though_ , I had thought, _not while she’s so broken_ …

Yet I felt like the longer she’s with me the more broken she’ll be. I needed to do it soon. But it hurt to think about it, so for the time being, I just held her. I held her for as long as I could until I had to let go… Both literally and metaphorically.

Two days later I was walking outside with her, I was trying to cheer her up while her parents were trying to find a place to move to. She sighed.

“Maybe my parents would be better off if they didn’t have me to support,” Mina said softly. I frowned and stopped walking. She stopped at turned to me. “Eren?”

“Don’t say that,” I said, taking her hands in mine. “Ever.”

“B-but I mean, it’s not like I do much… I’m just deadwei—”

“ _Mina_ ,” I said sternly, squeezing her hands. “You’re _not_ deadweight. You’re beautiful and smart and all you do is worry about your parents and others. You’re selfless and determined and we all love you. You can’t be thinking like that.” She smiled lightly, wrapping her arms around my body, and I noticed just how much shorter she was than me. And it was really adorable, her head going just onto my test and it felt so right, like she belonged there. I wrapped my arms around her small body and she nuzzled into me.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” she said with a light laugh and wiped away her growing tears. _I wish that were true. I wish I could bring you the happiness you deserve…_ I had thought miserably.

As we walked the worst possible thing happened.

As we were walking, a man working on a building nearly dropped a cement piece on Mina’s head, but I had pulled her out of the way right in time.

“Mina!” I yelled, frantically jerking her away by her wrist. She yelped and fell on her bum, and the cement broke on the ground. “Hey asshole, watch your fucking step!” I yelled angrily at the worker. He apologized over and over and I finally left it alone when Mina called my name, standing to her feet. I kissed her lips softly and she giggled.

A car. And then a car came out of nowhere, and I couldn’t move her quick enough. I tried to pull her with me, as I saw it right before.

I came out unscathed and Mina flew back, flying against a wall and falling unconscious.

The driver came running out of his car, a horrified look on his face. I recognized him instantly as a man named Hannes. He came over for dinner a lot, a family friend.

“E-Eren?! Oh my gosh, I-I’m so… I can’t…” he was stumbling and tripping over his words. I couldn’t care less about his apology right now,

“Call the police dammit!” I roared, running to Mina’s side. He snapped out of his shocked daze and scurried to pull out his phone and call 911.

“Mina? Mina! Stay with me, Mina, w-we’ll get through this, you and me,” I said, holding back tears. This was all my fault. I couldn’t get her out of the way. I pulled Hannes here, it’s not his fault. I’m walking bad luck, a curse to everyone who comes near me. Hannes’ car got badly damaged, too.

Mina groaned softly. She’s still alive, but she was bleeding a lot, her blood making her once crisp white blouse a horrid crimson red. I gently touched her wound, her blood coating my hands. Tears fell from my eyes.

The ambulance arrived about 5 minutes later and the bleeding still hadn’t stopped. I’d looked at the medic helplessly while she gave me a sympathetic look before her and the other doctors worked to get Mina onto a stretcher and into the ambulance.

“You can come on, sir, so that if she wakes up she’ll see a reassuring face,” the strawberry blonde said.

“Thanks…” I muttered. But I was scared. Scared that if I got onto the ambulance I’d cause it to get into an accident. I’d cause even more pain. “B-but I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

“Are you sure? It’s really fine if—”

“Really, I’ll follow on my motorcycle. Having me on there would do no good for you guys or her.” And before she could say anything I jogged over to my bike and put my helmet on.

When we pulled up to the hospital and parked my motorcycle and waited for the paramedics to bring Mina out.

It was about 10 minutes later and I had to jog to keep up with the paramedics as they yelled for people to move and how this was a serious case.

In the hospital room Mina was hooked up to all this junk to help her breathe and stuff.

At first they wouldn’t let Eren in the room, telling him they needed to check on her and probably will have to do surgery. I screamed, insisting I stay, forgetting the curse and just… Needing to see her.

They finally let me 20 minutes later and his had a mask over her mouth and nose, giving her oxygen. I slowly walked to her bedside.

“Mina,” I whispered. She looked awful. Her usually flushed cheeks were pale and her expression looked so pained, her eyes were closed so I assumed she was asleep or knocked out by the drugs. “I’m so sorry, this… This is all my fault… If only you never met me.”

I felt tears streaming from my eyes and squeezed my eyes shut, gently taking her hand in mine.

I jumped a little when I felt her hand grasp mine weakly, and jerked my head up to look at her. She looked like she was trying to speak.

“Mina, don’t talk, you’re sti—” I tried, but she lifted her hand to stop me.

“Eren,” she croaked out. “I’m so, so glad I met you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You’re perfect and I love you. The doctors said that…” she took a deep breath, as if she couldn’t breathe, and for a moment I had thought my heart stopped. She breathed out slowly and continued. “The doctors said that I’ll need surgery, I’ll be okay. Don’t worry,” she smiled weakly, yet it showed her strength.

I nodded slowly and smiled back, placing a gentle kiss to her hand.

“How are you feeling?” I asked softly.

“Well I could be better,” she joked hoarsely, and I chuckled.

“You’re so optimistic. I wish I could have that mindset,” I said, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

“You’re just too pessimistic,” Mina said with a little laugh and then she coughed, wincing at the pain in her side. I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Mr. Jaeger, we need to start soon, we’ll need you to leave the room,” the same strawberry blonde nurse said, obvious sympathy in her eyes. Eren saw she looked like she was only in her early 20’s.

“Can’t he stay in here with me?” Mina pleaded weakly. She sounded even more tired than before, I figured the drugs must’ve been kicking in then.

“No, it’s better if I’m not in here,” I answered for the nurse. “I’d, um, just be a distraction.” Placing one more kiss on her head, I left the room, not looking the nurse in the eye. If I was there, there would be more of a chance of the surgery failing. I needed Mina to live.

I stopped in the doorway and looked at Mina before she could fall asleep and said, “I love you, Mina.”

“I… I love you too, Er… ren,” and then she fell asleep.

I waited outside on a chair next to the door. And I waited. And waited. And waited, until eventually I fell asleep.

“…ger Mr. Jaeger?” I groggily heard a voice, forcing my eyes open and trying to figure out where I was.

 _Oh, right, Mina got hurt really badly…_ Suddenly I was wide awake, eyes shooting open to find the nurse (I read now that her name was Mrs. Ral). She wasn’t looking directly at me.

Mrs. Ral told me the surgery had gone through well enough, but, not everything was fixed. They said the injury was too severe, and she’d already lost a lot of blood. It was a miracle she was even able to speak as much as she did, despite knowing she was so weak.

“So, she’s… She…?” I didn’t want to say it.

“She’s alive,” she assured me. I breathed. She wasn’t dead. That’s good… “But she’s in a coma,” my eyes widened at this. “It turns out something had hit her in the head too. The injury in her side was much more serious but during the surgery we noticed it, thankfully. She’s not paralyzed or a vegetable or anything, but, we can’t promise she’ll wake up anytime soon.”

“D-define soon,” I choked out, trying my hardest to keep my voice steady.

“… She probably won’t wake up any time between five to ten years,” Mrs. Ral said softly. I felt my knees go weak. _Ten **years**? I have to wait ten years to see Mina again? _ Were the only coherent thoughts going through my head.

My knees buckled and I fell to the ground, I stared at the ground as tears pooled in my eyes and then fell.

_It’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault. This is all MY fault!_

I cried and I felt Mrs. Ral wrapping her arms around me. Usually Mina was the only one who could touch me. I barely even let my own parents touch me, (for reasons I will explain in the future), but right now it hurt too much to do anything. I let her hug me while I sobbed uncontrollably, and I started shaking violently. I was having a panic attack.

After I nearly hyperventilated, the nurse sent me home, on my way out a man grabbed my arm. I looked at him and quickly turned away seeing that it was Mina’s dad, her mother right beside him.

“Eren,” he said, voice shaky. “How is she? Did the surgery…?”

“She’s… She’s alive. But she’s… She can’t…” I sighed. Her parents had always been kind to me. All three Carolina of the family were always kind to me, and I didn’t deserve any of it. None. “She’s in a coma.”

Mina’s mother gasped, tears instantly welding in her eyes and her father looked away.

“I-I’m so sorry,” I said, and they turned back to me. “This is all y fault… I-I couldn’t move her in time and the car just… If only I wasn’t such a waste of spa—”

“Eren, dear,” Mina’s mother’s calm voice came and I looked at her, then looked away. “Sweetie, none of this is your fault. You tried to save her, and that’s what matters. Of course, we’re devastated, but Mina is alive and that’s what counts. We have no clue how we’re going to pay for all for this though…”

“My family and I will pay,” I stated matter-of-factly.

“Oh, Eren we couldn’t allow you to—” Mina’s mother started.

“Then at least let us help. Please. I love your daughter, it’s… it’s the least I can do… Please,” I begged. Mina’s father sighed,

“If it will please you, do as you will, but you won’t pay for everything,” he decided.

“Thank you so much,” I said, hugging them both before they left to see their daughter.

* * *

 

That was three years ago. I was fifteen and now I’m eighteen, and I’ll be graduating high school in a month. I’ll be going to Trost University, a boarding school.

My parents were reluctant to let me go, but I insisted. I didn’t want to trouble them any more than I have already. My family is very lucky but my parents themselves have gone through many difficulties because of me.

I just can’t help but wonder what awaits me in college. I just hope that I’ll be able to maintain my façade and nobody will pay attention to me.

The wall that I’ve spent years building back up isn’t about to fall now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, um, I know the whole coma thing was a little, like... Idk. I don't know much about comas /.\ Like, is this even possible? This can happen right? Can you even talk that long before you enter a coma?? Can you talk at /all/ before entering a coma??? Sorry if this was inaccurate!!! ;0; m(_ _)m OTL
> 
> But yeah, an angsty fic for you guys~! -w-;;;
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! Look out for chapter two!!


	2. Armin Arlert (more of Eren's past)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren talks more about the curse and you learn more about Armin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii! Okay, so, like, umm... Well.. I feel like things are kind of going slow? But I think that these are essential parts of the sorry you need to know so bear with me<3 I promise things will pick up suuuuper soon! Enjoy! :D

“Hey, Eren!” called a voice. I started walking faster, not wanting to make contact with him, but I needed to go to my locker so I couldn’t really avoid him for long.

The moment I got to my locker he stopped next to me. “Eren, it’s really rude to keep ignoring me,” he pouted. I sighed.

“What do you want, Mylius?” Mylius Zeramuski was a junior on the basketball team. He never leaves me alone, he’s always wanted me to “mentor” him.

“Won’t you please, please, _please_ help me in basketball?” he begged.

“No,” I answered immediately, grabbing my stuff and closing my locker.

“But _why_?” Mylius probed, following me.

“I don’t have time,” I said, turning the corner. He continued to follow me.

“But the only activity your involved in is basketball!” he whined. My eye twitched in annoyance. I would tutor him if I could, really, but since I can’t, I won’t so he should leave me alone.

“School work, stuff going on at home, etcetera,” I muttered, still trying to shake him off. He can’t follow me to my classes (although he’s tried to).

“It’s just an hour! You’re the best on the team, Captain! I wanna make it to the first string!” he begged. Almost to my third period class. Just gotta get through this.

“Then talk to Nac, he’s just as good as me,” I said. Nac Tius was another guy on the team. Good guy, strong-willed and determined. He and Mylius seemed pretty close, I didn't get why he didn't just ask _him_ for help.

“Nac is a good player, but his specialty is dunking, I’m too short for that, and I’m better at three-pointers!” he droned, continuing to pester me.

“Then talk to Thomas,” I insisted grouchily.

“Thomas isn’t near as good as y—ow!” someone stepped on his foot, then someone else bumped into him and he dropped his stuff, then when he bent down to pick up his stuff someone else tripped over him and they both toppled over. Like I said, bad luck.

“Really, Mylius, I can’t help you, I’m sorry. I would if I could,” and then I hurried to my calculus class before he could say anything else as he hurriedly tried to gather his stuff up.

Walking into class, I let out a sigh.

“Mr. Jaeger, please take your seat,” Ms. Brzenska called to me gently. My calculus teacher’s name was Ms. Riko Brzenska, she’s really nice but strict, and that’s what I like about her.

“Yes, Ms. Brzenska,” I responded, walking to my seat while she reminded me once again that Ms. Riko or just Riko was fine.

I sat down in my usual seat in the back. I sat next to Thomas in most of my classes, but he’d only talked to me when I spoke to him or he had no choice. It wasn’t like he was being rude, though. He was respectful and polite and saw that I didn’t want to speak to anyone. Mylius can learn more than just basketball from him.

“Okay, class,” Riko started, standing up after the bell. “Take out your homework.”

* * *

 

Halfway through class, we’d finished our work and had a free period. I stared blankly out the window before I felt Thomas tap my shoulder. I looked at him but didn’t say anything.

“Um, this may sound kind of weird since we don’t talk a lot, but, at yesterday’s practice you said you’re going to go to Trost University, a-and I was just wondering why, I mean, you can go to school anywhere! You’re an A-honor roll student and you have a 16,500 dollar scholarship! I mean, you could get into Sina University, if you wanted! You’re one of the only people in Trost High eligible to go, so why waste it going _there_?”

“I’ve been planning on going there ever since I was in middle school,” I stated simply. “I’m not changing my mind now.”

“But you have the chance to go to the best college in Trost!” Thomas said, raising his voice, causing some people to look at him. He looked at them and then sighed, turning back to me, brows furrowed. I frowned and looked Thomas straight in the eye.

“Yeah, Sina’s a great school. The best. I could do so much there—for both my athletic and academic education! Do you think I don’t know that? I could get _real_ popular there, right? Of course I could! But I don’t _want to_. Get it, Thomas? I’m going to Trost’s University for personal reasons, did that occur to you? That I have a life outside of basketball and all that shit? I can still get a good education there, I can still play basketball there, so what’s the big fucking deal?!” I stood up abruptly ad he flinched. “I’m going to Trost University. It’s a good school and it’s away from anybody I know! So fuck you and your motherfucking reasons! It’s my choice, dammit!” I felt angry tears brimming my eyes. Everyone was staring at me so I turned and ran out of the room, just as the bell rang.

I ran blindly, passing classes and ignoring everyone. People started heading for lunch but I pushed through them. I ran through the gymnasium, and out the doors into the warm air of early afternoon.

Then I stopped. I stopped and I sat down. I let the tears fall from my eyes, knowing nobody would find me for a while.

I hated myself. I can’t be normal, I can’t go to Sina because they know me. I know people there. If I go to Trost I’ll have a fresh start. A chance to make myself invisible. I won’t talk to anybody, I’ll just be there. Away from my parents. My dorm-mate will probably just ignore me if I ignore him, so hopefully I won’t cause too much trouble for him.

I wish I could have friends. I wish I could be known for my talents. _I wish I had Mina here with me_.

Mina… I felt the tears coming harder and I started shaking. It’s happening again. I’m panicking. I feel my breathing start to come out in short breaths as I tried to breathe. I felt my chest tighten. What if she never wakes up? What if even after she wakes up something happens? What if I never break the curse? What if I’m never normal?

_I’ll never be normal. I’ll always cause pain for people, whether it’s only a little or minor things or something as serious as Mina, I’ll only ever be a nuisance._

**_I should just die._ **

I felt a laugh in my throat. It was ridiculous how unrealistic my life is. The perfect boy who can’t please anyone. I laughed. I laughed through my tears.

This is ridiculous. My life is ridiculous. This curse. Is ridiculous. _I’m_ ridiculous.

I laughed even more, my tears coming to a stop. I probably looked like a madman.

I took a deep breath, wondering how things would go in college. One month and I’ll be in college. I’ll be anonymous. I’ll still join basketball, but I don’t think people will pay attention to me if I completely ignore them (unlike I did here). Even if I’m talented, good looking, or any of that—people won’t want to talk to a hostile bastard who ignores everyone.

 Trost Uni. is a mediocre school. It’s not amazing like Sina, but it’s not awful like Rose College. Rose is a small college with low rates. It has no real strong points and people usually only go there to either be close to home or because it’s the only place they got accepted to (they accept anyone, really).

I looked around. I felt like ditching school but all my stuff is in my locker. Maybe I can sneak back in and then leave… Although leaving wouldn’t look good on my record, and I know the school would be telling Trost about this little “incident.”

You could say I overreacted with the whole college thing, but people just don’t understand. _I_ don’t even understand, so how the hell can I explain it? “Oh, yeah, I’m going here to get away from everyone and know so I can stop giving them bad luck and let them live peacefully, since I’m cursed and all.” That’s not how life works, dammit!

Let me explain what _exactly_ the curse is and how I found out about it. You’ll also hear a little about Armin Arlert (my best friend in first grade), although talking about him is almost as painful as talking about Mina. Almost.

When I was in first grade, everyone gave me funny looks because of my eyes. Some asked me if I was sick. Then there was Armin.

I already knew who Armin was since he’d lived across the street from me (we’d played together in the park a few times, too), but he never said anything about them. Then he told me my eyes were pretty, and that he knew I wasn’t sick. I told him that I know I’m not sick too and they’re being dumb and he laughed.

So we ate lunch together and talked. This one brat named Hitch told Armin that my “disease” was contagious so he shouldn’t sit with me, but Armin ignored her and stayed. I stuck my tongue out at her.

It’s easy for me to remember little details since I don’t have many memories where I’m socializing.

Anyways, I never noticed that my presence is what caused people to fall and such, I just thought that everyone was really clumsy.

Once my teacher had been walking behind me, and a bird flew through the window and into her hair. Another time, my principal had come into the room to present something a rather, and chose me as a volunteer, and once I had come up a bee came out of nowhere and stung his lip. All the windows were kept closed after the whole bird incident so I still really have no idea where it came from.

Now, there’s something you should know that I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet.

The closer you are to me, the worse your luck gets.

I was waiting for Armin so we could go wait for the school bus together like we normally do, but he didn’t come out and I ended up going alone.

I had another friend, too, his name was Marco Bodt. When I got on the bus he called me over.

“Hey, Eren!” he smiled brightly. I’d always thought was some sort of angel because he had the brightest smile I had ever seen and was nice to everyone, and everyone was nice back. He didn’t have temperamental issues like I did (and still do, I’m not gonna lie), but him and Armin were my best friends. He and Armin always stuck up for me when people made comments about my eyes or anything. “Where’th Armin?” he asked, confused. (Marco had a really bad lisp in first grade.)

“I guess he’s sick,” I said, sitting next to him. “He never came out of his house.”

“Really? That’th tho thrange, he never mitheth thool,” (That’s so strange, he never misses school) Marco said, glancing in the direction of Armin’s house.

“I know right?” I agreed. “Even when he’s sick, he comes. I hope he’s okay,” I said, swinging my legs back and forth.

“I’m thure (sure) he’th fine,” Marco assured me.

The next day Armin came out of his house. I grinned widely.

“Hey Armi—” I stopped short, noticing something was off about him. “You alright?” I asked. His eyes were red and his hair a disheveled mess. He shook his head, and looked at me with teary eyes. Then he just lunged at me and hugged me tight, sobbing into my shoulder. I hugged him back.

“M-my mom died yesterday…” he said quietly. My eyes widened. What did he just say? She died?

“W-what? How?” I asked, holding Armin tight. I lead him back to his house, knowing he wasn’t going to school, and I wasn’t just going to leave him like this.

“Apparently she’d been diagnosed with cancer,” Armin said shakily.

“Di… Diag… What?” I asked dumbly. Armin had always been really into learning about knowledge, so he knew a lot of “big words” that I didn’t.

“It means that she got cancer from somewhere. They found out on August 7th, but nobody told me, I thought everything was fine… Why did this happen?” he sighed, bringing in a shaky breath and letting it out, more tears spilling down his cheeks. This may not seem significant to you, but August 7th is when Armin and I first started talking.  “She’s always been healthy a-and I just… Why? Eren, my dad shut himself into his room and he won’t come out. He hasn’t eaten anything, either, I’m so worried!” he sobbed.

I hugged Armin and let him cry until he calmed down.

I left a few hours later when my dad came to get me, he looked really worried so I told Armin I’d come by again soon. He nodded and I left.

“Eren, why didn’t you go to school? We were worried sick about you!” My dad demanded, eyebrows furrowed as he pushed up his glasses.

“Armin’s mom died of cancer yesterday, and he needed me,” I said simply. I heard the small gasp from my mom. They were really good friends. “And Armin said his dad hasn’t eaten anything since then, and he looked really sad so I couldn’t just leave him.”

“Eren,” my mom said, kneeling next to me, “if you’re going somewhere, you need to tell us. Okay? We need to know where you are at all times. I’m glad you were helping your friend, but please, next time tell us.” I nodded. I didn’t see what the big deal was, though.

“Okay,” I shrugged.

“Eren, promise us you won’t run off,” my mom said again.

“I already said, okay,” I mumbled. My mom sighed.

“You’re a strong boy, aren’t you?” she said quietly, caressing the side of my face gently where my golden eye was. She always did that, and I didn’t understand why. They always looked me in the eyes, but it was different from regular contact, I could tell even back then.

“You always say that,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “It’s weird.”

My mom let out a breathy laugh.

“Yeah, I guess it is pretty strange,” and with that she kissed my head and went to her room. My dad ruffled my hair and followed her. I shrugged and flopped on my couch, turning on the TV and watched cartoons.

* * *

 

The funeral was not an easy thing to watch, Armin’s grandpa was there, and Armin’s dad was there, I was there, my parents were there. Those were the only faces I knew.

I didn’t cry for Armin’s mom. She was like an aunt to me, but I figured crying wasn’t going to bring her back. I was still really sad, don’t get me wrong—I’m still sad to this day. If things were different I’m sure Armin and I would still be friends.

Everyone walked up to say their last words to Armin’s mom. As I walked up to lay a white rose down (those were her favorites), the moment I stepped in front of the casket the leg of the table holding her up cracked, the casket opening and her body nearly falling out, had not Armin’s dad and my dad catching it (and her). I jumped back, startled.

It was completely sturdy, so how did it crack? It was a brand new one… I swallowed a lump as I listened to Armin’s choked sobs. My heart ached. I placed the rose down and hurried back to my seat.

I didn’t get it.

As Armin’s dad gave his eulogy, Armin tried to stop his soft cries as he listened to his dad’s choked up voice, trying to hold back his own choked sobs at the loss of his wife.

“Sierra was… She was my world… She was so healthy, so where the cancer came from is still a mystery…” he took in a shaky breath. “But, she’s in a better place now, and there’s nothing we can do about it. She died with no regrets and we should all be grateful we knew her. She was a joyful, kind woman and Armin meant the world to her. She thought of Eren as another child and I know we’ll all miss her, b-but she’s moved on and…” he looked down, stepping away from the podium, unable to finish as tears streamed down his face.

It was hard. The Arlert’s were like a second family to me. I know this hurt them a lot. Armin’s mom always worked out and she always ate healthily…

I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand it was my fault. My presence brought this on. Sure, you could say that “it’s a disease, they come out of nowhere,” and “curses are strong but it’s not possible to let them bring on a disease.” All I have to say to that is you _don’t know_.

This curse is… Maddeningly horrible. Diseases, sickness, accidents… Anything bad you can think of, I can make it happen. By will? No. It only happens to the people I least want it to happen to.

Once my mom fell ill because she insisted on spending time with me even though I insisted on not. They knew about the curse. They told me about the curse. That was the worst day of my life. That was the day they told me everything. The day I realized my place in this world was pointless. No… Not pointless… My existence on this earth was corrupted. _I’m not normal_. I was a mistake waiting to happen—no, I _am_ a mistake waiting for happen…

I let out a roaring yell as tears spilled from my eyes. I stomped and kicks and punched at nothing. I knew that if anyone were to see me they’d think I’d gone completely mad, but I couldn’t care less.

I took off running. I don’t know where I was running to, but I was running. I ran and ran, down the street, turning at random corners, my tears blinding me and I nearly ran into people several times but I didn’t care.

I ran until it hurt. My legs aching, my throat stringing and my lungs screaming for me to stop.

I came to a halt. I panted and tried to suck in all the air I could. It wasn’t working, I couldn’t breathe, I grasped a nearby fence and dropped to my knees, my legs unable to hold my weight any longer. I let out choked sobs which didn’t do any good to my lungs.

Sobbing, I let out choked yells between my coughs and gasps for air.

_I hate my life. I want to have friends, I want to go to parties, and I want to spend time with my parents—I want… I want… I want to be normal…!_

I let out another yell, heated and despairing. My chest ached as I looked around with blurry eyes. I realized I was by myself. I blinked the tears out of my eyes and rubbed the remaining away. I let out a shaky breath, trying not panic again.

 _What am I even doing…?_ I thought bitterly, shakily standing to my feet only to fall back onto my knees. I gripped my jeans tightly and squeezed my eyes shut.

 _What is the point of even going to college? All I’ll do is cause trouble for everyone I meet…_ I sighed. I didn’t feel like crying anymore, and I didn’t feel like yelling anymore, I just… Felt tired.

The last thing I remember is the clouded sky before I fell asleep on the ground, leaning against the fence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yeah, maybe I stretched a bit with Eren's breakdowns, but I needed /something/ and I kept getting writers' block xP
> 
> Look out for chapter three~! (If you have any questions my Tumblr is thatanimegeek.tumblr.com! /.\\)


	3. Eren Wakes Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes up in someone's house. How did he get there and whose house is he in?   
> (You get to see more of Carla in this chapter, too, btw <3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey! I updated! :D Okayokayokayokay I know that this is going kind of slow paced, but there'll be a time skip next chapter to graduation, and Eren saying good bye to his family and stuff. It'll be a short-ish chapter, tbh, so look forward to it. Things should start picking up in chapter five tho :'D
> 
> Enjoy~!!! Thank you for reading!!!!
> 
> Comments, Kudos, and Subscriptions are always appreciated!! <3<3<3

When I woke up I had no clue where I was. I wasn’t outside where I last was… I looked around. I was inside… At home? No, this wasn’t my house.

“Are you awake?” came a female voice. I jumped, jerking my head to the side to see who spoke.

“W-who are—?” I tried, but she cut me off.

“You’re in my house,” the girl stated simply. “I was walking home and saw you laying practically unconscious on the ground, and it was about to storm. I tried to wake you but you were sleeping like the dead. I thought you were sick or something and didn’t want you to die.”

“I, um, uh thanks…” I mumbled. Then she started to walk closer to me. “N-no!” I practically shrieked. She stopped and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t come near me.”

“Why?” she asked. She was around my age, with long black hair falling past her shoulders and silvery eyes. She looked Asian. “I just want to help, I promise.”

“I don’t care! Y-you should have just left me, really… Nothing good will come from helping me,” I stated, standing to my feet. “I appreciate your kindness but this alone will due. I need to get home.” And so I pushed past her and ran down the stairs, searching for the front door, and once I spot it I ran out.

But something felt off… I touched my neck and cursed under my breath.

My scarf. I forgot my scarf. Why’d she take it off me, anyways?! Dammit, can’t care right ow. So I’ll be chilly, no big (Well, I mean, I guess it’s silly to wear a scarf in summer, but I liked it. It wasn’t that important though, I’ll live). I looked around. Where was I anyways? I have no clue where I went after I ran out of school.

“You’re on Maria Avenue,” the girl said. I turned around, startled. “You forgot this,” she said, holding up my red scarf.

“Just keep it, I’ve got another at home,” I mumbled. “Do you know how to get to Trost High from here? I can find my way home from there.” She raised her eyebrow yet again to me.

“You ran to that park from Trost High?” she asked, eyes wide as if she couldn’t believe it. Now it was my turn to raise an eyebrow.

“Yeah, why?” I asked. I doubted this place was that far from my school. I could barely run a mile without tiring out.

“Trost High is five miles from here,” she said. I stared at her. _Five miles_? Either I was r _eally_ out of it, or I ran longer than I thought! What the hell…?

“Umm, exactly what time did you find me?” I asked hesitantly.

“Around 2pm,” she said. Okay, so I ran out of school at around 12pm… It had to have taken me at _least_ an hour to get there. But, still, running just one mile takes me an entire hour to run _two_ miles!

“Uh, wow, uhh… Well, anyways, can you tell me how to—?” I started, but she cut me off again.

“I can give you a lift,” she offered. “My name is Mikasa, by the way. Mikasa Ackerman.”

“Yeah, hi, nice to meet you,” I said rudely. I didn’t want to be brash toward her when all she’s shown me in kindness, but if I want her to be okay, the last thing I need is for her to be nice to me. “I’ll be fine, just give me directions.”

“It’s too far for you to walk, isn’t it? I mean, I know you ran all the way here, but you seemed to be pretty tir—” Now _I_ cut her off.

“Look, uh, Mikasa,” I started, giving her a bored look, “what good does it do you to be kind to me? I appreciate it, but trust me, nothing good will come from it. So please just leave me alone. All I want are directions to Trost High, and if you can’t give them to me, I’ll find my way back myself.”

She frowned at me, but didn’t say anything. I sighed. I reached in my pocket and pulled out my phone. The battery was at 67 percent. I texted my mom telling her I’ll be home in a few hours and not to worry then put it away.

“Thanks for all the help, Mikasa, but I’ll be fine now,” and with that I took off before she could object.

“Ahh…” I mumbled, looking around. “I’m definitely lost…”

I sighed. Nothing looked familiar. I haven’t even seen that park I ran to, and the street I was on was small and basically empty so I had no chance of finding a taxi or a bus. Usually, he’d try to avoid being in large groups of people for any reason, but he really needed to get home or his parents would worry sick about him.

He looked from house to house. If he was going to get out of here, he’d need to ask someone for directions. He hadn’t gone very far when he ran from Mikasa’s place, so he was still in the same neighborhood, just a few blocks down.

I walked to the house that was closest to me. It was a blue house, with a lovely garden in the front sprouting beautiful roses.

_Gee, I hope I don’t ruin those like I do everything else_ , I thought bitterly.

I walked up the steps of the house’s front porch and rang the doorbell.

“Coming!” I heard a woman say. I shoved my hands in my pockets as I waited for her to open the door.

It took a whole 30 seconds before she opened the door, just as I was contemplating leaving.

“Sorry for the wait,” she apologized with a shy smile. She looked like she was only in her early-to-mid-twenties. “Can I help you?”

“Um, yes, sorry for the bother but can you tell me how to get to Trost High School from here?” I asked with a shy smile.

“Ah, Trost High? My little brother goes there,” she said with a smile. That’s nice and all, but all I want are directions, lady. “Do you know Mylius Zeramuski?”

“Uhh, no,” I lied quickly. I didn’t need Mylius to know I was here. Why do I keep running into shitty situations? “I’m sorry if I sound rude, but could you please give me directions to Trost High, please?”

“Oh! R-right, of course, sorry,” she said, smiling apologetically for getting off-topic. She offered to drive me but I politely declined. After she gave me the directions, I said thank you and took my leave. “You have beautiful eyes, by the way!”

“Thank you, Miss!” I called back with a polite smile, then quickly ran in the direction she told me. Sure enough an hour and a half later I was back at Trost High. I sat on the steps on the front to catch my breath. My feet hurt, I definitely didn’t want to walk back home.

I leaned against the wall and breathed. The moment I get home I’m just going to lay there. On the floor. I will probably pass out from exhaustion. Ugh, and I have morning practice tomorrow, great.

Three more weeks and it will summer vacation. I’ll be a college student…

Was I looking forward to being a college student? Duh. Who wouldn’t be? I just wish I could actually make some friends there, but at least now I won’t know anybody. If I don’t know anybody I can make myself invisible. If nobody notices me, nobody will care about me. I won’t hurt them.

Still, as much as I want friends, I don’t exactly see the point in having them. They’re just going to go away at some point. You make friends in elementary school, and then they either transfer or hang out with other people. Then you get the high school. You sob at graduation, promise to hang out with your friends when you go to separate high school, and then make new friends. Then there’s college, work, and so on and so forth. Friends come and go, no matter how badly you want them to stay. So why have them, right?

This is at least how I think to make myself feel better. Friends hurt you, I hurt them, so it’s best to just keep away from them. It’s the right thing to do, right? The best thing to do for myself and them, right?

I felt tears welding in my eyes again and quickly blinked them away. Gosh I’m such a baby. I should get home already…

“I’m home!” I called tiredly. I walked to my room and flopped onto my bed. I sighed. Today was a long day…

“What took you so long to get home, Eri?” my mother asked, suddenly in my doorway. Eri was her nickname for me. [A/N: Eri is Eh-rhee, so the “R” is rolled ^^; Pronounce it how you’d like ^0^)/]

“I, uh, something came up and I got lost…” I mumbled.

“Your school called,” she said quietly. “Did you have another breakdown? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine… I had a minor breakdown and ran away, but I’m fine, honest…” I lied, forcing a smile. I couldn’t look her in the eyes. I never can. Not after I found out about the curse. The beauty in my eyes… The beauty that everyone else saw was hideous to me. It’s rare for me to look my parents in the face anymore.

“Eri, please, talk to me,” my mother pleaded, her voice sounding broken. I clenched my fist. I was hurting her again. “I know you’re not alright, but I don’t care what you say, I want to be here for you and talk to you… You’re going to college soon, Eri, I’ll rarely get to see you… Please, just for a little bit,” she begged me.

It was true… After I went to college I’ll rarely come home. The less I’m here the better for my parents. But I’ll miss them so, so much…

I turned over in my bed and scooted to the wall, and I heard my mother breathe a laugh as she came and sat with me.

“Just like when you were younger,” she said quietly, lying next to me and combing her fingers through my messy hair. I leaned into the touch, missing the feeling of my mom so close to me.

“Mom… Why do you love me?” I asked. Her hand stopped moving for a moment before continuing to comb through my hair.

“Because you’re perfect, Eri,” she replied gently.

“I’m defective,” I nearly growled. I felt my mom flinch and I turned to face her, hugging her and burying my face in her neck. “I should have never been born. I wish you could have a normal son so that you could be happy. I wish _I_ was normal so I could actually spend time with you!” I felt tears stream down my face. I hated snapping at my mom, but she wanted to hear what I thought, so that’s what I’m doing.

“Eri, don’t say that stuff about yourself,” she said, and I could hear the hurt in her voice and I snuggled deeper into her warmth. “You’re beautiful, athletic, smart, and _my child_ , and I wouldn’t want you to be any different than you are. I love you, for you, even if you don’t want to spend as much time as I’d like with you.”

“I do it for your sake," I said, gripping the fabric of her dress.

"I love you, Eren," she smiled sweetly, kissing my head.

"I love you too,” I mumbled.

After about ten more minutes of her and I laying on my bed in a comfortable silence, she got up to go make dinner. After she closed the door I hugged myself, already missing the warmth of my mother, and wishing I could feel it more often, but just them being in the same house with me can cause them problems.

I sighed and turned onto my back, staring up at my ceiling. Three more weeks… Then summer… Then college…

I considered going to a boarding school, but I figured I’d prefer to stay where I can see my parents at least _sometimes_. I sighed as I grabbed my iPod and headphones and turned * _Purity_ on high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The song is Purity by Slipknot btw <3<3<3)
> 
> asjlkdnis;adnisai;fuaijzk Don't judge meeee ;-;
> 
> So yeah, a bit of a shorter chapter ;w;
> 
> Anyways, yeah, haha poor Eren ;o;
> 
> So I'm not really sure about this chapter but I hope it was worth your time at least~! Look out for chapter four!!!! :DDD
> 
> (If you have any questions or anything else, my Tumblr is thatanimegeek.tumblr.com /.\\)


	4. The Last Day of School/Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Eren's lat day goes, and then skipping to graduation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should really finish my homework.... (short-ish chapter ono;;; )

Today is the last day of school. Well, the end of it, at least. The day went as normal except no classwork and just good byes, signing things, exchanging numbers and all that social media stuff. I had all the numbers of my team and my coach, but that’s it.

All the girls are crying and promising to see each other again. All the guys are saying bye to their friends, and saying “we should totally hang this summer.”

And then there’s me. I stood by my locker, cleaning it out and closing it.

I have no memories to really cherish at this school. I mean, sure I have my winning basketball games, but it’s not like I can remembering celebrating with the team. I wanted to. I really, really wanted to go out and celebrate with them.

It’s funny. I cause bad luck, yet we won most of our games. It’s horrible because I have the best luck but I bring the worst luck, if that makes any sense. I wish I could’ve been better friends with my team. Thomas, Mylius, Nac, Marlo—Hell, I’d even like to get to know Daz! But I think the whole team (besides Mylius) hated me for being so cold to them.

So I was really surprised to walk into the gym and find them all waiting for me.

“Uh, hi guys,” I said kind of shyly. Mylius giggled.

“Eren getting shy? That’s a first,” he hummed, bouncing back and forth on the heels of his feet.

“What is all this?” Eren asked, looking around to see a table full of food, balloons strung, and a poster saying “We’ll Miss You!!!!” on it.

“What does it look like?” Nac asked, with a roll of his eyes, but he had a huge smile on his face. “It’s a going-away party for you and Tommy!”

“I already told you to stop calling me Tommy, Nac,” Thomas scolded with a roll of his eyes. But he was smiling too.

“I, um, w-wow… Uh…” I really had no clue what to say. I didn’t deserve to be a part of this! I barely interacted with them, yet they still want to say goodbye to me? Thomas deserved this way more than I did—I don’t even know why I’m the captain!

“Don’t get so flustered, Eren!” Mylius laughed, jumping over and swinging an arm around my shoulders. Nac followed him and pointed a finger in my face.

“And we’re not letting you leave this time, got it?” Nac told me. “This is probably the last time we’ll see each other, you know? Let us enjoy it at least a little!”

I stared at him. Crap, I felt myself tearing up. I’m such a wimp.

“Aww, you’re so cute, Eren!” Mylius laughed. “You probably thought we didn’t like you, right?”

I froze. Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought. All I did was blow them off.

“What? Seriously?” Nac asked in disbelief. “All we’ve wanted was to get to know you! But you’re always busy, and I guess that’s because you’re a senior and all, but even when we were freshman you always had something to do. You’re cool and mysterious, and an awesome captain!”

I felt a tear run down my cheek. Why is everyone so good to me? I don’t deserve it! It’d be better if I was dead and yet… And yet they all wanted to get to know me…? I quickly rubbed the tears from my eyes and I heard my team chuckled and giggle.

“T-thanks guys…” I said quietly.

“Well, come on now,” Daz started, smiling in earnest for once, “it’s a party! Let’s have fun!”

“Ahh, if only Hannah could be here~,” Franz hummed dreamily. Franz and his girlfriend Hannah were so lovey-dovey it actually was quite sickening sometimes.

Mylius and Nac dragged me over to the rest of the team.

My team was made up of nine guys, not counting myself. Nac Tius (junior), Mylius Zeramuski (junior), Samuel Linke-Jackson (junior), Thomas Wagner (senior), Daz (sophomore), Franz Kefka (junior), Boris Fuelner (junior), Marlo Freudenberg (junior), and Tom (sophomore). (I go to a mostly German school). Wow, I just realized we have no freshies. Aren’t I observant? Anyways, we were a small team, but we had a good thing going for us. Oh, I almost forgot Coach Pixis—the chillest guy you could meet.

I prayed. I prayed really hard that nothing would go wrong because of me. These guys deserve the best. Please, please, _please_ don’t let anything go wrong!

Maybe the universe does let me have my moments because the rest of the day we ate and had fun and talked.

I actually had fun and it almost felt like we were friends.

And I wish it could’ve been like this all year. Now I’m leaving. I’m not going to see them again. I’m going to be alone again.

“Alright guys, let’s take a picture!” Mylius said, bouncing to us with his camera.

“I don’t wanna,” Nac said, trying to leave the room, only to be pulled back by Mylius.

“Don’t care! Come on, just of the team! Pleeease!” he begged. Nac sighed.

“Whatever…” he mumbled, a slight smile playing his lips. Mylius set up his camera and we got into position, me and Thomas in the middle. Mylius set the timer and ran to join us.

“Cheese!” he laughed, jumping in the middle of Thomas and me and stringing an arm around my shoulders and Thomas’. “I’ll e-mail the picture to everyone~!” Mylius sang. I realized I’d had a big goofy grin on my face for the picture. I felt happy for a moment. I wish I could always feel like this…

“You guys are great,” Thomas laughed. “I’m gonna miss you guys.”

“We’ll miss you too!” Marlo said respectfully.

“You don’t need to be so formal, Mar,” Thomas chuckled. “Oh! Eren, did you decide who will be the new captain of the team?”

I nodded. I thought about it for a while. I was supposed to tell them earlier, but I wanted to wait until the last day of school. Coach Pixis knew who I picked, though.

“The new captain will be Mylius Zeramuski,” I stated firmly.

“E-eh?!” Mylius sputtered. “ _Me_?” he asked in disbelief.

“Of course, don’t look so surprised,” I smiled. “You’re determined and persistent and a leader. I trust you’ll lead the team well.”

Mylius was tearing up now. He wiped his eyes.

“T-thank you, Captain!” he sobbed, a huge smile of his face as he looked at me with sparkling eyes. I ruffled his hair.

“Nothing to be thanked for,” I smiled.

* * *

 

_Graduation_

The ceremony’s outside and Thomas is the valedictorian. He gave his emotional speech about how he’s made so many memories and friends, had up and downs, won games and lost games—yada, yada, yada.

Then the dean called up the graduating students proudly. I ignored most of it, but listened out for my name.

“Eren Jaeger,” she called. I stood up, praying I don’t wreck this. I stood up, faking my most convincing smile. Sure, I was glad, I mean I’m graduating! Of course I’m excited. I’m just too nervous to put on a real smile and show it.

As I walked up the stairs of the stage, people cheered and applauded, just like everyone. Some girls on the cheerleading team were giving me flirty looks and calling my name. I smiled at them and they squealed to one another.

I took the diploma from the den, shaking her hand and letting them take a picture of us—and right when they did a bird decided to do its business right on her head. And that’s how the picture came out.

The photographer told her that we could do another one after she cleaned up so she dismissed me for the time being and put the ceremony on hold, which meant the ceremony would drag on even longer and we were only halfway through the senior class.

 _Wait to go, me_ , I thought bitterly as I bit my lip. Sometimes, I think I can feel a spark come out of me. I only feel that little shock when something goes wrong. It’s as if a little wave of bad luck goes out and hits whoever or whatever it wants.

Maybe in college if I stay isolated enough I won’t mess anything up.

* * *

 

Graduation ended an hour later. Everyone was with their families, taking pictures, crying with friends, same old, same old. I looked at my parents.

“Can we go home now?” I asked softly, once again wishing I was normal. If I was normal I’d have friends to introduce to them, pictures to take with those friends, and my parents could be glad I had a good social life. Instead they worried that I’d never have any friends.

Some girls think it’s “hot” that I’m so mysterious. Some girls have even approached me, but I politely turned them down telling them I was in no position for a relationship, though I was flattered.

“Of course, dear,” my mother smiled. My dad grabbed me by the shoulders firmly before pulling me into a hug.

“I’m proud of you, son, don’t forget that,” he whispered, dropping something in my pocket. “Don’t look at it until you’re in your room.” I nodded and we all walked to the car in silence.

* * *

 

When we got home I kissed my mom and hugged my dad again then went up to my room.

When I got up there I closed the door and locked it, reaching in my pocket and feeling something cold. I grasped it and pulled it out. A key, it was attacked to a long black string. As I pulled it out a paper fell with it. I strung the key-necklace-thing around my neck and unfolded the note.

_Eren. A negative plus a negative is still a negative, but a negative times a negative is a positive. Find a strong enough charge, and that positive will surface. I’m proud to be your dad. Always keep a positive outlook, okay, son? Your mother and I love you very much and hope you do well in college. Once you find that spark I’ll show you what’s in the basement like I promised when you were nine (or was it twelve?)._

_-Love Dad_

What the hell did that even mean? When I find a “spark”? Whatever. I appreciate the sentiment at least. I do remember something like that happening… Yeah, when I was nine. Cool.

“Nine!” I yelled from my room.

“Thank you!” my dad yelled back.

I have no clue what he means though. How will I know when I found it? Ah, well, whatever. Probably just words to make me feel better, right? 

I’m sure it’s not all that important. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! Hi...  
> So, I wanted to wait to post this chapter until I had chapter five written out, too because that's when things start picking up, but I finished the chapter and I got lazy and ugggh, yeah. So, here it is~! A little bit happened here. (and yes, Eren's key will come into play (at some point....)) *runs away*
> 
> Also, idk, I just see Mylius as this super adorable guy <3 (probably because I saw him making a meow face in the chibi specials =w=;;; ) I hope you enjoyed! Look out for chapter five! (I do have a plan for once, so it shouldn't take too long to update~~ ^-^)/ ^w^)
> 
> Any questions or suggestions: thatanimegeek.tumblr.com <3 :3 -w-;;;


	5. The First Day of University

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's first day of university doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of angst in this one... Don't hate me! *runs*
> 
> This is quite a long chapter, sorry ono;;;
> 
> Also, Levi is partially introduced :D
> 
> Anyways,I finished this like, two minutes ago and I'm uploading it in school, lol -w- 
> 
> Enjoy!!!! :'D

I grabbed my bags and gave my parents a final hug goodbye. It was my first day of college and I needed to unpack and all that stuff. My parents offered to drive me there, but I told them I’d be fine in my own car (I don’t mean to brag, but, I may or may not own my own 1976 Mustang… Having a doctor for a dad has its perks. Another reason people envy me, sadly).

The drive to Trost Uni. was a pretty uneventful one… Except for when I stopped at a red light and a bird flew into my windshield (I may or may not have let out a girly shrill when it ~~scared~~ startled me). I quickly pulled over to check on it. It lived, somehow. Dammit, I’ even a threat to innocent animals! I found a box of tissues in my car and made a larger opening in it, laying it down inside.

“Don’t worry, little bird, I’ll help you out,” I mumbled.

* * *

 

The bird died. Or, more like I killed it. It was writhing around in pain and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do much even when I got to the dorm. I wanted to put it out of its misery and I felt awful about it. I sighed, getting out of my car and locking it. Already people were whispering about my car and “who’s that boy” and “is he rich”.

I know what you’re thinking. Probably something along the lines of “for a guy who doesn’t want to bring attention to himself, he sure is doing a shitty job.” Well, I can appreciate a good car, can’t I? (It’s not like I didn’t help pay for it, I’m not so easily spoiled.)

I walked into the lobby and got my schedule and my key then made my way up to the third floor. Room 345.

As I made my way up to my dorm I observed my surroundings. Trost wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t small. It was decently sized and I liked it.

Once I got up to my dorm I took out my key and unlocked the door. I saw half of the room was already taken so I figured my roommate had already been here. Shrugging, I dumped my bags onto the empty bed and flopped down next to my stuff.

“Is someone in here?” I hear a voice call out from somewhere else in the dorm.

“Yeah,” I called back with a yawn, flipping onto my side and facing the wall.

I hear footsteps coming into the room.

“You must be my new roommate,” the guy said. “Nice to meet you.”

“A pleasure,” I mumbled, not turning over.

“I’m Connie,” he said. “Connie Springer."

“Eren,” I responded monotonously.

“So you’re a freshman?” he asked, not leaving me alone.

“Same as you,” I respond blandly, still not facing him. If I act like I don’t care then he’ll have to leave me alone eventually, right?”

“What’s your major?” he asked. I finally turned and looked at him, giving him a bored expression. Connie had a shaved head and was pretty short, wearing a plain green t-shirt and loose blue jeans (with his fly open, if I might add) and no shoes.

“Look, Connie, I just got here, I just wanna relax,” I stated.

“Yeah man, that’s cool, we’ll catch up later,” he smiled and ran and jumped onto his own bed. I sighed, shoving my bags to the floor and pulling my phone out of my pocket to send a text.

 _I made it safe to my dorm, love you guys_. I sent it to my mom, and then tossed my phone to the side.

* * *

 The rest of the day was uneventful. I saw my classes, met my teachers, yada, yada, yada.

When I went back to my dorm I finished unpacking and then went to bed before Connie came back.

* * *

 I woke up to my alarm at 8:00am. I didn’t have any classes until 11:00am, but I’m not one to sleep in. It took me a moment of fumbling with my phone to turn off the alarm.

Apparently, Connie is one to sleep in, because I just barely dodged a pillow coming my way.

“Dude, do you always wake up this early?” he half growled, staring at me with sleepy and irritated eyes.

“Yeah, sorry,” I apologize, standing up and stretching. He groaned and fell back on his pillow, falling back asleep almost instantly.

I grabbed a pair of black joggers and a grey, long-sleeved V-neck, grabbing my headphones and turning on my Stone Sour playlist (Corey Taylor is great, what can I say?), and went out for a jog.

I never wear short sleeves anymore. Not even when it’s unbearably hot. Why? Because I cut myself. Or, I used to. After Mina’s accident, all I did was blame myself (and I still do), so I decided it was only fair for me to be in pain too. I did that for months after Mina’s death… Actually I don’t think I quit till right before junior year. I’ve been clean for a year now. Yippee.

I still have scars though. They’re not as noticeable as when I first started, but I don’t need people inferring stuff (I wrapped my arms in athletic tape in basketball games).

As I took my daily morning jog I noticed the sky was getting kind of cloudy. Early rain was probably coming soon. I loved the rain, but I don’t need to get a cold on my first day. I only jogged half a mile, too. Sucks.

I ran back to the building and walked inside, just as it started raining. Lucky me.

It’s only 9:15am… What to do in the meantime?

I decided to walk around campus. I think I remember there being a little café somewhere near the dorms…

Turns out it’s a café built into the building. Cool. I saw some other student who I saw earlier but they paid no mind to me (luckily). Some girls were checking me out, though, but none of them approached me (so far so good).

“Hello, may I take your order?” the cashier smiled. He was a tall guy, with a kind smile yet quite shy, even though he looked like he could beat the crap out of anyone he wanted. He had short black hair and he had to be at least 6”2.

“Uh, yeah, can I get a coffee? Black is fine,” I said. I hate black coffee, but I need the pure caffeine.

“Alright, just wait one second,” the tall guy smiled. His name tag read “Bertolt”.

After I got my coffee I walked to an empty table, one farthest from everyone else, and drank my coffee in peace, listening to Evanescence on my phone.

It was about 10 minutes later when I had finished my coffee, finally. I got up to throw the cup away when I suddenly heard someone call my name.

“Eren?” the voice called. Wait… What? “Eren Jaeger?” Who knew my name? Nobody knows my name except Connie and I never even told him my last name! I jerked around and went pale at the sight, my eyes widening in horror.

There stood the very same person whom I moved away from twelve years ago.

“Ar… Armin…?” I stuttered, more to myself than to him.

“Ah, it really is you!” he said with a huge smile.

“Who’s really who?” somebody else asked. Oh my gosh… is that—

“Marco! Look, it’s Eren!” Armin said, turning Marco and pointing at me.

“Eren? Oh wow, it is Eren!” they had huge smiles and all I could do was stare horrified at them. The two people who I didn’t want to hurt the most were back in my life. I moved away for the sole purpose of not hurting them anymore!

I quickly turned away, snatching my phone and shoving it into my pocket, quickly making my way around them. I glanced back and saw their faces falter. My heart wrenched and I turned away.

“Eren, wait! Where are you going?” Armin’s voice called to me, but I ignored it, walking faster. This wasn’t supposed to happen! I was supposed to know nobody, not have people whom I care about come back into my life!

“Eren!” It was Marco’s voice now. I think they’re following me. The exit was right there. I can run through the rain and to my dorm. Easy. I can make it.

“Eren! _Please_ , wait!” I heard Armin call. I froze, clenching my fists at my sides. Why did I stop? ... Because I miss them probably… I didn’t even get a good chance to look at them. I need to get away from them… But I want to see them. I’ve wanted to see them for twelve years. I felt one of them grasp my shoulder, and I assumed it was Marco.

I glanced behind me to find I was correct, the freckled boy looking at me with concern, eyebrows knitted together… He looked like he was hurt, too. How could he not be? I suddenly disappear in second grade, now I’m back and I try to ignore them. I’m so pathetic. I felt a smile tug my lips but held it down. Once again I’m in a ridiculous situation and it’s so pathetic I could laugh!

“Ahh, Marco… Armin… Long time no see,” I said quietly, not looking them in the eyes.

“Eren, look at us,” Armin begged, poking my cheek. I breathed out a laugh. When I was sad in school and didn’t move he would poke my face until I looked at him, then he’d give me a big smile and tell me everything will be fine. And we’d laugh.

“You never change do you?” I asked, finally looking at them, unclenching my fists.

Armin had definitely grown taller (obviously, I haven’t seen them since the beginning of second grade). His hair was still kept long, but now he could put it in a ponytail (which it was in). His eyes were as blue as ever. He was wearing a white button-up shirt under a gray sweater, and loose blue jeans. I looked at Marco now. He still had that short little undercut, his freckles making him cute as ever. He was wearing a long sleeved white collared shirt under a long sleeved blue shirt and some comfortable looking brown khakis.

“Eren…” Armin started, but didn’t add anything. He just took in the sight of me and wrapped me in the biggest hug I’ve received in a long time, Marco joining right after. I didn’t move to hug them back (mostly because my arms were now being squished to my sides, but it felt nice). “I didn’t expect to see you here… Or ever, for that matter… Why… Why did you leave? Where did you go?”

“I moved more toward downtown Trost,” I replied, avoiding the first question. “I switched to Rose Elementary School.”

“Why didn’t you tell us you moved? We were so worried when you suddenly disappeared,” Armin said quietly, looking down at the ground. I sighed.

“It… There was no time to tell you… We moved right away,” I said, making up a lame excuse. “Sorry, but I have to go. I have class in an hour.”

I tried to turn away but Marco tightened his grip on my shoulder.

“An hour is a long time, you’ll make it,” he said. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “Why won’t you talk to us? Didn’t you miss us at all these past several years?”

I clenched fists again, harder this time, digging my nails into my palms.

“Of course I missed you guys!” I nearly yelled, some heads turning and looking our direction. I lowered my voice. I sighed and took a deep breath. “You guys are basically all I think about… ‘I wonder how Armin and Marco are doing since I left,’ ‘I wonder if Armin is still into science,’ ‘I wonder if Marco still has that angelic attitude toward everyone…’” I looked them in the eyes. “‘I wonder if I didn’t move away, would we still be friends?’” I said quietly.

They didn’t say anything. I jerked away from Marco’s grip.

“It was nice to see you guys again,” I muttered, then turned and opened the door. Only to run right into someone else. I looked up to say a quick apology, only for my eyes to widen once again. This. Can’t. Be. Happening.

“Oh, uh… Hi, Eren,” the boy said. Jean. Kirschtein. “Long time no see.”

I stared at him. I haven’t seen him since sophomore year.

“Eren, you know Jean?” Armin asked me. I could feel myself starting to shake. I pushed past Jean and ran to my dorm, ignoring their voices calling me back. I ran through the doors and up the stairs and quickly unlocked my door, praying Connie was out.

“Ah, Eren, you’re back,” Connie smiled. I cursed and ran past him, into the bathroom and locked the door. “E-Eren? What’s wrong? Hey! Eren!” I ignored him.

 Why, why, _why_ is this happening to me?! Everyone who I’ve been trying to get out of my head is coming back! I was shaking badly now, trying to take deep breaths but I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing. It was pounding so hard in my chest. It was so loud I could hear it and I felt like if Connie came by the door he’d be able to, too. I felt tears streaming down my face.

I growled and pounded my fist on the wall. Why does this have to happen?!

* * *

When I finally got out of the bathroom it was time for me to go to class. Connie seemed to have left the dorm, so that’s good. My first class was art (my major). It was an hour long class.

I grabbed my art bag full of all my art shit and other shit I’ll need later and made my way down to room 267.

When I walked in I took the seat in the back closest to the window. I sat with my back strung over the back of my chair, staring out the window and waiting for class to start.

There were only eight of us in the class.

“GOOD MORNING CLASS!” the teacher, Professor Verman, yelled. The professor had reddish-brown unruly hair and a huge beard. He also had really tiny eyes. “I AM YOUR TEACHER, PROFESSOR VERMAN, AS YOU CAN SEE WRITTEN ON THE BOARD.”

I was already getting a headache. Art is supposed to be peaceful. I heard the guy in front of my click his tongue. I didn't even notice him sit down.

“FOR YOUR FIRST PROJECT, ALL I WANT IS A SIMPLE PORTRAIT,” Verman continued. “A SELF PORTRAIT, A LOVED ONE, A LANDSCAPE—WHAT EVER YOU FEEL MOST COMFORTABLE DRAWING. THIS WAY, I HAVE A GENERAL IDEA OF WHERE YOUR TALENT STANDS.”

A portrait? That wasn’t going to be hard…

I started drawing a circle and the basics of a head, then the shoulders, just a basic head-shot. I continued to draw mindlessly, until Verman scared the ever-loving _shit_ out of me.

“JEAGAR,” he screamed loudly and I jumped, nearly ruining my picture. I turned and gave him an irritated look, not caring he was the professor. He cleared his throat. “This picture is wonderful. Might I ask who it is you are drawing?”

I looked at my paper, my heart skipping a beat. I wasn’t really thinking when I drew this. I ended up drawing Mina.

“Ahh, just a friend of mine,” I said with a shy smile.

“She’s pretty,” Verman said, and then moved down the row to the guy in front of me.

“ACKERMAN,” he yelled. “Who did you draw, hmm?”

“My mother,” he responded monotonously. His voice was deep and smooth and he had an undercut (it was an unusual one, I must say. Sort of reminds me of a longer version of Marco’s, actually). My curiosity got the best of me and I peeked around my drawing to look at this "Ackerman" guy’s drawing.

His mother was a beautiful woman. Long, straight black hair, big eyes and a kind smile. I quickly turned back to my own drawing, trying to finish the last details of Mina. I sighed.

“Hey,” the girl next to me spoke up, poking my shoulder. I looked at her with a bored expression. “Sorry, but do you have an eraser?” she asked. She had brown hair tied into a short ponytail and freckles all down her nose and cheeks.

“Yeah, here,” I said, handing it to her. “Just keep it, I have another.”

“Thanks, dude,” she grinned. “I’m Ymir, by the way.”

“Eren,” I said, turning back to my drawing.

“So what year are you? Freshman? What school did you come from?” she asked question after question. I didn’t give her a glance and ignored her. I heard her huff. “It’s rude to ignore someone who’s talking to you.” I continued to ignore her, focusing on my drawing. She huffed again before going back to her own drawing. Good, she didn’t pester me on.

* * *

“Alright class!” Professor Verman called to the class, still speaking unnecessarily loud, but not as badly. “All of you have exceptional talent. Very well done! Class will end in 20 minutes, so the rest of the time is yours.”

I closed my sketchbook and put it in my art bag, putting away my pencils and them putting those in the bag, too. I took my phone out and scrolled through my notifications. I got an e-mail from Mylius. It was the picture we took on the last day of high school. Took him long enough. I smiled to myself as I saved the picture and set it as my wallpaper.

The reason I liked art was because it was like an escape. I could express so many emotions through one drawing, one painting. I could express feeling with people or with nature, and I feel at peace when I draw.

* * *

 As I walked down the hall I yawned. My next class was calculus 2. _Bor-ring_. I know I don’t have to attend class, but if I’m going to be here I might as well learn.

I had my head down and my hands in my pockets. When I walked in I bumped into someone. I looked up to apologize and was confused when I didn’t see anything. So I looked down. It was a short guy, probably only 5’3, as where I am 5’8.

“Ahh, sorry, man,” I mumbled, stepping back. He made a face at me and I realized it was the guy from my art class. What was his name? Something Ackerman? I don’t know his first name. He didn’t say anything but clicked his tongue muttering something like “brat” under his breath as I walked passed him and once again took the seat in the back, ignoring the comment. I dropped my bag on the ground behind me and stared out the window until class started.

“Ah, you must be Eren!” I heard some girl call me. I glared out the window. How is it that random people suddenly know my name? “My name is Sasha Blouse, I’m Connie’s friend!” she smiled. “Looks like we’re in the same class, huh?”

 _Unfortunately_ , I thought. Oh, I could feel the word on the tip of my tongue but help back from actually saying it. “Seems so,” I responded with a bored tone. “How’d you know I was Eren?” I couldn’t help but ask. I’ve never seen this girl in my life.

“Your eyes,” she said simply, taking the seat next to me. I held back from groaning. I don’t want to sit with her. “Connie said you’re a mysterious guy with two different colored eyes. He said they were pretty, but I didn’t expect them to be so beautiful.”

I shrugged but didn’t say anything. The eyes that everyone thought were so great… They make it hard for me to look at myself in the mirror.

“Alright, class, I’m your professor, my name is Moblit Berner, it’s nice to meet you,” he said, smiling at the class kind of shyly. I twirled my pencil between my fingers, bored. This guy must be fresh out of college himself. “I am new to teaching, this is my first year so I hope you’ll bear with me.”

“Ah! Sorry I’m late!” Jean came running in the room. My heart stopped. Professor Berner excused him as his eyes locked with mine. He quickly looked away. The only open seat was in front of me. I had to resist the urge to slam my head down on the desk.

* * *

Half-way through class Professor Berner said we can work with partners on our worksheet. Sasha looked at me with a huge smile on her face about to ask me to work together so I quickly grabbed Jean’s shoulder.

“Hey, Jean, let’s work together,” I offered hastily.

“Huh? Uh, o-okay,” he agreed, startled. Sasha pouted and turned to the Ackerman kid, whose name I learned was Levi. He didn’t look pleased about it but started working with her. I looked back at Jean to see a look of confusion on his face.

“Sorry, Jean, but I seriously don’t wanna work with her,” I muttered, letting go of his shoulder. He turned his seat around and moved his worksheet by mine. “She’s annoying and the smell of grease is too strong for me.”

“Uh, no, it’s fine, really—but I thought you’d choose anyone but me,” he said.

“Well I came here so that nobody would know who I am, but now I’m ‘reunited’ with Armin, Marco, _and_ you,” I said bitterly.

“I never got why you won’t talk to anyone, Eren,” he said, looking me straight in my eyes. I shifted my gaze. “You could talk to anyone you want yet you choose to stay isolated.”

“Nothing good will come from me being with others,” I responded.

“You always say that,” he sighed. “Anyways, let’s just get to work.”

Jean’s legs were right by mine and I felt my cheeks heating up slightly. Oh, I forgot to mention, Jean is my ex-boyfriend. I also forgot to mention the fact that I’m bi, huh? Whoops. You’re probably wondering how I know I’m bi when I’ve only dated one person and stay away from everyone. It’s not exactly hard to figure out you find guys attractive in the same sense as girls. I started looking at guys more often, but obviously I didn’t exactly act on it.

How and why did I start going out with Jean? Because Jean’s an asshole, albeit a hot asshole.

It was back in my sophomore year of high school. He picked a fight with me on our way to lunch. I was walking and bumped into him, and before I could apologize he snapped at me.

* * *

  _[Flashback]_

“Watch where you’re going, dumbass!” he snarled. I frowned, but decided to ignore him and keep walking. “Hey, I’m talking to you bastard!” he yelled, grabbing my shoulder and turning me to face him. I glared at him.

“Let me go,” I said, grabbing his wrist and trying to pry his hand off me. He tightened his grip.

“And if I don’t?” he taunted.

“I’ll kick your ass,” I responded.

“I’d like to see you try, shorty,” he sneered. I glared at him.

“You’re like, three inches taller than me!” I argued, irritated. He shrugged and I got pissed. I kneed him in the stomach. He growled at me and pushed me against the wall. I groaned as my back collided with the hard brick wall.

Unlike what most people think would happen, basically everyone cleared out of the hall, not wanting to get caught in the mix of things. “Who the hell are you?” I asked in a growl, not knowing him at the time.

“Jean fucking Kirschtein, asshole, remember the name,” he responded haughtily.

“More like Jean bitch-ass Kirschtein,” I muttered. “Starting a fight because I bumped into you? Are you on your period or something? What a drama queen!”

“You fought back,” he said.

“I’m not just going to let you grab me!” I countered.

“Yeah, whatever, Jaeger,” he said, with a roll of his eyes.

“How do you know my name?” I demanded.

“You’re on the basketball team, aren’t you?” he asked. “I have a friend in there, Mylius, he never shuts u about you. Actually, nobody shuts up about you. You could be so popular if you wanted yet you just separate yourself.”

“Oh, what, are you going to lecture me about my social life now, dick-weed?” I said teasingly, giving him another glare. “Thanks, but no thanks, I don’t need you lecturing me, too.”

“’Too’?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“None of your damn business, now get the hell off me!” I said, now struggling and squirming trying to get away from this sudden intruder. He tightened his grip on my clothes as the bell rang. “Look! The bell rang! Lemme go eat!” I said, frantically trying to get away. _Don’t get near me. Stay away from me. Even if I don’t like you, I don’t want something to happen to you!_

“You piss me off,” he said, getting in my face. His eyes a mix of anger and something else.

“Then let me go and forget I exist!” I yelled, feeling my heart beat pick up as I grew more and more panicked and more and more frantic to get away. I haven’t spent so much time in a close proximity to someone since Mina’s accident. Even when I play basketball I maintain a certain distance from my team, and when we practice by breaking off into two teams, screening and stuff doesn’t last this long!

“Dude, calm down,” Jean said, brow furrowing in concern as he loosened his grip on my jacket. He was still only a few inches from me and I started panicking. (Yeah, okay, I wasn’t good at dealing with people when I was a sophomore and freshman, boo-hoo.) “Eren, calm down,” he said soothingly, letting go of my jacket and holding my shoulders gently.

My breaths came out shaky as I tried to calm down.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I have a problem with my anger, I won’t deny that. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

I stared at him. How could he go from angry to gentle just like that? He let me go with another apology and walked to the lunchroom. I stared at his back as he turned the corner and slid down the wall, burying my face in my hands.

Jean Kirschtein, huh…?

So, apparently that kindness didn’t last.

The next week I was walking out of school and I bumped into him again. Great.

“Wha—you again!” Jean half groaned, half growled.

“Uhh,” I responded dumbly.

“Would you just watch where the hell you’re going?!” he droned on. Then I got angry again.

“What’s with you?!” I demanded. “Are you bipolar or something? Get real!”

“I’m bi, but not bipolar!” he rebutted, seemingly without much thought because as soon as the words left his mouth his eyes widened and he covered his mouth. I blushed slightly at the sudden-accidental comment.

“So, uh, you’re bi…” I spoke slowly, after several seconds of awkward silence.

“You got a problem?” he groused.

“N-no, I’m…” I cut myself short.

“You’re what?” he pressed on.

“Nothing,” I said, turning to leave. “Sorry for bumping you again.”

Suddenly his hands were on my jacket again gripping it tightly and slamming me back into the wall. Why was he even in the back of the school?

“Let me go, bastard!” I yelled. It was already past school hours so nobody was there. I was there for extra practice.

“I asked you a question,” he said.

“It’s none of your business!” I yelled, struggling to get away. “Don’t touch me! Let me go, asshole! Horseface!”

Then he did something unexpected. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. My eyes widened and I kind of just stood there limp in his arms.

“Why do you seem so afraid?” he asked. “I know you’re not scared of me beating you up, you could probably beat me if you wanted to.”

“I don’t talk to people, what do you expect? I’m not social! I’m a hermit, dammit!” I tried to push him off me but he wouldn’t budge.

“You don’t seem to want to not talk, though,” Jean continued to pry into my business.

“Nothing good comes from me,” I said with a glare.

“Really now?” he had hummed. “I think I could have fun with you.”

“Wha—!” but before I could get any words out his lips were on mine.

He pressed his lips harder on mine until I finally gave in and kissed him back. He finally pulled away and I gasped for breath.

“W-what the hell was that…?” I demanded weakly.

“A kiss, duh,” he said simply.

“I know that! I meant why!” I fumed, blushing.

“You interest me,” he said simply. I glared at him (which didn’t work, obviously, because he laughed at it).

“The feeling’s not mutual,” I muttered.

“Then I’ll make it mutual,” he decided. Before I could turn him down once more his face was suddenly an inch from my and I squeaked. “Come on, Jaeger, you can’t really tell me that kiss didn’t feel good.”

“It didn’t,” I responded instantly, even though I knew it was good.

“Liar,” and with that his lips were back on mine.

That’s basically how it started. He never stopped messing with me. He’d pick fights with me and then when nobody was around we’d make out. He did take me out on real dates, though. We dated in secret and the only person who knew was Mylius and that’s because he walked in on us making out in the bathroom once. He swore not to tell and left us at that.

_[End Flashback]_

* * *

His knee bumped mine under the desk and I blushed, moving my leg farther away. It’s not like I never liked Jean. I did. I just could never forget Mina…

I felt horrible about it because he was always good to me, but I really couldn’t forget her. I couldn’t move on. Every Saturday I go to see her. I’ll talk to her and I’ll hold her hand.

I told Jean, on our first date. “There’s someone I can’t forget,” I had said, and he told me that was fine.

Jean’s leg bumped mine again and I knew he was doing it on purpose but I ignored it and focused (or, tried to) on my work.

“Eren,” Jean called my name on a hushed voice so only I could hear him. I made a noise of acknowledgment but didn’t look at him. “Eren, look at me.”

“I’m trying to work, Jean,” I mumbled.

“We’re supposed to work together. You’re five problems ahead of me,” he pointed out.

“You won’t ask for help,” I countered.

“Eren, please, look at me,” he begged. “ _Please_.”

 _Don’t say my name like that,_ I thought. _Don’t beg me like that. Why won’t you people realize that I’m no good?!_

I looked at Jean. His amber eyes look into mine with concern. I turn away.

“Talk to me later, Eren, after class,” he told me.

“I have something to do,” I say, wanting anything but to be alone with him.

“Don’t lie.”

“It’s not a lie.”

“Eren, please, I want to know why what happened, happened.”

“You’re the one that transferred schools,” I reminded him bitterly.

“But it was before that!” he countered, raising his voice. Sasha and Levi looked at us, and he apologized, going back to a hushed voice.

“I don’t want to discuss this. It was nearly two years ago, anyways,” I mumbled. The bell rang and Professor Berner dismissed us. I quickly gathered my stuff and ran out of the room.

“Eren!” I hear Jean’s voice calling me but I kept running. I ran to my dorm and locked the door, knowing Connie wouldn’t be back ‘til later, plus he has his own key.

I threw myself on my bed and submerged myself under the covers, my face buried in my pillows. I shook trying to calm my racing heart and I couldn’t. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t stop shaking. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

I love Jean, Marco and Armin… That’s why I never wanted to see them again… I’ll only hurt them…

I should really just die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bisexual Eren is so important to me, like, you don't even know
> 
> I don't usually write "flashback" during a flashback, but it felt necessary lol.
> 
> So, yeah, things will get better I promise!! QwQ;;; Just a lot later.... Haha.. Hah... *runs away*
> 
> So, like, yeah... Any questions about anything unclear feel free to ask!! ^-^);;;/ Cuz I feel like a lot of things were glazed over???? Idk, thanks for reading~!
> 
> Kudos, Subs, Bookmarks, Comment and all that good stuff is appreciated :DDD Thank you <3<3<3


	6. Leave Me Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wants to get it through Armin and Marco's head that they need to stop talking to him, and he's not exactly nice about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. UM. YEAH. NERVOUS ABOUT THIS CHAPTER. THANK YOU FOR READING. AGH. PLEASE ENJOY. FEEDBACK IS WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS. YAY.
> 
> (PS - Mikasa may or may not be in this chapter *runs and hides in closet*)

I woke up and slowly pushed myself up, rubbing my eyes. Wait, woke up…? When did I even fall asleep? I opened my phone, squinting at the brightness and thanking myself for keeping it on the lowest setting. It’s 4am. I sigh and lay back down, but I know I won’t fall back asleep. I chuckled. This is just like when I was younger, waking up and not falling back asleep. Except this time I didn’t wake up because of a nightmare.

I used to get a lot of nightmares when I was younger. I dreamt that my parents were dead. Once I dreamt my mother was eaten—literally eaten by the scariest thing I’d ever seen in my life. It had to be at least 15 meters. It had a huge smile on its face and… It was just awful. I woke up screaming and my parents came running in, and I held my mother tightly, begging her not to leave me.

Tough image to bear with when you’re only in third grade. It took me ‘till eight grade to finally get the image mostly out of my head. I groaned, sitting up, not wanting to image back in my head. I changed my pants into some loose grey joggers, grabbed my phone and headphones and left the dorm room.

* * *

 I probably shouldn’t be out this late. I wonder if I’ll get in trouble if I get caught.

Shrugging it off I continued to walk toward the exit. Once out I tripped over something and fell flat on my face. I figured it was a backpack or something I groaned and I pushed myself up, turning to see what the hell I tripped on.

Or, apparently _who_ the hell I tripped on. The boy sat there, bent over and holding his head.

“I, uh, s-sorry,” I said awkwardly. “I didn’t expect anyone to be out here this late so I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

He sat up and glared at me. I squinted. Is that—?

“Levi Ackerman?” I asked on instinct.

“Yeah, that’s right,” he confirmed, looking me through in the dim light. “You’re that Jaeger kid. Quit bumping into me, brat.”

“I didn’t mean too,” I mumbled, trying to ignore the “brat” comment as I got to my feet. He didn’t respond so I walked away. He was quite rude and I don’t really like when people are rude—but then again, I can’t talk. I’m hostile toward everyone. Though, I at least try to be polite. But at least I knew I wouldn’t be getting close to him. He keeps calling me brat, but he doesn’t look like he’s much older than me, anyways! He’s got to be a sophomore if he’s older than me. I refuse to believe otherwise.

~                                             ~                                                  ~                                              ~                                                   ~

I basically just wandered around off-campus for an hour until I got bored and headed back to my dorm. I went back through the back, surprised to see Levi still sitting there. I was hoping he’d be gone. I walked over to him to ask him to move out of the doorway.

“Could you—” I started.

“No,” Levi cut me off.

“Why not?” I demanded.

“Cause,” was his response. I frowned.

“Don’t be an asshole, just move,” I huffed. He stayed put and ignored me. “I will literally step over you.”

“Just don’t kick me,” he said monotonously.

“Are you serious?” I ask with a deadpan expression.

“I’m not moving.”

“Why are you so stubborn?” I demanded.

“Just go,” he says irritably. He is _seriously_ pissing me off…

I huffed again and pushed the door open, stepping over him.

“Lucky you’re so short,” I said, just t spike him. I glanced at him just in time to see him glare at me, and as scary as that looked, it was great knowing I could get under his skin. I stuck my tongue out childishly before going back to my dorm.

It’s was 5:17am so I quietly unlocked my door and walked in, knowing that if I woke Connie again I’d surely get a pillow to the face. Taking off my shoes and flopping on my bed, I rolled over on my back. I still wasn’t tired enough to sleep and I had the entire day to myself so I wasn’t exactly sure what to do (I have classes Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays).

I hate waking up because I could never go back to sleep. It’s been like that since I was a kid. No matter how tired I am, I almost always wake up and I never fall back asleep. I’ve been insomniac for as long as I can remember, but I didn’t know that’s why I had trouble sleeping until I was 11.

You can probably tell, but it really sucks. But I’m glad my life isn’t so perfect I don’t have any problems. I need to suffer in return for the suffering I cause.

* * *

 By 7:40am I was out of the dorm again. At least Connie won’t have to suffer my alarm again. I managed to fall asleep again around six, but woke up again at 6:17am, so that wasn’t much of a help.

I knew the café opened at 7:30 so that’s where I was headed. I’d be there within five minutes if I wasn’t interrupted, and why would I be?

Of course I was.

“Hey, you’re that boy,” I heard a faintly familiar voice call to me. Raising an eyebrow, I turned around. “You never did tell me your name.”

I stared at her. She looked familiar… Ah. I remember now. It’s that girl that brought me to her house around the end of my senior year. What was her name again? Mik… Mika… Mikaso? No… Mikasa? Yeah, that was it. Mikasa.

“You’re that Mikasa girl,” I responded lamely after remembering her name, then I noticed my scarf around her neck. “You actually kept it?”

“It’s soft,” she said, touching the red fabric. It’s true. That was pure wool. I shrugged.

“Well, nice seeing you again,” I said with a quick turn.

“Wait, what’s your name?” she asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” I insisted.

“It matters to me,” she said.

“Why?” I asked, even though I was already starting to walk away.

“Because you gave this to me,” she said, following me. I held back from groaning.

“Think of it as a thank you for helping me,” I told her. “Now leave me alone.” I quickened my pace.

“Why don’t you wanna tell me?” she asked.

“Because I have no reason to,” I respond, stopping when I realized she wasn’t going to give up.

“I basically saved you.”

“I didn’t ask you too.”

“You’re stubborn,” she huffed.

“Thanks.”

“Eren!” I hear Armin’s voice. Why are they up so damn early!? I turned and started walking again. “Eren, please wait!”

I stopped. Dammit, I can never bring myself to ignore that boy.

“Oh, hi, Armin,” I mumbled.

“So your name is Eren?” Mikasa confirmed.

“Ah, Mikasa! You know Eren, too?” Armin asked cheerfully.

“Well I found him passed out by a park once,” she shrugged.

“I see…” Armin nodded.

“Well, I have to go, goodbye,” I said, turning and walking again.

“Eren, wait, I want to talk to you,” Armin said, quickly reaching out and grabbing me. I knew I could easily pull away, I’ve always been stronger than him and I could tell I still was, what with me being an athlete and him being a bookworm.

“I don’t have time to talk,” I said, though not pulling away from him.

“Do you have class today?” he asked.

“No.”

“Me neither,” he says cheerfully. “Let’s hang out today and catch up!”

“No,” I decline, finally pulling my arm away,

“Why not?” Armin asked, disappointment clear in his voice and it broke my heart. I didn’t answer. “Eren please. I miss you. I want to know what you’ve been up to all this time,” he pleaded. “I… I want to be friends again!” I clenched my fists, hating that I was causing him to feel like this.

“Trust me, it’s better if we’re not friends,” I say. I look him dead in the eye as I continue. “You’d be better off forgetting me like you should have.”

“W-what…?” he stuttered, obvious confused and even more obviously hurt. “Why are you saying that? You… You missed me just as much as I did right? You said yourself you didn’t stop thinking about us… A-and me and Marco… All we wanted was to see you again.”

“Yeah, I missed you guys. Of course I did. But I was hoping to never see you guys again,” I said, making my voice go cold. “I don’t have friends, despite what you’d think. Me? Friends? You’re joking, right? I’m hostile, hot-headed and a jerk. Don’t waste your time trying to talk to me, it’s not worth it. Why didn’t you just forget about me? You have friends better than _I_ could ever be.”

Armin stared at me, dumbfounded, and Mikasa looked really confused yet really concerned at the same time. Don’t look concerned. Look at me with hate. Don’t like me. Don’t care about me, and everything will be fine.

I quickly turned and walked off.

“Wai—Er—Ah!” I heard Armin yelp and quickly turned to see if he was okay. Luckily he’d only tripped over… Nothing. Ugh. I don’t even know if I caused that or if he’s just clumsy. I quickly turned around and ran before they could see I checked on him.

I ran to my dorm and slammed the door, forgetting about Connie. Said boy jerked up right, eyed wide as he looked around confused.

“E-Eren? What the hell, dude?” he asked groggily, eyebrows furrowing.

“Sorry,” I mutter unapologetically, going to my bed and taking out my art stuff. He muttered something under his breath before going back to sleep.

I started to draw. Something simple. Something that wouldn’t make me think too much.

As I drew I thought to this morning’s earlier events. Why the hell was that shorty out there anyway? That Levi Ackerman guy… He was being a total douche! I mean, I know people aren’t exactly in the best moods at five in the fucking morning, but why didn’t he just let me pass? And calling me a brat when he was probably only a year older than me? Seriously? And who calls someone, like, 6 inches taller than them a brat?! Gosh he pisses me off. And what the hell is with that weird undercut? It’s like Marco’s but longer. Marco makes it look cute, but on him… I don’t know. Then there's those eyes. Like, what the hell? He looks down on me even though he can’t even look most people in the eye without looking up! They were a weird color too. Silver-ish blue? They’re narrow and pointy. I don’t know if he acted so weird because it was early or because that’s just his personality, and frankly I don’t give a rat’s ass to find out.

I sighed and stopped moving my pencil, closing my eyes and running a hand through my unruly hair. When I opened my eyes to finish my picture my eye twitched in annoyance.

 _Why the hell did that bastard have to come into mind?_ Was the first thing I thought as I refrained from throwing my sketchbook in annoyance. Thinking of Levi made my pencil move on its own and now I had a rough sketch of Levi’s face. I ripped the sheet out and crumpled it, throwing the ball across the room and into the trashcan.

Like I said earlier, Levi could’ve just been cranky at that time, but I seemed to annoy him just as much and I could tell we probably won’t get along.

I thought about yesterday and sighed. After running out of the room in calculus, I skipped my third class. What was it…? Photography. I really like anything that has to do with drawing and pictures. There’s so much you can do with them, so many details can be added with a stroke of a pencil. Beautiful things can be captured with just a click of a button. I love it.

* * *

 

By noon I was starving. I skipped breakfast this morning so right now all I want is food. I looked at Connie’s bed to where the shorter boy still slept. Pissed off, I walked to his bed with my pillow and slammed it on his face, earning a girlish shriek from him, successfully waking him up.

“Wha—huh?!” he sputtered, shooting up into a sitting position, eyes wide.

“Connie, get your ass out of bed! It’s not good for you to sleep in this long!” I yelled, tossing my pillow back onto my bed and jumping out of the way of his own pillow coming towards my face.

“Gosh, you’re rude!" he growled tiredly. “You may not like sleeping in, but let me do it!”

“You’re health is going to go bed. Get up and eat something,” I muttered. “I’m going out for lunch.”

“Ah, I’ll come with you!” he said, suddenly turning friendly again. “We haven’t had the chance to properly talk, yet.”

 _And I intend to keep it that way_ , I thought, biting my tongue to refrain for speaking my thoughts aloud.

“Sorry, but I’m going to eat alone,” I say, turning down his offer un-apologetically and giving him a bored glance before putting my shoes on and walking out of the dorm, not letting him try to push himself on me.

Connie seemed like a cool dude… I’d like to take him up on his offer but I know I can’t.

As I walked down the hall I passed a couple of boys. They didn’t seem to notice me but when I turned back to glance at them one of them trip and fall face-first into a potted-plant. Groaning as his friend tried to help him up, and pick up the plant they knocked over.

“Ouch, I think I cut my hand,” he groaned, blood dripping from his hand.

“You _think_?” the friend asked, raising his eyebrow and shaking his head. “That cut looks pretty bad. Let’s go to the nurse. It’s weird, you never trip, huh? Sucks you fell right onto that thing, too.”

“Maybe today is just a bad luck day?” the one who fell chuckled. I sighed as I made my way down to the exit to go buy something to eat. There’s a McDonald’s nearby and I haven’t eaten any in like, a year.

I walked the block to McDonald’s and opened the door, not paying attention to my surroundings. I ordered a Big Mac and a coke. After paying and getting my ~~fat~~ food, I turned around to find a seat, and I felt my eye twitch in annoyance. In the back was Jean and Marco, and on the opposite side by the windows Levi and two other people I didn’t know. One was blonde and the other was a brunette with their hair tied up in a ponytail. I couldn’t see their faces but Levi saw me and clicked his tongue in annoyance.

Yeah, this guy was a 24/7 douche, I could tell. I rolled my eyes and tried to sneak into a both where Marco and Jean wouldn’t spot him, but then I hear Marco’s voice call out to me. I curse under my breath and pretend I didn’t hear it. I pretend that I didn’t see Jean’s back tense up. I pretend that I didn’t see Marco’s kind smile that deserves so much better than me. I sit down facing away from them and begin to eat.

Much to my dismay Marco is suddenly next to me.

“Eren, hi!” he says again, smiling brightly at me.

“Oh, uh, hi Marco,” I mumble back, not looking at him. Marco beams and sits across from me.

“How are you?” he asks, making himself comfy.

“Tired as shit,” I say as I stand up. He looks disappointed. “I think I’m going to eat in my dorm after all.”

“Eren, why are you avoiding me? Avoiding Armin, too. And Jean. You guys know each other, right?”

“I _knew_ you guys,” I say flatly.

“H-huh?” Marco stutters, eyebrows furrowed and a hurt and confused smile on his lips. The sight hurts me but I keep my cold exterior. “Aha… I don’t… Really get it. What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said,” I say simply, taking a sip from my drink. “We were friends once, right? That was fun and all but things have changed. _I_ changed. I don’t know you guys, I know your little children selves. As for Jean, what’s done is done, I have no reason to talk to him anymore. It’s best if you and Armin and everyone else just back. Off. I don’t mean to sound harsh but I’ll tell it as it is, okay? It’s best if you just stopped talking to me. Forget about Eren Jaeger.”

And with that I grab my food and go, leaving a dumbfounded Marco sitting there. I’m not going to look back. I don’t want to see what expression he has. Hurt? Confusion? _Hatred?_ That’d actually be best for me, huh? Hate me. Hate me and realize I’m worthless.

As I headed for the door I hear Marco call my name again and I’m about to quickly leave when I hear him shriek. I quickly turn around, hoping he hadn’t been hurt. I turned just in time to see Marco slip on some liquid that magically appeared and fall back, hitting his head hard on the floor. Jean was up in an instant, checking if Marco was okay. Marco nodded weakly and held his head. I could see tears in his eyes. He pulled his hand away and blood stained his palm. I stared for a moment. He’s bleeding. He could have a concussion. It’d be my fault. I was overwhelmed with worry but I forced myself to turn and leave. Jean is there. He’ll take care of it. If I’m there, it’ll only make it worse.

Shit… I’m causing people pain again. I wish I could feel more pain. I deserve it, they don’t. I smiled ruefully to myself. I’m hurting the people I care about… I tell them things I know will sting. I make sure to be rude to them and yet… Yet they still get hurt. People I don’t know get hurt, and while I feel awful about that, it hurts more seeing people you know get hurt. It hurts most when you know it’s your fault.

Making a “tsk” sound I threw my food away, clenching my fists so it hurt. I dig my nails into the palm of my hand hard. A little harder and I might just draw blood. Letting out a dry chuckle, I ran. I ran out of the parking lot and away from my school. I ran until I was at least seven blocks away from McDonald's. I stopped when I arrived at a field. A valley, if you will. Not exactly but it was green and had small hills and there was nobody there.

Unclenching my fists I walked into the grassy plain, looking around as I sat down. I stared at the sky and sighed.

I let a sad smile cross my face as I lay back and closed my eyes.

Really now… My life is a joke. I’m a joke. I want to hurt. I want to feel the pain I cause others. Why can’t I be the one everything bad happens to?

I should hurt too… I think as I remember the hurt faces of Marco and Armin. The pained voice Jean called out to me with when I ran from him. The dejected look Connie gives me when I turn him down.

The sound, peaceful face I see when I look at Mina in the hospital.

I let out another humorless laugh.

Maybe I should start causing pain to myself again. It's only fair, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONCUSSION? MAYBE? WHAT? DID I DO THAT RIGHT? IDEK TBH. CAN YOU /GET/ A CONCUSSION LIKE THAT?
> 
> *clears throat* Ahem, ah, uhm... Anyways... Yeah! That happened! Okay, so I know basically nothing about college so, yeeeeeah ono Please help me!! m(_ _)m
> 
> So, I was relly paranoid about adding Levi to that little morning section, but I didn't know what to change it to so I kept it! 'M sorry! If you don't like it I can probably delete this chapter and redo it??? Yes??? Please give me feedback I just agggghbajkflbfi!! ;0;
> 
> ANYWAYS. THANK YOU FOR READING. THINGS ARE ANGSTY. EREN MIGHT GO BACK TO SELF-HARM.... *runs away*
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!! Look out for chapter seven!! :'D *crawls into corner*


	7. If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren feels awful about talking coldly to Marco and Armin last week, and all he can think about is all the pain he causes for people. All he can think about is the fact that he should feel pained too. So he causes pain to himself.  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
> On Monday, everybody is ignoring Eren, just like he wants. Nobody talks to him or seems to be interested in being his friend, and everything is as it should be.
> 
> But what happens when he starts getting unwanted attention from Levi? Or when Jean wants to talk to him alone about everything that's happened since they broke up, about his attitude?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! Does this count as an early update? Haha.  
> Anyways, hello friends! Not a very long chapter but I hope it's to your liking! Please point out any mistakes you see and give me feedback. :'D  
> So, yeah, I hope I'm not making Eren seem to over-dramatic /.\
> 
> Anyhow, enjoy!! :DDD
> 
> PS - Idk about the chapter name, you decide if this fits *sashays off a cliff*

I grit my teeth as I hissed softly in pain, scraping the blade across my forearm, blood dripping from the newly formed cuts and into the sink of my bathroom. It’d been about a week since I last talked to Armin and Marco.

I wasn’t sure about starting to cut myself again, but after continuously remembering all the pain I’ve caused people I figured it was only fair.

Still, I’m glad they seemed to have gotten the hint. They haven’t confronted me once, and nobody in my classes bugged me either. Sometimes I’d get irritated looks from Levi but that’s usually only if I get in his way, other than that he completely ignores me. Connie seems to have gotten annoyed with my hostility and constant blowing him off so he hasn’t tried to get friendly with me for a while.

Good. This is good. I’m alone. Nobody cares about me. This is as it should be.

Oh, and it turns out Marco _did_ get a minor concussion. He had thrown up non-stop for a couple of minutes and had gotten a horrible headache afterwards. Jean had quickly gotten him to a hospital and he was treated. Jean had told me all this but other than that we haven’t talked.

* * *

 

It’s Monday now. My long sleeved shirts are all dirty because of my lazy ass getting… Well, lazy. So I was wearing a blue short sleeved shirt and a baggy hoodie over it to cover my arms, but it was hot in all of my classes so I left it unzipped. As I made my way to art class I shoved my hands in my pockets, my art bag strung over my shoulder.

Once inside I ignored Verman’s loud greeting and took my usual seat in the back.

As class started Verman told us to take out our sketchbooks and a 1B pencil. We were practicing drawing portraits of other people, so we had thirty minutes to get into partners and draw the person in front of us.

“Can we choose our partners?” Ymir asked, eyeing a short blonde girl named Krista.

“I AM—” he cleared his throat, trying to work on his volume problem, “—I am choosing your partners.”

The small class groaned. Except for me. I don’t care who I get paired up with, really. It’s not like this really involves much talking.

“Ymir, you’re with Petra,” Verman said. “Krista, you’re with…”

I tuned out, listening for my name.

“Jaeger, you’re with Ackerman,” Verman finally said. I grimaced and heard Levi click his tongue in annoyance.

We decided I’d do the drawing, so Levi sat in front of me, perfectly still so it was easy to draw him. I glanced up every now and then to make sure I was getting the details right, but I’m pretty good at remembering facial features so I didn’t have to look up too often.

“You almost done?” Levi asked. He didn’t sound annoyed or anything, just bored.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. I had the rough sketch of his face, so I just needed to erase the guidelines and darken all of his features. It was silent between us for a couple more minutes before Levi spoke up again.

“How can you wear a sweater? It’s so damn hot in here,” he complained. I shrugged and kept drawing. I don’t get hot very easily but I’m never cold so I was fine. “You don’t talk much, huh?”

“I have no obligation to talk to people, therefore I don’t do it,” I responded unclearly.

“It’s a simple question, kid, don’t get smart,” he huffs, but I could hear a hint of amusement in his voice.

“It’s easier for me to draw when you’re not talking,” I say.

“It’s not like you’re looking at me much,” he retorts. I grunt in reply and decide to just ignore him if he starts up conversation again. “Look, Er—”

“LEEEEEVIIIIII!” I heard a partially muffled female voice yell from the hall. I raised an eyebrow at him as his face suddenly contorted into irritation and his made a “tsk” noise. Suddenly the door was slammed open. “Excuse me, Professor, but I need Levi!”

“FOR WHAT?” Verman asks, seeming to battle her in who was louder. I started getting a headache.

“PROFESSOR HANNES IS CALLING FOR HIM, MYSELF AND ERWIN,” she yelled back and I tensed. Hannes? It couldn’t be, the name was just coincidence, right?

“VERY WELL,” Verman allows.

“Shitty Glasses, shut the hell up, you’re so annoying,” Levi growls irritably, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stood up. She just cackled.

“Have fun,” I muttered sarcastically. He sighed and left with the girl. I then realized that it was the same girl from last week, I could tell by the annoyingly loud voice that matched the one I ignored when I walked in. _If they're friends why did he look so annoyed?_ I thought. _Then again, Levi doesn’t seem like the type to like loud, crazy people._

I continued to fix up the picture of Levi and ignore my surroundings.

* * *

 

Ten minutes into calculus Levi was back and after explaining whatever the hell it was he did to Professor Berner, he took his seat diagonal of me and next to Jean. I was tempted to lean over and ask if he had fun with the one called “shitty glasses,” but then reminded myself I am not his friend and I don’t want to be his friend.

As I answered listened to Professor Berner I took notes on my laptop, class starting out uneventful, and I liked it like that.

Then I caught Jean looking my way. I ignored it. Then it happened a second time. And a third time.

“Do you _need_ something, Kirschtein?” I ask finally, a deadpan expression settled on my face.

“Uh, no, just… Last week, when Marco fell, you—”

“I’m not going to talk about this,” I huff, going back to my notes. I heard him make a little noise of his own.

“Meet up with me later,” Jean says, more like a demand rather than a suggestion or offer.

“No,” I declined instantly.

“Eren, we need to talk,” Jean insisted.

“Jean, no we don’t,” I say, mocking his urgent tone. He made a face.

_This is for your own good, Jean… Please…_

“ _Eren_ ,” he says again, emphasizing my name with a tone that I hated because it could guilt-trip me and make me miss him both at once and I feel myself tense. “ _Please_ , just this once.”

“… Fine,” I mutter.

“How about five-ish? At the café?”

“Fine, whatever,” I grimace, then give him a serious look. “Only. This. Once.” I made clear, and Jean nodded and turned back around. I caught Levi glancing our way and gave him a look.

 _Problem?_ I mouth. He shakes his head.

“Not a one,” he mumbles before turning back to his own notebook. I roll my eyes and get back to work.

* * *

 

Photography class I was in with Ymir, Sasha and Krista again. Oh, and Levi. Yippee, I get all my classes with a grumpy midget. There are other kids too but I don’t really bother with them. The only reason I know Krista’s name is because I have the pleasure of sitting with Ymir in art and the blonde is all she talks about. “Krista was so cute today,” “did you see Krista’s hair today? How cute,” “That’s my Krista for you, always the good girl!” It was really annoying but cute nonetheless.

“Alright class, today we’re going to practice taking pictures of models,” our teacher, Professor Ian says. “By that I mean I’m going to pair you up where one person takes the pictures and the other poses.

“Can we—” Ymir started.

“I’m picking partners.”

“Can I—”

“Yes, you can be paired with Krista.” Ymir beamed and smiled at Krista. The smaller girl blushed.

“Ymir you should try to partner up with more people than just me,” the blonde scolded meekly. Ymir just laughed and wrapped her arm around her. With a roll of his eyes Professor Ian continued.

“Sasha, you’re with Ere—”

“Ah, u-um, sir! Ah, I mean, Professor, um… Can I please be paired up with Gunter instead?” she asked with a sheepish smile. It seems that Sasha has developed a strange fear of me. I don’t know why. I literally never talk to her.

“What? Why?” Professor Ian asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I, um, I’ve just never really gotten the chance to talk with him,” she smiled, glancing at me and then shifting her gaze back to Professor Ian, pleading with her eyes. Sighing he waved his hand in a “whatever” motion and she sighed in relief. He gave me an apologetic look but I smiled the best fake smile I could muster and gave him a shrug.

“Well, since I was originally going to pair Levi with Gunter, I guess you’re with Ackerman, Jaeger,” Professor Ian shrugs. I hold back the grimace I felt tug at my face and continue to smile, nodding. Levi then proceeded to make his way toward me, his usual emotionless expression set on his face. I continued to smile as if I was friends with him, my hands shoved in my pockets until Professor Ian turned away to continue to pair up the students.

“Stop smiling at me, it’s so forced it’s not even funny,” Levi says, coming to a stop in front of me and my face faltered for a split second. Nobody has seen through my smile before.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say with a light chuckle, giving him a confused look, my smile still in place.

“Riiight,” he says sarcastically. “I’m surprised more people don’t realize those smiles are fake. They’re so easy to read.”

“They are not,” I retort on instinct. Well shit.

“So you admit they’re fake?” he says with a raised eyebrow, grinning. I blushed and harrumphed, marching to my seat and he followed. "Your entire face is easy to read, really. You're like an open book, all your emotions are in your eyes if you just look."

"Gee, I didn't know you were looking so hard," I mutter, putting my chin in my hand and looking out the window as I waited for further instructions from Professor Ian.

"My friends say I have a good eye," he shrugs. "Don't get full of yourself just 'cause you have a pretty face, kid."

"You're the one who—!"

"Alright, class, choose who will be doing what and we can get started.

* * *

 

I ended up being the one modeling while Levi took pictures. I posed however he told me to and I caught a few girls staring at me, even the mega-gay Ymir glanced my way. Okay, I don’t want to sound conceded, but I know I’m attractive, however I’m not _that_ good looking! At least I don’t think I am? Ugh, kill me.

“Oi, brat,” Levi calls to me, and I look at him with a raised eyebrow. _Oi?_ I’ve heard him say it before and I still think it’s weird. “Could you take off you sweater?” I tensed a bit. Obviously, I can’t do that with the newly formed fresh cuts on my arm…

“Um, no,” I declined politely.

“Why not?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “It’s only for a second.”

“N-no, I’m, uh, really cold…” I mumble.

“I don’t believe that, you’re _sweating_ ,” Levi says. “Why are you so reluctant?”

“Why are you so persistent?” I counter childishly. “Just take the pictures with my sweater on, no biggy.”

“Whatever,” Levi mutters with a roll of his eyes, eyeing me with a look I didn’t like, something rather... Knowing, before raising the camera back up to his eye. I ran a hand through my hair and gave a flashy smile. He snorted and snapped the picture.

After that Professor Ian said that was enough and to make sure the pictures get e-mailed to him. Tomorrow the partners will switch places, so I’ll be taking pictures of Levi.

“Alright, well, I have more planned tomorrow but you can leave now if you want,” Professor Ian says. “Class dismissed.”

I grabbed my bag and left the room, nodding goodbye to Professor Ian.

“Wait a second, Eren,” I hear Levi call to me. I ignore him and continue walking.

As I made my way down the hall I figured he’d given up and I was good—until the back of my open sweater was suddenly being pulled on and I was being pulled back and I fell on my bottom. I glared up at Levi. “Don’t ignore me when I’m talking to you bra—” he started and then stopped short. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” I ask. “If you’re going to say something say it. He looked away.

“Your arms…” he said quietly, not really shyly or apologetically, just with a quieter voice than normal. I raised an eyebrow before realizing what he meant. When he’d pulled me down my sweater had slipped down my arms, the cuts on my arms visible and clearly not anything done on accident. Standing up abruptly I pulled my hoodie’s sleeves down and zipped it up, running past Levi despite his calls back to me.

Shit, he saw. What if he tells somebody? No, no, no, this isn’t happening. It’s his own damn fault for being so pushy! I don’t know why he suddenly wanted to be all buddy-buddy with me! Fuck him! Nothing good will happen with me! You’ll get hurt. You’ll get hurt like my parents, my friends, Jean… Mina… And everyone around me!

Maybe I shouldn’t have come here. Maybe going to university was a mistake… I know I’m a burden, I know that but… I was being selfish… I wanted to learn more about art and photography, I want to do more calculus even though it’s hard, I have fun learning and working with numbers.

But I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t think of what I want, I’m nothing. I should have put what would happen in front of others. I can’t let the wall I built up break again, I can’t let anybody get hurt the way I let Mina did. I don’t want to hurt anybody. Why the hell did I have to be born like this? Why can’t I be normal?

I at least wish it was me getting all the pain. Why do other people have to be hurt when they don’t deserve it? I deserve it. Let me bare it all. I wish… I wish that I didn’t have to live like this.

Ugh, just fuck me. I’m getting way over-emotional about this but I just don’t get it! Once moment the guy gets annoyed at the sight of me the next he wants to make conversation with me like we’re friends.

I laughed dryly as I opened the door to my dorm. Friends? I don’t have friends. I don’t need them. I need to stop thinking my life will be more fun with them. What good will having friends do me? They’re just people to talk to and none of them last forever. Nothing lasts forever. I’m fine by myself.

I grinned to myself as I engraved into my mind that I don’t need anyone and flopped down on my bed.

 _Ahh… Right… I need to meet with Jean,_ I thought. I didn’t want to. I’m worried.

A lot of things happened in the year I dated Jean. Nothing as bad as Mina but it’s not like nothing happened to him while we were together. He had his fair share of injuries with me… Things happened to him that shouldn’t have. And they only happened when I was with him… Because of those things Jean ended up switching high schools and we broke up. I was glad he didn’t need to be with me anymore, but I can’t say I didn’t miss him…

Hell, I loved being with Jean even if I loved Mina more. Jean made me feel loved… And I couldn’t give him anything good in return…

Mentally slapping myself I shook my head.

 _You don’t need to be in a relationship_ , I reminded myself. I had at least an hour before I had to meet with Jean so I decided to draw some more.

I really hope nothing happens today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAN IS IT A PAIN TO RIGHT "PROFESSOR" BEFORE IAN! IDEK WHY IT IS, I JUST THINK IT'S ANNOYING TO HAVE TO WRITE IT OUT LIKE THAT, BUT IT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT TO JUST CALL HIM "IAN" AND HIS LAST NAME IS AN EVEN BIGGER NAME TO WRITE SO WHATEVS. *dances out*
> 
> I feel pretty bad for Eren since he has people who have things in common with him but he can't become friends with them. I wonder why it has to be like this? Oh yeah, I made it like that. Haha! I suck! *rolls into the street* 
> 
> .... *clears throat* Uh, anyways, next chapter, some things that happened with Jean will probably be explained and you'll see their talk. I feel like I don't emphasize enough on Eren causing bad luck to people? Like, sometimes I feel like I don't add enough of that (besides his past experiences, I mean.)? Idek. Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter c: 
> 
> I added more Levi... Yeah... So, I hope you've enjoyed! Look out for chapter eight! (you can find me on Tumblr at thatanimegeek.tumblr.com if you have any questions or suggestions, or just leave a comment!! c: /.\\) Thank you for reading!!!! Cx
> 
> (PS - Yeah, I know Gunter's name is spelled Gunther, but Gunther sounds so lame compared to Gunter (Goon-ter), so I spell is Gunter because I CANNNNN *jumps off building with 3DMG gear and flies out liek a baws*)


	8. Jean and Eren Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean inquires about Armin and Marco. And his relationship with Eren. Just where will this conversation lead to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, another early update! :D I wanted to upload this one right away because there's a very large amount of JeanEren in it and I know you guys'll hate me if I make you wait a week just for there to be no RiRen, lol. -w- So, like, just to clarify:  
> No, Eren doesn't really feel like /that/ toward Jean anymore. Yes, Jean still has some feelings left for him, but as the story progresses those feelings with disperse, (and no, there won't be a RiEreJean love triangle, so don't get any funny ideas (lol)).
> 
> So, yeah, please enjoy this short li'l chapter! Again, the JeanEren is strong in this chapter, so be prepared ono 
> 
> I'll try to get the next chapter up super soon! Thank you guys for all the love and support you're bringing in!! :'D 
> 
> Mayu out!! *jumps out window*

Once I arrived to the café I spotted Jean waiting for me while he was on his phone. I had the urge to sneak up behind him but withheld and walked over calmly and sat in front of him. He jumped a bit since I didn’t say anything and I held back a smile.

“Hey,” he greeted me with a smile.

“You wanted to talk?” I ask, wanting to keep this as short as possible. He sighed.

“Eren, what’s with you?” he asks, furrowing his brow.

“Nothing is ‘with’ me, Jean,” I respond making a face at him. “If all you’re going to do is ask me ‘what’s with your behavior?’ then I don’t want to hear it.” I say, about to stand up.

“W-wait!” he stops me, grabbing my wrist. “Wait, please.”

I sighed and reluctantly sat back down, but he didn’t release my wrist.

“I’m not going to run away,” I tell him with a roll of my eyes. “You can let go.”

“I know I can,” he says. “But I don’t want to.” I felt my face heat up slightly and I jerked my hand away, putting my hands in my lap and looking down at them as to not let him see the flustered expression on my face.

“Eren, what happened between you and Armin and Marco?” he asks suddenly and I tensed, the embarrassment leaving me and being replaced with a mix of anger and hesitance.

“How do you know them anyways?” I ask, putting off the question for now.

“When I transferred to Rose High, I met them. They were in most of my classes,” he replies simply. “But you seem to have some heavy history with them.”

“Not really,” I mumble. “I knew them in first grade. Armin was my neighbor and Marco was my classmate—well, they were both my classmates—but anyways, we were best friends. A lot of people picked on me for my eyes, but they always defended me, so we became a little trio of best friends. In second grade I moved for reasons I won’t explain, and I was hoping I wouldn’t have to meet them again, but now we’re here.”

“But if you guys were friends, why didn’t you want to see them again?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s better for them, that’s all there is to it.”

“But—”

“Jean,” I stopped him, giving him a hard stare, “I’d like it if you didn’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“Sorry,” he muttered. It hurt me seeing Jean like this. He’s always been a prideful bastard, so seeing him submit like this irked me to no end.

“So?” I ask.

“’So’ what?” he asks back. I huff.

“My relations with Armin and Marco can’t have been the only reason you wanted to see me,” I say

“Oh, uh, it’s nothing…” he mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck. As curious as I am about what he really wanted, it’ll be best if I leave now.

“Well if that’s all then I’m leaving,” I say, standing up.

“Wait!” He stops me again. I frown.

“You said that’s all so I’m going,” I say, turning to leave but he grabs my arm and starts walking. “Hey! Jean! Let go! What the hell are you doing?!”

“Just shut up, will you?” he gritted out, continuing to pull me somewhere I didn’t know. Jean pulled me outside of the café and into the back.

“Jean, what are y—” but before I could finish he slammed my back into the wall, holding me in place by my shoulder and the other hand against the hand nearest to my head. “Jean…?”

“Eren, do you know how much I wanted to be like you back in high school?” he asked.

“H-huh?” I stutter, staring at him confused.

“Star of the basketball team, people swarming you left and right—guys wanted to be like you and girls wanted to be with you. You had it all, but you ignored them. Despite that you always had the most chocolates or whatever other shit there was on Valentine’s Day, everybody wanted to know Eren fucking Jaeger,” he gripes, and then softens his voice a little. “Then there’s me. The nothing but average, plain, friendless guy who nobody gives a second glance to. Gosh did I envy you, I thought, ‘That guy has it all and does nothing about it. He must be a cold bastard, why does everyone fawn over him?’ That day I bumped into you, I did that just to have a reason to snap at you. When I slammed you into the wall I thought ‘He’s actually really cute,’ before shaking myself out of it. But your eyes were really entrancing. When I saw them filled with tears I felt awful so I stopped. When it happened again it was more just because now I wanted a reason to see you again, so I waited for you outside.” He let out a little chuckle. “I can’t keep my prideful outlook with you, huh? You’re like my weakness. I have to be sweet to you.”

My eyes widened. I didn’t know any of this. So those were on purpose? And Jean did it to see me…? I felt my cheeks heating up as he brought his face only an inch away from mine.

“Eren,” he breathed, and I shut my eyes tight and he tilted my head up and pressed his lips to mine in a heated kiss. I kissed back on instinct, taking in the once familiar warmth. I realized Jean was still taller than me by at least two inches. I gripped the back of his shirt tightly, my face burning up.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. I can’t let this happen. I can’ let myself be swept away by anyone again. I felt his tongue and gasped in surprise, so he ceased the chance and practically shoved his tongue down my throat and I made a little whining sound.

I moved my hands to his chest and tried to push him off but he wouldn’t budge. Once he finally pulled away we stood there, panting, as I tried to recollect myself and tell him that we can’t be what we used to.

“Did you miss me at all?” he asked suddenly and I tensed. Did I miss him? Of course I did! I wanted to scream t him for asking such a dumb question but bit my tongue. Maybe a rude comment will make him leave me alone. Give up on me. Not talk to me. “Did you ever even like me? You told me ou could never forget someone… Was I really _only_ just a fill-in?”

_I didn’t miss you at all. I never liked you either. I’m not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else so just leave me alone. I was glad when you moved away, it took a load off._

I could feel the words on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t say them. I couldn’t hurt him that badly. I couldn’t tell that lie.

“Eren,” he says gently, brushing my bangs out of my eyes and looking at me with soft eyes, waiting for my answer. I could tell he was nervous. He was afraid of me saying no.

Did I miss Jean? Yes. Do I miss dating him? Of course. Being with him again felt nice. I felt loved. But I moved on… More or less.

My mind was usually filled with three people: Armin, Marco and Mina. After I met Jean and he transferred (for reasons I’ll explain later), he made his way into my mind too, but I pushed my thoughts of him away for as long as I could.

I pushed him away from me and started running. I ran and I thought I heard him coming after me but then I heard him yell out in what sounded like shock and I stopped short, turning around to see if he was alright.

I turned around just in time to see a football collided with his face.

“Jean!” I yelped, my voice cracking and my body moved on its own to check on him, but I didn’t dare get closer than five feet. “J-Jean, are you alright?” He groaned in response. He was on his knees as he held his eye. He moved his hand and looked at me, blood dripping from his now bruised eye.

I hesitantly got closer. “Jean? Are you alright?”

“I—y-yeah… I just… Need to go to the nurse,” he mumbled, touching his eye and wincing. I wanted to help him. I didn’t help Armin or Marco. I didn’t want Jean to hurt more. I looked around frantically searching for someone who could bring him who _wasn’t_ me. I mean, I can’t just leave him here bleeding and only able to see half as well as he could a second ago to go to the nurse himself. But if I go he might get more hurt… Ugh! This is so frustrating—!

“Oi, brats,” I hear a familiar voice call. “What the hell are you doing out here?” I whipped around to find Levi with his arm crossed as he examined the situation. “Did the ball hit him?”

“Huh—I—uh—” I sputtered uselessly.

“Yeah, it hit me,” Jean said. “You threw it?” he growled angrily.

“No,” Levi said with a roll of his eyes. “My stupid, idiotic, dumbass friend did. Anyways, why are you here? Most people stay inside.”

“We were just leaving,” Jean assured him, standing to his feet and wobbling a bit. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and caught him, steadying his balance.

“Ah, um, L-Levi,” I sputtered.

“What?” he asked dully, walking over to pick of his friend’s ball.

“W-would you please take Jean to the nurse for me?” I asked quickly. Jean snapped his head toward me.

“Why the hell do I have to do something so damn troublesome?” Levi grimaced. “No thanks.”

“Please, I have something really important to do,” I beg, looking him in the eye with pleading eyes.

“Eren, why don’t you just—” Jean started, but Levi cut him off.

“Fine, brat, but you owe me,” Levi says, taking my place and holding Jean up himself.

“Wait, Eren! Why—”

“Bye Jean!” I yelled running the opposite direction and back into the dorm. “Thank you, Levi!”

With that I ran into the building and back to my dorm. I sat slowly on my bed once inside and pressed a hand to my lips.

He kissed me, that bastard… I threw my face into my pillow and groaned. I liked the kiss but… I don’t think I can feel like that about Jean again… I want him to move on. I made myself move on (though, as I said before, I still can’t stop loving Mina).

I can’t be in a relationship even if I wanted to. I can’t give them the love they deserve because I love Mina so damn much! I sighed. I hope Levi isn’t too pissed about taking Jean to the nurse.

Levi… is annoying. He’s rude and get irritated easily.

 _But_ he’s an amazing artist and a great photographer, and I respect him. I think he might be a nice guy… Overall.

But since that’s the case, it’s probably better to keep my distance from him. He’s one of the few people willing to converse with me. Still, I can’t even tell if the guy likes me. I mean, one moment I’m an annoying piece of shit, and the next he wants to have a friendly conversation with me. I sigh, rolling over to face the wall.

I really hate life…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be in LEVI'S POV :D PLease look forward to it!!!! Cx
> 
> So, yeah, idek what this chapter was. I just have strong feels for JeanEren (BUT RIREN IS COMING SUPER EFFING SOON I PROMISE, LIKE, THERE'LL PROBABLY BE SOME NEXT CHAPTER SOON??? PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!!! I MEAN, I KNOW I SAID "SLOW BUILD" BUT GAWSH THIS IS DRAGING ON, HUH? URK. *rolls under bed*)
> 
> *clears throat* Anyways... Yeah! Hope this chapter was satisfying! I hope... Geez, please don't hate me guys ;-;
> 
> Thanks for reading and look out for chapter nine!! :D Please, please, PLEASE give me feedback for this chapter!! xo Bye-bye!!


	9. Levi POV (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's point of view on all his events with Eren and his trip to the Nurse's office with Jean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! I AM ON A ROLL! Sorry for updating so early again :O It's just when I have the chapter already done I don't wanna waster time ono;;; So, yeah, sorry! The chapters will either be on time, really early, or really late! Haha! OuO;;; *sweating profusely*
> 
> Ahem... So, anyways, yes, this IS part one, the next chapter will also be in Levi's POV and it will mostly be explaining more about himself because I wanted to elaborate more on Levi before I switch back to Eren. SO! In this chapter, it's basically how Levi saw everything that's happened with Eren and all that good stuff! Enjoy!
> 
> (PS - Okay I know I said there'd be RiRen-ish stuff, but, haha, apparently I lied! ono;;; Sorry! m(_ _)m)

The night I officially met Eren Jaeger was a night I was in a shittier mood than usual. It was 5am and I’d been up since three. Not the best time. I’d had another damned nightmare so I went out like I normally do to get some fresh air and clear my head.

As I was thinking and replying the dream in my head, this brat comes out of nowhere and nearly breaks my fucking neck, kneeing my head as he tripped over my body and fell flat on his face. He looked around confused as he tried to find the source of his dismay. His eyes practically glowed in the darkness and I recognized him easily as he stuttered out a lame apology.

“I didn’t think anyone was out here so I wasn’t really paying attention,” he said sheepishly, then squinted at me. “Levi Ackerman?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s right,” I confirmed rudely. “You’re that Jaeger kid. Quit bumping into me, brat.”

“I didn’t mean to,” he muttered, obviously annoyed by me calling him a brat. Don’t blame me, he may be tall but he’s two years my junior. Plus, he was getting on my nerves.

When he came back an hour later he seemed kinda surprised to see me still sitting there.

“Uhh, could you—”

“No,” I cut him off. I could easily just move out of the way, but I decided to piss him off a bit.

“Why not?” he demanded.

“’Cause,” I shrugged. I could see him frown in the dim, flickering light above the backdoor.

“I will literally step over you,” he threatened. Wondering if he’d actually do it, I shrugged.

“Just don’t step on me,” I complied. He stared at me.

“Are you serious?” he asked in disbelief.

“Just go,” I said irritably, although the situation more amused me. He grumbled and stepped over me.

“Good thing you’re so short,” he called to me and I glared at him. I hate when people comment on my height. Satisfied with my reaction he went back to his dorm.

* * *

 

The second time I had to talk to Jaeger was art class. We ended up paired together and he had to draw me. He was obviously not happy about the pair up as he smiled kindly at me.

I knew instantly it was a fake smile. It looked forced and unnatural to me, just really false. I figured he was only smiling because Professor Ian was watching so when he turned around I pointed it out to him.

Then I saw his face falter, just for a split second, and I realized he was used to handing out fake smiles.

 _Ah, that reminds me of myself before I decided even faking it was too big of a pain in the ass_ , I thought dully.

Once he started drawing me I was getting really bored just sitting there so I tried to small-talk him.

“How the hell can you wear a sweater when it’s so damn hot in here?” I asked, grimacing at the thought of all that extra heat. I appreciate warm rooms since I get cold easily, but the room was fucking ridiculously hot for no good reason. Verman never wanted to turn the AC on ‘cause it’ll get “too cold” and opening a window will let in “unwanted organisms,” he’s a weird bastard and it was annoying as hell.

Eren shrugged in response and kept drawing.

“You don’t really talk much, huh?” I asked thoughtfully. He glanced up at me.

“I have no obligation to talk to people, so I don’t do it,” he replied as if that were a normal response.

“No need to get smart, kid, it was just a question,” I said, more amused than annoyed.

“It’s a lot easier to draw you when you don’t talk,” he muttered. He was barely looking at me, as if he already knew my features, so I think that was just him telling me to stop talking to him.

“’S’not like you’re really looking at me,” I huffed. He just grunted and kept drawing.

Then I heard the most annoying voice on the face of the planet.

“LEEEEVIIIIIIII!” I hear Hanji calling from the hallway, despite knowing she could get in a shit-load of trouble for it.

Then she and Verman gave me a horrible headache while Eren looked at me confused.

“Shitty Glasses, you’re too loud,” I grumbled, removing myself from the class. As Hanji walked me out Erwin calmly made his way to our room. “Why the hell didn’t you keep up with her?” I grumbled, pinching his arm. He chuckled, swatting my hand away.

“She ran ahead of me, and I didn’t feel like chasing her,” he replied simply.

“Why am I friends with you two?” I muttered.

“Because you looove us?” Hanji supplied, squeezing me into a death hug. I pried her off me and looked at her with a grossed out expression.

“You wish.”

“You feel bad for our sad backstories?” she giggled.

“Yes, I feel _sooo_ horrible because Erwin came from a rich family that gave him everything, and it pains me so that you’re the daughter of two successful scientists,” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. “So? What does Hannes want?”

“Hell if I know,” Hanji shrugs with a laugh. I sighed, annoyed.

“He said he needed to talk to us about one of the freshman,” Erwin supplied.

“Why the hell do I have to leave class just to talk about a fucking freshman?” I muttered. “What a pain in the ass.”

“Still, I wonder what he wants with him,” Erwin hummed. I shrugged.

Hannes was a good friend of ours. He; blonde and tall, and a bit of an alcoholic, but he’s a good person.

We stopped in front of Hannes’ room and I knocked.

“Come in!” we heard Hannes call from somewhere in the room and we entered. “Ah, hello guys and gal! I’m sorry to pull you out of your classes for this, but I really need to know.”

“Anything for you, Hannes,” Erwin smiled. Hannes has helped us a lot throughout are time in college, he’s kind of like an uncle and I respect him.

“Well… Do any of you know a young freshman named ‘Eren Jaeger’?” he asks.

“No,” Erwin responded.

“I’ve heard of him,” Hanji said thoughtfully.

“I know him,” I said. They looked at me. “He’s in, like, all of my classes.”

“Wow, that’s great!” Hannes laughed. “Listen, do you think you can do this old ma a favor and be his friend? All of you, if you can.”

“What’s this about, Hannes?” Erwin asks. “How do you know him?”

“Well, he’s the son of Carla, the woman I always told you about.”

“Ah, you mean the woman who you fell in love with in high school but then found out she was in love with someone else, right? That’s her husband, if I remember correctly,” I say and Erwin gives me a look while Hannes smiles irritated at me.

“Rude as always,” Hannes muttered. “Yes, that’s her. She’s still a close friend of mine and like family to me. Her son… I don’t really know what it is about him but he’s never had any friends. He’s been ‘carrying a burden,’ as his mother says, since he was 10. I just want this year to be different, you know? I don’t even think he knows I work here.”

“Well, we can try our best,” Erwin agreed with a smile. I frowned.

“He’s unsociable,” I say with a click of my tongue. “Or, more like he chooses to be unsociable. I try to talk to him and he just tells me to shut up.”

“That’s the thing, Levi, my boy!” Hannes says, grabbing my shoulders before I shoo his hands away. “I want you to make him sociable. I want him to have friends like he deserves. He seems to feel… Like deadweight, if you will.”

“I can definitely make friends with him!” Hanji says confidently. “I can show him my science experiments and maybe even—”

“You are not going to do any experiments on that boy,” Erwin scolds, pinching her ear like a father would his child.

“Owww, you’re no fun~,” she pouted.

“Thank you guys, you’re the best,” Hannes smiled. “Also, if you wanna skip out on the rest of class I have donuts.”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Hanji laughs, sitting down. Erwin and I turn to leave but Hanji grabs us. “You guuuuys, have some fun! It’s just for a while!”

“Yeah, boys, lighten up!” Hannes laughs. I exchanged looks with Erwin and we sighed, turning and sitting with the two idiots. As I watched them al converse and Erwin trying to scold Hannes and Hanji and I smiled to myself.

I’m friends with idiots, but their idiots who’ve always been there for me. Throughout everything, and I appreciate them. They aren’t fake like the other people I’ve met.

Still… Become friends with Jaeger is… Not anything that’s going to happen soon. The kid hates me. I can’t say I’m particularly fond of him, but I don’t find him as annoying as Connie Springer. Gosh that guy never shuts the fuck up…

* * *

 

Now… The third time I’ve talked to Eren Jaeger is what lead me to this current situation.

 _Why the hell am I doing this again?_ I thought as I helped Jean Kirschtein to the nurse’s office.

“Umm, you really don’t have to do this anymore, I’m fine, really,” he insisted for a third time.

“Right, of course, that’s why when I first let you try going on your own you ran right into a wall,” I say, the sarcasm oozing from my voice as I roll my eyes. He blushed and seemed to stop trying.

Once we got to the nurse’s office I look around for her.

“It seems she’s out right now,” I hum thoughtfully.

“Just go, I’ll be fine until she gets here,” he mutters.

“She’ll kill me if I do that,” I say, taking a seat beside him, much to his dismay, it seems.

After some awkward silence, I decided to speak up again.

“Sooo, what’s your relationship with Jaeger?” I inquire. He choked.

“P-pardon?” he asks.

“Are you two dating?” I probe bluntly.

“Uhh, no, it was a long time ago…” he says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

“Hmm, that so?” I hum, taking out my phone.

“Umm, if you don’t mind my asking, why do you care?” Jean asks me. “I mean, Eren doesn’t like talking to people, so I can’t imagine you’re friends.”

“Why doesn’t he like talking to people?” I answer with a question of my own.

“That’s what I’d like to know,” Jean breathes. “He’s never liked being around people. He always tried to isolate himself as much as possible. Even Armin and Marco were pushed away…”

“I have no clue who the hell you’re talking about, but I’m guessing they’re important?” I say, more as a question than a statement.

“They’re childhood friends of his and high school friends of mine,” Jean explained half-heartedly, probably wondering why he was even telling me any of this. “Why are you interested in Eren so much?”

“Please, I’m not at all interested in that brat’s life,” I huff. “A friend of mine asked me and my friends to try and make nice with him and I wanted to know what I was dealing with if I decided to try.”

“I see,” he said, sounding partially relieved.

“You seem to still have feelings for Jaeger,” I say. “I mean, you say you’re not dating and yet you made out with him. Wonder why that could be.”

“You—! Y-you saw that?!” Jean fumed, face red with embarrassment (or anger, I can’t tell).

“Not hard to miss,” I snort. “I turned around to see you shoving your tongue down his throat.”

“I… I just did that because I never really got over him… I mean, he’s a great guy once you get to know him. Funny, cute, smart, athletic—the perfect guy… But he never really liked me. At least, not as much as I wanted him to.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Before I met him, he was dating a girl named Mina Carolina. She was a sweet girl, the guys I knew liked her a lot, but she had her eyes set on Eren. I don’t know the details, but there was an accident. She was caught in a car crash and now she’s in a coma. She hasn’t woken up in three years.”

Well… That’s not what I was expecting.

When the nurse finally arrived she hugged me.

“Levi, how are you?” she smiles. “You never come to see us anymore.”

I give her one of my rare smiles and apologize politely. “Sorry, Mrs. Ral, I’ve been busy lately,” I chuckle. Mrs. Ral was like family to me. I was a good friend of her daughter Petra so I used to see her a lot.

“Well, you’re welcome anytime,” she says, ruffling my hair. “Now what seems to be the problem?”

“Hanji hit this guy in the face with a football,” I explain.

“Hmm, how strange, she’s usually the one with the good aim,” Mrs. Ral laughs. It was true, Hanji usually aims the best out of all of us.

“It was almost like a force made it gravitate to his face,” I joke, though I can’t say it didn’t look like it. It really was strange. Mrs. Ral laughs and nods.

Mrs. Ral used to work at a hospital, but switched into being a nurse after she decided her time as a professional nurse was done.

“Well, I’m gonna go before this guy shits his pants. Later Kirschtein.” I wave and leave the nurse’s office to go find any one of my friends.

Ahh, that’s right. I haven’t spoken much about myself, have I? Well, where to start…

My name is Levi Ackerman. I’m 20 years old, a junior at Trost University aaand—oh, that’s right.

I’m cursed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I WAS going to add what was going to be in the next chapter, but I'd already written five pages in Word Document and I didn't want the chapter to be too long so I just decided to break it off into two pieces :'D Sorry *slithers away*
> 
> Also, I changed the dialogue in their conversations on purpose so, yeah \\(•_•\\)
> 
> Anyhow, I hope you liked that. (Also, reference back to chapter one if you don't remember Mrs. Ral being in here already ;3)


	10. Levi's POV (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll learn a lot more about Levi here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyy! It's finals week! :D ;▿; OTL
> 
> Anyways, I'm not going to use studying as an excuse if the next chapter is late, I'm going to blame stress because I am so worried lmao. Jk, I'm going to be lazy and tired after this week, but I'll try to update on time still~! :333
> 
> Anyways, ENJOY~! This is the last Levi POV (for now ;3) So, please, ANY FEEDBACK IS WELCOME~!
> 
> (PS - I am not in college, if you are in college and see any shiz messed up pleeeeease help me ;0; I need all the pointers I can get ;w; )

I never lived a life of luxury. I had to work for what I have now. I lived by myself until I was fifteen—oh, and by “by myself,” I meant on the streets. I had a family, yeah, but I made the mistake of running away when I was ten because I couldn’t take all the _shit_ I went through at home and at school.

Of course, things only got worse for me out on the streets.

You see, my family is a very fortunate family. My _family_ is very fortunate. Me? Not so much.

Remember I mentioned being cursed? Well, the curse is that I’m cursed with bad luck. Don’t believe me? I don’t really care. You could say “Oh, everyone goes through hardships, some are just worse than others, it has nothing to do with all that curse shit,” I’ve heard it all before, so say what you will, but I know my place in this world.

Being ten on the streets doesn’t make a difference to whether your 40 on the streets, got that? People ignore you just as much as they would an adult.

Oh, and a catch of the curse? While I suffer, everyone around me gets _great_ luck. It sounds selfish, but I fucking hate it. While I’m getting my foot stepped on my some bastard, the person next to me is finding a random 20 dollar bill. Do you know how hard it is to hurt every single day of your life while anyone around you suddenly has something happy for them? Well guess what. I’d like to feel happiness once in a while, too, dammit!

Anyhow, I have a younger sister named Mikasa and my mom and dad. They love us to death and I love them too.

Remember how I said they were fortunate? It’s not anything extravagant. We live in a simple house with simple things. We’re not rich but we’re not poor. To an outsider, we look like a perfect, good, healthy family.

But my family knows about me. They know I’m practically _dying_ on the inside. Sure, I sound like I’m complaining, but can you blame me? You try being in my shoes. You try sleeping with constant nightmares or walking downtown and nearly getting run over while the lady across the street is winning a trip overseas. It’s. A. Living. Hell.

I have a small group of friends who I’m usually together with when I’m not with Hanji and Erwin (they’re my best friends, hell if I know why). Their names are Petra Ral (the nurse’s daughter), Gunter Schultz, Erd Gin, and Oluo Bozado. I met them my freshman year but I’ve been friends with Hanji and Erwin since middle school. They kind of just… Pushed their way in. I can’t say I’m not pleased for that.

None of my friends know about my curse, but they do seem to realize a lot of bad things happen to me when we hang out.

A bird taking a shit on my head, a kid spilling their drink on my shirt, my pants getting caught on something and ripping (never speak of it). Then there was the time I was walking downtown with Erwin and I almost got hit by a motherfucking truck while he wasn’t paying attention because some guy just decided that he was the right guy to give 30 bucks to.

Erwin had dropped the money when he heard my scream while someone yelled “Look out!” I’m not going to lie, I was scared, I mean, who wouldn’t be? It’s a fucking _truck_.

I managed to stumble back just as the truck passed. It was so close to my face I thought I was going to die… I stumbled back a few more steps and then fell on my bottom, staring.

Why does all this _shit_ have to happen to me? Why can’t I just get a moment of happiness?

And this is what brought me into depression.

I started getting suicidal. “Well, if my life is just going to be me watching everyone succeed while I just fail at everything, what’s the point of even trying?” So I cut my wrists.

After the incident with the truck I realized I didn’t want to die just yet. I wanted to live because I feared death. But that didn’t stop the suicidal thoughts so I cut myself to subside the thoughts to a minimum. I didn’t think it mattered.

Did it hurt? Not really. It stung, but it overall felt good. Not good in a masochistic way, no, that’s gross. Good because… I can’t really explain it. It felt like I deserved it I guess. I was getting what I had coming to me.

* * *

 

I’ve had girlfriends before. But I felt kind of bad because I didn’t love them. Why didn’t I love them? Because I’m gay.

I didn’t want to accept that I was gay, though, so I tried going out with a bunch different girls.

I dated Petra for a year before I finally couldn’t take it anymore. She always looked so happy with me but I couldn’t return her feelings. So one day, I came out to her.

I apologized for deceiving her and told her I’d understand if she didn’t forgive me. But she forgave me. She said she knew that I didn’t feel that way about her, but didn’t expect that I was gay. She laughed but didn’t shun me or anything, and later she started going out with Oluo. She and all my other friends stayed with me when I came out (although my parents don’t know I’m gay yet).

My sister knows because she caught me on a date with my ex-boyfriend once. She swore not to tell so I was safe.

I don’t know how I’m expecting my parents to react so I just never told them.

Anyways, I’ve dated a few guys but nobody’s ever really made me feel like “He’s the one” or whatever shit couples feel when they love each other.

The last guy I dated moved back to Germany last year. His name is Farlan Church. We dated throughout freshman and sophomore year of university, but then he told me that he was going back to Germany. Both of us knew we wouldn’t be good in a long distance relationship, so we broke up. It wasn’t heart-wrenching or anything. It was a mutual break-up and both of us were satisfied with it,

In fact I found out he got a girlfriend recently, her name’s Isabel (Farlan is bi). He sent me a picture of them, they’re really cute together.

At any rate, so far I’ve been boyfriend-less since last year. I don’t really mind or care, and I don’t think I’ll find the right guy any time soon, so I’m content with being single.

Only Petra, Hanji, Erwin and Hannes know I’m gay (how Erd, Gunter and Oluo didn’t figure out I was dating Farlan is beyond me, but I have no problem with being seen as straight). I prefer only a small few knowing anyways, it makes things easier. I’ll tell them someday.

* * *

 

I shared a dorm with a guy named Mike, a good friend of Erwin, but a bit of a weirdo.

The first day I came he sniffed me, so I nearly decked him but he caught my arm a split second before it connected with his face, then he smirked at me.

Instantly deciding he was a freak I wanted to switch rooms, but Erwin told me that’s just how he judges people. It’s weird but he won’t do it again, and the fact that he smirks means that he liked me, or at least found I was a good person. Which is weird, because I am probably the shittiest person you could ever meet.

So, yeah, Mike is a pretty nice guy. He’s dating a girl named Nanaba, turns out they’ve been dating since freshman year of high school. They’ll probably get married after college.

I don’t know how I got into Trost instead of going to community college like I originally planned. My parents practically forced me to apply, and now my sister goes here too.

Mikasa likes to tease me a lot because I’m older but I’m about as tall as an 8th grader. I’m still stronger though, so I flipped her. We basically just started fighting until my dad came home and sent us to our rooms. It was fun.

I love my family but I hate the pitying looks I get from them, like I’m helpless. Living on the streets for 5 years should let them know I can handle the shit I get.

Oh, and you might be wondering how they found me again. Or you might not be. I don’t give two shits either way, though, I’m still going to tell you.

Apparently, they’d been looking everywhere for me. I knew there’d been a search for me once. Posters, new reports… I wasn’t hiding or anything and I didn’t let anyone touch me. Just goes to show what a shitty job policemen do to find missing people, and how shitty the human race is. There were literally posters of me all around the area I was in.

Once I even stood by a poster of me for an hour to see if anybody would do something. All I got was “You should go back home,” from a guy on heroine. Seriously. A guy on heroine told me to go home and nobody else did. I literally almost lost every glimpse of hope in humanity.

Anyways, I ended up tearing down any poster I saw (not that they were doing any good), and just let things flow. After a year I figured my family didn’t really care I was gone and were just waiting to see if the police would find me.

Five. Fucking. Years. For five years I scrounged around on the streets. I even went back home once, but when I looked through the knocked on the door. a different family answered. They moved.

Who the _fuck_ moves when their child is missing?! (Or rather, “missing.”)

The Ackerman family, apparently.

I later found out they had to move to an apartment after some German-Turkish family moved in with their son. They only lived near them for like, a month before something happened with the funds and blah, blah, blah—basically, shit happened and they were forced to move out. They don’t remember the family name, but they said they looked nice and they wish they could’ve stayed longer. Mikasa seemed to have crushed on the boy for a while, too.

Anyways, they never stopped looking for me. They said they seemed to have searched where I actually was last because they had decided I wouldn’t be there.

See, where I stayed, it was a small and barely known area.

Not to mention filthy. Oh my gosh, the dirt and grime there—it makes me sick to even remember it. Sure, a normal person might be repulsed by dirt, but when you’re a complete clean-freak like me, it’d be like hell.

And it was. I probably looked kind of crazy sometimes because the place I slept was filthy, so I may or may not have made of fool of myself by scrubbing the living hell out of the damned sidewalk until I felt it was clean enough to lay on (when I woke up I had a blanket, but I have no clue who to thank for that).

So, when they found me, it was because when they’d first started looking they’d pushed this area out of their minds, and only remembered it when Mikasa was desperate and looking at every single place they could have missed.

I guess I went there because I didn’t expect them to look here in the first place, so I guess it worked out? I’m glad they found me though, I rather live with a family rather than homeless jerks trying to take my shit.

* * *

 

Farlan. Okay, so like I said, he’s my ex-boyfriend. I met him freshman year of university. I sat next to him in art class and I immediately noticed his good looks.

Farlan had light brown hair, it was a nice color, not really common but not exactly uncommon. He had silver eyes, a really, really nice color. I don’t know, I have this thing for eyes, I mean… I know people look at eyes and go “Oh, they have really beautiful eyes,” but I mean, I can get really attracted to a person with a unique eye color.

And that’s what happened. I started glancing up at him more and more often. I got really pissed at myself for having such a school-girl crush on him but I couldn’t exactly do anything about that.

Then one day I was at the little café early in the morning and I was drinking some vanilla tea (don’t judge me) and Farlan walked in. Ignoring his presence, I continued to sip at my tea. After a few minutes I was startled when he plopped down in front of me.

“Hey,” he said nonchalantly, flashing me a brilliant smile. _Shut the fuck up, heart, this is no time for strenuous exercises,_ I commanded my heart that was now beating a million times per minute.

“Hi,” I replied simply, glad my voice didn’t sound like I felt.

“I’d think you’d know my name since we sit next to each other but just in case my name is Farlan, Farlan Church,” he introduced himself. “You’re Levi, right?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “And I do know your name, for the record.”

“Ah, really? I’m glad,” he laughed cutely. My heart skipped a beat. I took another sip from my tea. “So, uh, I was just wondering if you’d like to hang out this weekend? Maybe, like, catch a movie or something?”

Wait, what.

 _Is he asking me on a date?_ Was the only thought I could think of. _No, no, no, this guy is straight as hell, he’s just asking to hang out. I should turn him down so that I don’t get my hopes up._

“Uh, sure,” I had said dumbly. _Well shit._

“Really?” he asked, seemingly surprised I accepted his offer. “Awesome, let’s meet up at the theatre, okay? Around six.”

“Okay,” I agreed.

* * *

 

We went to the movies, watched some action movie he wanted to see while I watched his reactions to the movie (which were quite cute).

After the movies he insisted in taking me out to eat no matter how many times I said no, then he wouldn’t allow me to help me.

“Um,” some girl had approached us, “a-are you guys on a date?”

I opened my mouth to say no but Farlan cut me off.

“Yes, we are, our first, actually,” he laughed. “That’s not a problem, is it?”

“No! No, of course not, I just wanted to let you know I support your relationship. My friends are saying it’s gross but I think it’s really cute.”

“Aw, that’s sweet of you, thank you very much,” Farlan smiled. She nodded and left blushing.

“So this _is_ a date?” I asked.

“Of course,” Farlan said, now turning his smile to me.

I nodded, trying to keep my face from turning the color of a tomato but drinking my water.

“Are you gay?” he asked me suddenly. I choked and ended up in a coughing fit. He quickly moved over to my side of the booth and patted my back till I calmed down.

“I, um, do I seem gay to you?” I asked dumbly.

“Well I mean I’ve caught you staring at me on more than one occasion,” he grinned and I blushed. “It’s kinda cute, really.”

“I… Yeah, I mean… Yeah, I’m gay,” I stuttered. _I sound so fucking stupid right now. I wanna die._

“Are _you_ gay?” I asked him.

“I’m bi,” he corrected me. “But I’ve liked you for a while now.”

I didn’t say anything. “Do you like me?”

“I think the answer is obvious,” I mutter.

“But I wanna hear you say it,” he grins, leaning in.

“… I like you,” I mumbled and he kissed my cheek. I may or may not have let out a squeak (I did not, fuck you).

“That’s good,” he laughed. “So, will you go out with me? I know it’s kind of soon buuut…”

“I’ll go out with you,” I said. I felt my heart beating fast and I was sure he could hear it.

So we started dating. We’d always hold hands (or, more like he’d grab my hand and squeezed until I gripped his back), we’d flirt and all that shit. Petra was really supportive of our relationship and I was glad she completely moved on. Still, we were really, _really_ open about our relationship, but Gunter, Erd and Oluo didn’t seem to catch that. We even kissed in front of them once but they just took it as a joke. (My friends are idiots, what can I say?)

Before sophomore year started Farlan told me he was going to move back to Germany before our junior year started.

“My dad is having us move for his job… I was against it but, it really can’t be helped,” he said, his eyes looking sad and apologetic but he was smiling.

“If it can’t be helped, it can’t be helped,” I sighed. “Although I really don’t want you to go. It’ll be lonely.” Farlan chuckled.

“I don’t want to go either,” Farlan said. “I think… We should break up.” My eyes widened for a second before I remembered he didn’t want this as much as I didn’t. Farlan knew a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work out well.

“… Okay,” I said quietly.

“… But… I don’t wanna break up yet,” he said blushing. “I’m not moving for six more months, so I want to spend as much time as I can with you in that time.” I breathed a laugh.

“Cheesy as always,” I mumble, standing up and walking in front of him.

“Wha—I’m not—!” I cut him off by going on my toes and kissing him.

We broke up that summer. It wasn’t sad or tearful. We decided we’d move on and not stay attached to each other. Later junior year he texted me that he found a girlfriend. I teased him and made him send me a picture (which is now his contact picture, for the record).

Isabel is really adorable. She’s got red hair and a very happy looking face. I tease Farlan about her every chance I get (we text a lot). We broke up but we’re still really good friends.

Anyhow, yeah, that’s basically me.

Oh, before I forget, there’s one meeting I had with Eren that I forgot to mention.

It was photography class. I had to take pictures of him while he posed. I saw several glances going his way and I found it laughable yet annoying, because they’re looking at this brat instead of focusing on doing well with their own assignments.

Then I asked him to take off his sweater, just because the position I had him in would look better without it, but he refused in an instant. Raising an eyebrow, I asked him why.

“I, um, I’m cold,” he sputtered lamely.

“Liar, you’re sweating,” I rolled my eyes. “What’s the big deal? It’s just for a second.”

“No,” he shook his head. He would not budge and I didn’t get why. Sighing, not being in the mood for stubborn shit, I let him keep it on and snapped the picture.

Afterwards I tried approaching Eren but he ignored me. Irritated, I went after him. What the hell is with that? He could at least make up a lame excuse, but if there’s one thing I hated it was being ignored.

He stopped in the middle of the hall, probably thinking I wasn’t there. So, I grabbed the back of his sweater and yanked it hard enough to where he lost his balance and fell on his ass, his loose sweater slipping down his arms. Stifling a snicker I stood in front of him as he glared up at me.

“Don’t ignore me when I’m talking to you bra—” I started but stopped short. He raised an eyebrow at me.

“What?” he demanded. “If you’re going to say something say it. I looked away.

“Uh… Your arms…” I said quietly, not shy or anything, just quiet. He looked at me, confused before realizing what I meant. The cuts on his arms were visible and clearly not anything done on accident. Standing up snappishly, he pulled his hoodie on completely, zipped it up and started running.

“Oi! Eren!” I called to him but he kept running. Sighing and knowing it wasn’t my place to chase after him, I put my hands in my pocket and turned around, walking toward Erwin’s dorm.

As I walked something hit me in the back of the head hard, and being taken from surprise, I stumbled.

Right down the fucking staircase.

“Ah, I’m sorry du—” the boy started to apologize, but stopped short when I gave him a death glare he’d be seeing in his nightmares. “I-I-I, um, sorry!” and then he ran away.

Clicking my tongue, I stood up and dusted myself off.

I have to remember to e-mail those pictures to Professor Ian.

Ah, that reminds me, Eren will be taking pictures of me tomorrow.

Fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyyy, lame endings for the win!! :'D ;w;
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed that<3<3<3
> 
> Feedback, suggestions, corrections, and constructive criticism are welcome!! cx
> 
> Kudos, Subs, Bookmarks, and Comments are very appreciated<333
> 
> Thank you for reading!! If you have any questions/suggestions my tumblr is thatanimegeek.tumblr.com, or just leave it in the comments cx
> 
> OKAY. REALLY QUICK. My original idea was to have Levi cursed with bad luck, but not to bring people good luck. This idea formed after chatting with the amazing @IAmNotCapableOfInventingACleverUsername, so, thank you, you awesome person!!<3<3<3
> 
> Look out for chapter eleven!! :'D Thank you for sticking with me<3<3<3<3<3<3
> 
> (PS - It's kinda late and I didn't feel like going over and editing this chapter so sorry if there are some careless mistakes ;0; )


	11. Another Pointless Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day of trying to avoid people for Eren. Another day having to be a douche bag when he doesn't want to be. (Hannes is in this chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lame chapter title, eyyy ;w;
> 
> Anyways, yeah, idek. This is on time, right? Lol. Well almost. I was gonna post yesterday but I remembered I still had to proof and edit, so yeah, lol.
> 
> Enjoy!!

When I woke up it was dark and I was in a cold sweat.

 _Ahh… A nightmare? I haven’t had one in years… I can’t... I can’t remember what it was about._ I thought groggily, rubbing my eyes and opening my phone to squint at the time. 3AM. Great. Sighing, I laid back down and tried to fall back asleep, but I knew it was useless to even try.

After a few minutes of tossing and turning I groaned, sitting up straight, now more or less awake. I stood up and went and got my shoes, deciding I needed to clear my head. Maybe I could remember what I dreamt about.

Once I had my sweater pulled on and zipped up, I quietly opened the door and closed it again, not wanting to wake Connie up. Using the flashlight on my phone, I made my way toward the back door again.

Only to trip and fall on my face just like last time. Groaning, I pushed myself up, turning around to find Levi glaring daggers at me.

“Oi, brat, what the hell is your problem?” he asked, glaring.

“I, uh—” I stuttered.

“’Didn’t expect anyone to be out at this time,’ again, brat?” he muttered. “Fucking annoying. Why the hell do you come out here every time I do? You stalking me?”

“As if!” I denied hastily. “Why are you always out here anyways?”

“I could ask the same to you,” was his reply.

“I need to clear my head,” I say.

“Then we’re out here for the same reason,” he hummed.

“I had a nightmare,” I mumble.

“Funny, I did too,” he says, tone monotonous as always.

“And I can’t remember what happened.”

“Same with me.”

“Are you mocking me?!” I demand.

“Aren’t you testy~,” he purred with a lopsided smile. “I’m being serious.”

I noticed his words sounded slightly slurred. I stared at him.

“Are… Are you drunk?” I stutter incredulously.

“And if I am?” he grins.

“Aren’t you underage?”

“Kid, nobody _really_ waits till their 21 to drink,” he chuckled. “Wake up, will you? Besides, I’m turning 21 in a couple months, it doesn’t do any harm.”

“You’re ridiculous,” I mumble.

“You don’t know a damned thing about me,” he muttered. He seemed to be one of those smiley, teasing drunks, but luckily he’s not loud.

“True,” I agreed. “And I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Why’re you such a downer?” Levi huffed, suddenly irritated with me. “Hannes is really fucking worried about you.”

I froze. And so did he. Even in his tipsy state he caught he didn’t mean to say that.

“…You… You know Hannes?” I ask, staring wide-eyed at him.

“Forget I said anything,” Levi says, shooing me away. “Go take your damn walk.”

Harrumphing, I turn and walk away.

* * *

 

Two hours later I was making my way back to the university. As I turned the corner to the backdoor, I found Levi sleeping with his head against the door, arms crossed and an unfitting peaceful expression placed on his face.

I kneeled next to him, shaking his shoulder.

“Hey. Levi. Wake the hell up, you’ll catch a cold,” I say. He groaned and turned his head, bangs falling in his eyes. I had the sudden urge to push them out of his face before mentally punching myself in the gut. “ _Levi_.” I tried again, shaking him a little harder. When he didn’t budge I sighed. I can’t leave him out here, I’ll feel bad.

But if I help him something bad might happen… I don’t even know what dorm he’s in. His phone is ringing but he’s too out of it to answer it…

 _Should I pick it up? That might be an invasion of his privacy, though… Oh, it stopped._ I stared at it and it started ringing again. _Fuck it_. I picked up the phone and answered.

“ _Hello?_ ” comes an unfamiliar voice.

“Uhh,” I respond dumbly.

“ _Who is this?_ ”

“Erm, I’m a… An acquaintance of Levi,” I say back.

“ _Ah, I see. Are you with him?_ ”

“Yeah, but he’s sleeping and won’t wake up. I think he’s drunk and passed out.”

“ _Well that isn’t good. Sorry to trouble you, but could you bring him up to our dorm? It’s room 375_.”

“Uh… S-sure,” I say. “But how would I—”

“ _Thanks_ ,” the voice cut me off and hung up.

“Wai—Ahh… This sucks,” I sighed. _Please, please, **please** don’t wake up._ I plea silently as I kneel down and wrap one arm around Levi’s back and under his armpit, and the other under his knees, picking him up bridal style.

He made a little whiny-sounding groan as his head fell on my shoulder. I felt my face heating up and I shook myself out of it and made my way to his dorm.

Now, try putting yourself in my shoes. It’s five in the morning and you have to go the third floor of your university—by stairway—while carrying a passed out, 115lbs. 20 year old to his dorm. Not very fun.

I knocked softly on the door the toe of my shoe, and was met with a tall, dirty blonde.

“Thanks, sorry for the trouble, this guy always sneaks out of the dorm,” the man laughs. I smile politely.

“It was nothing,” I assure him. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”

“Wait,” he stopped me. “I’m Mike. Why were you out there with him in the first place?”

“I woke up in the middle of the night and went to clear my head and I found Levi,” I say. “So—”

“Ah, you must be Eren,” he interrupted, leaning in and sniffing me. Making a face, I took a step back as he smirked to himself.

“Uh, yeah, how did you…?”

“Your eyes,” he chuckled.

“Ah, yeah, I seemed to known for them?” I say, forcing a natural-sounding laugh out. “Well, I really should be getting back to my dorm now. Have a nice day, Mike.”

“I’ll try,” he chuckled and closed his door. Sighing, I put my hands in my pockets and walked back down to my dorm. I felt tired, but not in the sleepy sense.

* * *

 

By 7:30am, I sat on my bed drawing Connie while he slept (yeah, call me a creep, but when people are asleep they don’t move much, so it’s easier to draw them). The only thing is I couldn’t look at his eyes since he was sleeping, and it’s not like I spend much time looking at Connie.

A half hour later I had a full sketch of Connie’s head (except for his eyes). I started to shade it in when my alarm went off. I quickly shut it off and set my sketch book down on my bed, pulling on my  joggers and shoes, grabbing my sweater and leaving the dorm for my daily jog (the one I took at three doesn’t count).

* * *

 

When I got back at around 9:15am, I was sliding off my gym shoes quietly, expecting Connie to still be asleep, until I suddenly heard an awed shout from our room. Raising an eyebrow, I turned and walked over to where he had his back turned to me.

Seeming to sense my presence, he turned around, holding my sketchbook. I must’ve forgotten to close it before I went out!

“H-hey, that’s my—”

“This is amazing!” Connie yelled in astonishment. “You drew this? Like, seriously?”

“Uh, yeah, it’s not done though,” I mumble. “I’m sorry, I hope you don’t mind. I know it might be kinda weird to draw you but—”

“No, no, bro! This is amazing! I’m actually, like, flattered or something that you drew me!” Connie said, his eyes practically sparkling. I blushed slightly at the compliment, ignoring the “or something” because he’s Connie.

“I know this might sound even creepier, but since I was doing this while you were asleep, I couldn’t finish your eyes…” I say. _Shit, why am I acting like we’re friends? Stop now. Don’t talk to him._

“You can do it now! Believe or now, I can sit still when I need to,” he grins, moving away for only a moment to grab his chair from his desk and roll it in front of my bed, sitting and grinning at me.

I want to finish the picture… Nothing will happen, right? It’ll only take some minutes to finish…

“… Alright,” I say quietly. His face lights up and he sits completely still, looking at me intently and focused. Holding back a snort of a laugh, I sit on my bed and begin to draw him.

I finish the eyes in about 10 minutes. I quickly add some shading (which takes another 15 minutes, so forget I said quickly).

 Admiring my work, I smiled at him, and he seemed kind of surprised because I’ve never smiled at him before, but after that look he beamed widely at me. I turned the sketchbook over and handed it to him.

“Wow, you’re really amazing, Eren!” he says in reverence. “Like, I knew you could draw, but it looks so realistic! You’re awesome, dude!”

“Uhh, thanks,” I say with a sheepish smile. Looking at the time (9:47), I decide I needed food. “I’m going to go get something to eat.”

“Wait!” Connie stopped me. I looked at him. “This might seem kinda random, but are you close to Jean?” I tensed a little.

“Ah, you know Jean?” I ask. “Um, I wouldn’t say ‘close,’ really.”

“I was just wondering ‘cause you don’t talk to anyone but my friend have seen you two around, talking and shit.”

“… I mean…” I stare at Connie. He doesn’t seem like the type to care about this type of shit. I sigh. “He’s my ex.”

“Ooh, okay…” he nods. After a moment his eyes shoot wide open. “Wait, what?!”

“I’m bisexual,” I shrug. “So is he.”

“Jean is in to dudes?!” Connie asks. “Whoa, that’s a shocker. All he does is stare at Mikasa’s ass, it never even occurred to me! Then again, he hangs with Marco an awful lot, too…”

“I don’t care if people know about me, but don’t tell anyone Jean is bi, though, alright?” I remember Jean’s reaction when he accidentally told me he’s bi.

“No man, of course,” Connie swore. “You have my word.”

“Thanks,” I say politely, and leave to go get some breakfast.

* * *

 

By eleven I was making my way to art class and preparing myself for Verman’s loud voice.

Walking in and taking my usual seat, Ymir was already placed next to me.

“Good morning, Eren,” she grins. Ymir hasn’t greeted me since the first couple of days of school last week.

I glanced at her but didn’t say anything, then turned and looked back out the window.

“How are you?” she tried again.

“Why are you talking to me?” I ask bluntly and without turning to look at her. “I mean, you don’t talk to me. Ever.”

“’Cause Krista says you look lonely,” Ymir snorts.

“I’m not lonely.”

“Good to hear it!” she laughs boisterously.

A few minutes after class starts, Levi walks in, his usually neat hair in a disheveled mess and bags under his eyes, and he looks a lot grumpier than usual.

“Mr. Ackerman, why are you—”

Levi shot Verman a death glare that shut him up before making his way to his seat.

“Nice to see you’re doing well, Sleeping Beauty,” I whisper with a snort.

“Oh shut it, bright eyes, last night never happened, forget about it,” he growls moodily.

“Testy~,” I hum, mocking his tone from this morning. He glares at me and I snicker. I didn’t really notice Ymir staring at me with a confused yet surprised face.

Nothing really happened in art class after that. We drew shit, learned shit, blah, blah, blah.

* * *

 

As I walked to calculus I mentally prepared myself. I had to face Jean again… Sighing, I walked through the door with a fake smile plastered to my face as I gave a polite smile to Professor Berner.

A few minutes later Levi walked in.

“Good afternoon, Levi,” Professor Berner smiled. Levi grunted in reply.

“Oh, Hanji, said hi by the way,” Levi says, voice still sounding disgruntled. Professor Berner blushed slightly.

“Alright,” he nodded and Levi went to his seat diagonal from me.

Sasha was sitting next to me already.

“Good morning, Eren!” she beams.

I glance at her but saying nothing. _What is this, Talk to Eren Day?_ I think, holding back a grimace.

“Um, how are you?” she smiles sheepishly.

“Why do you care?” I ask straightforwardly, part of me genuinely confused. “Just yesterday you seemed to shy away from me, honestly.”

“Connie said you’re not that bad, and that I don’t to worry,” she laughs kind of embarrassedly.

“Worry,” I respond and she squeaks. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from snorting.

Then Jean walks in, eyes instantly falling on me. I shift my gaze away and go back to the window. He says hello to Professor Berner and makes his way to his seat in front of me. He didn’t say anything, and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. Levi glanced at me and then Jean, before turning back to the front.

As class when on I caught Jean glancing at me, and myself glancing at him. It pissed me off. Why didn’t Jean just get over me? Why the hell did he have to kiss me? Damn him…

Sighing, I did my math with ease, and took notes on the boring lecture Professor Berner was giving.

After class I quickly grabbed my stuff and walked out of the room.

“Eren,” Jean called to me. I started to walk faster as to avoid him, but he followed me. “ _Eren_.”

“Leave me alone, Jean, we agreed we’d only talk that once,” I said loud enough for him to hear but soft enough as to not bring attention to us.

“Look, I-I’m sorry, what happened yesterday… I know it was out of line but—”

“If you know then leave me alone,” I say, giving him a look.

“Besides that apology, this isn’t about me!” he says. I keep walking even when he stops. “Marco and Armin want to talk to you.” I freeze. Shit…

“Tell them I’m busy,” I say.

“They’re persistent,” Jean says. “If you don’t come they’ll just come to find you, anyways.”

“I’m not going,” I insist.

“What do you have against them?” Jean demanded.

“ _Nothing_ ,” I snap. “I have no reason to see them.”

“ _They_ have a reason to see _you_ ,” he argued.

“I don’t give a shit,” I growled, turning to face him. He stopped about a foot in front of me.

“Why are you so damn stubborn?” he growls back.

“Look, we were friends at one point, big whoop!” I say, taking a step closer, glaring coldly at him. “I have no business with them _or_ you anymore.”

“Eren, you’re being really infuriating right now,” Jean growled.

“Big words aren’t going to change my mind, Jean,” I say in a mocking voice. He grabs me by the front of my shirt.

“What the _hell_ is your problem, Jaeger?” he asks in a snarl.

“I don’t _have_ a problem, Jean,” I say, grabbing his fist and trying to pry him off me. “ _You_ have a problem. Now let. Me. Go.”

“Do you know how much Armin and Marco have been talking about you?” Jean demands. “Do you understand that they’ve missed you like a brother for the past _12 years_?”

“Of course I get it,” I say through clenched teeth. “I know they missed me. Hell if I know why. They should have just counted on not ever seeing me again and moved on.”

“You’re being a real bastard right now, Eren,” Jean growls.

“Nice how you can go from wanting to make out with me to wanting to punch my lights out,” I hum. His gaze hardens.

“You know, you’re _really_ good at pissing people off,” he snarls, tightening his grip on my shirt. I look at him with cold and dull eyes.

“Good,” I say. “Hate me. All of you. I have no problem with it. I already told Marco and Armin that the little ‘trio’ we had was in the past, so why don’t you run along, now, Jean?” He glares and then sighs, loosening his grip on my shirt and then letting go. I fix my crinkled shirt as I make a face at him.

“Room 247.”

“Huh?”

“Armin and Marco are waiting in room 247, in the science room,” he explained like it was obvious. “At five.”

“I already told you—”

“Bye, Eren,” Jean cut me off, waving and leaving me in the empty hallway, gaping at his back.

 _You’re not going_ , I command myself and walk to my next class.

* * *

 

Photography class was… Well, it was photography class. We switched rolls so I was taking picture of Levi now.

He seemed pretty chill with all the posing and stuff.

“Remember to have fun with this,” Professor Ian reminded us. “You can pose as silly or as seriously as you want, just make sure you take the pictures with a serious effort.”

Then Levi decided that’d be a good idea to pose like a model, going for the casual look. He takes his sweater off and [slings it over his shoulder, his other hand in his pocket as he looked intently at the camera](http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/man-suit-coat-over-shoulder-look-serious-tie-undone-37253953.jpg) [A/N: kind of like that, I think? Couldn’t find an anime reference, sorry]. I had to bite my tongue to keep from snorting. What a big shot! He’s a natural, really, he has that deep gaze that makes girls melt.

Ymir whistled. “Do you do this for a living or something?” she laughed.

“Just trying to show this brat how it’s done,” he responded, moving into another “sexy” pose (I mean, sure, it was hot, but that doesn’t mean anything). I rolled my eyes at his comment and snapped another picture once the camera was focused, then zoomed in to focus on his face.

“When you’re done taking pictures I’ll assign your homework and you can go,” Professor Ian says, working on some paperwork.

“I don’t think any picture could show Krista’s beauty as much as the real thing~,” Ymir hums, winking at a now flustered Krista.

“Y-Ymir, stop saying stuff like that!” Krista says, blushing as Ymir snapped another picture.

“But it’s only true,” Ymir laughs.

“No flirting in class,” Professor Ian says with a roll of his eyes.

“But Eren and Levi are always flirting!” Ymir complains half-jokingly.

“We don’t flirt!” I snap irritably.

“Yeah, I could do way better than an unsocial brat like him,” Levi says.

“Excuse me, Professor Ian?” comes a deep voice from the doorway. “Hi, my name is Erwin Smith, I’ve come to collect Eren and Levi for a bit.”

“Hah?” I stare. He seems faintly familiar… Ah, yes, he was the other one with Levi last week.

“Is it Ha—Professor Hannes again?” Levi asks. I stiffen. The blonde nods. He was really tall, had to be at least 6 feet. He had blonde hair combed to the side and blue eyes, similar to Armin’s eye color.

“Why the hell do I need to come?” I demand. “I’ve never even—”

“Levi, Eren, you’re dismissed,” Professor Ian says with a wave of his hand.

“But—” I try to protest.

“Don’t be such a bat, just come on,” Levi said annoyed. I glared at him and put my camera back in my bag and strung it over my shoulder.

* * *

 

As we made our way down the hall I had my hands shoved into my pockets as I ignored Levi and Erwin while they made idle chitchat.

“So, Eren,” Erwin started as I ignored him, “it seems you’re already acquainted with Hannes.”

“Hell if I know,” I lie. So I guess t really is the same guy… Why does he know I know Hannes, anyways?

“He’s always talked about you and your family,” Erwin explained as if sensing my confusion. I hummed but didn’t reply.

As we turned the corner, Erwin lead the way to a room I hadn’t noticed. He opened it without knocking and I stopped short.

As was earlier established, here Hannes was, drinking and smiley as always.

“Erwin! Levi! Hi!” said a cheery (but annoyingly loud) female. Ah, it was the girl. “Shitty Glasses” as I remember Levi referring to her.

“Oi, Four-Eyes, there’s no need to yell, we’re right here,” Levi says with an annoyed glare. She laughs in response.

“Oh, Levi, there’s always a need to yell,” she laughs then notices me. Squealing she practically leaps across the room and takes my hands. I let out a startled yelped (a totally manly noise, definitely not a squeak). “Hi! You must be Eren, my name is Hanji Zoe, nice to meet you!” she says cheerily. “I’m a junior just like these two.” She says, pointing to Levi and Erwin.

“Ahh,” I say stupidly, jerking my hands from hers and taking a step back before something hits me. “Wait, you’re a junior?!” I demand, looking at Levi. He rolls his eyes.

“I’m not a freshman, am I?” he says with an exasperated sigh.

“Well, no, but… I thought you were a sophomore,” I mumble, scratching the back of my head.

“Why?” he demands, narrowing his eyes.

“Well I mean… You’re just… You-… You don’t exactly look... Uh…” I mean, put shortly he’s—

“I’m short,” he supplies. “Yeah, haha. Just ‘cause I’m sort doesn’t mean I’m actually that old.”

“You look like you’d be a freshman in high school though,” I blurt out and Hanji bursts out laughing. Erwin was stifling something too as Levi glared at me before clicking his tongue and sitting over by Hannes.

Ah, right, Hannes…

“You wanted to see me, Professor?” I say, acting as if I didn’t know him.

“Eren, there’s no need to be polite, I’ve known you since you were a wee little thing,” Hannes chuckles, standing and making his way toward me. I stepped back immediately and stuck my hand out.

“Don’t… Come near me…” I breathe. He halts.

“Eren,” he says softly. “Does this… Have anything to do with… With _her_?” I stiffen.

 _No, no that’s not it! I don’t want you to get hurt! Don’t act like the Uncle you wanted to be, I won’t accept it!_ I wanted to scream at him. Scream that it wasn’t his fault and I was never angry for him hitting Mina.

I don’t answer him.

“Eren… I—”

“It’s irrelevant,” I cut him off.

“Huh?”

“This and that are irrelevant,” I say. “Don’t act like I was chummy with you before the accident, because I wasn’t. When you came over when did I ever go,” I bring my voice an octave higher, “’Uncle Hannes, I’m glad you came to visit again!’? Hm? Never. Everything I do has a purpose. If all you wanted to do is try and have a family reunion then I’m leaving.”

I turn to walk out of the door, not sparing them a glance…

Before I was tackled to the ground.

“Ereeeen! That was sooo mean!” Hanji screams in my face as she grabs my shirt, straddling me.

“Hey, get off me!” I yell, pushing her. “You’re crazy!”

“Hannes only ever talks about you and your family, he’s wanted to see you for so long and you just blow him off!”

“And I’ll blow you off too!” I growl, shoving her off me and standing up, dusting myself off. “You’re nuts. Since there was nothing school related needed here I’m leaving.”

And before anything could happen again I sprinted away.

I run to my dorm, glad Connie was out with some friends. I closed the door, went to my bed, burying myself under the covers.

And I cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end I waned to add: "And I cried. I feel so horrible about all of this..." and I had also wanted to add a way of Eren and Levi's curses but, like, I didn't get the chance to incorporate it, so hopefully next chapter will be better!! :'D I'm sorry if this chapter was utter bull ;0; I hope you'll continue to stick with me and look out for chapter twelve!! :'D /o\
> 
> Questions or suggestions message me at thatanimegeek.tumblr.com, or just leave me a comment~!
> 
> (PS - Eren may or may not go to see Armin and Marco ;3)


	12. Question and Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren promises to answer their questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!!! I think I made it, lol.
> 
> So, yeah, not a very long chapter, but s'not short, so I hope it's enjoyable<3 I tried my best to actual have some progress made, lol. So I hope I made a satisfactory chapter<3 Thank you for sticking with me<3<3<3 (all da hearts cx)
> 
> I'm getting over a bad cold so writing helps a lot lol cx
> 
> So yeah, point out any mistakes or anything :'D
> 
> There's a scene in here I really wanted to draw but when I tried I kind of died because I just can't do what I see in my head XDDD
> 
> So yeah, enjoy~!

Two weeks. It’s been two weeks since I last saw Hannes. I’ve been avoiding Levi as much as I possibly can and if I see his friends I turn the other way. The last time I talked to Levi was last week, and that was because Professor Ian had told us we had the best pictures in class. He said good job and I said it back, but after that I refused to exchange any other dialogue with him.

I ended up not going to see Armin and Marco, but I almost did. I even peeked into the room, but when I heard them talking I turned and ran. Call me a coward but I’m not risking it.

Sure I was curious to know what they wanted to talk about but… That’d be just like me getting closer to them. I can’t let them get hurt. I can’t let more people get hurt.

Throughout this past week my presence has been bringing more and more bad luck to people.

I walked into the library on Friday and walked past a bookcase.

Literally nothing touched it, and the entire bookcase suddenly toppled over and hit another, the thing nearly crushed a couple of girls who moved out of the way a split second before it crushed them.

“Are you guys okay?” came a worried voice, running over to them. I turned and walked back out of the library as Armin tried to comfort the two freaked out girls.

Another time I was taking my morning jog and this guy was walking past me and dropped his phone. The phone bounced off the curb but not in car territory. When I was about to call him back a biker came and ran over it. I have no clue where the hell he came from because I swear this street was empty two seconds ago.

Deciding to call him back anyways, I did so. The guy came and groaned at the sight of his very cracked iPhone 6 screen. He muttered a thanks as he bent down to pick up the phone…

And a bird took a shit on his head.

“What the fuck?!” the guy yelped, reaching up to wipe it off and then staring disgusted at his now sullied hand. “Ugggh, this s _ucks_! I was having such a good day too…”

I stood there, gaping, before sighing and gave him a simple wave before continuing my jog.

Really, now, is there nothing I can do that I like without causing trouble for people…?

* * *

 

Today is Tuesday so I have no classes, which means I can just stay in my dorm all day and draw while Connie’s out.

Connie hasn’t spoken to me since that drawing I did of him. The most he’ll say is “turn off the damn alarm or else,” but other than that we’re basically strangers. Exactly like I wanted at the beginning of the year, right?

So why can’t I stop feeling so fucking depressed?

Connie’s gotten affected only a few times to my knowledge. Nothing really major, just things like his essay that he worked on for an entire week getting deleted off his computer, his paper flying out the window, bumping his side on the counter’s corner causing him to drop the slice of cake he’d been waiting to eat all day as a reward for studying… Okay, I feel like a shit-person for having to watch him deal with this shit while I’m sailing smoothly. I mean, it’s really hard to watch a really nice, cool, chill dude get his stuff messed up while I’m a spoiled brat who accels at everything.

It sounds really, really ungrateful to say this, but I hate having the “ideal life.” I hate it because I don’t deserve it. At. All.

I know all I do is complain but I hate seeing people who’ve done nothing wrong have all this bad stuff happen! It’s horrible! And it’s all my fault.

Gosh I need to stop whining like a bitch.

Overall, it’s not too bad because nobody is friends with me. I’m alone like I planned originally. It's great.

* * *

 

Getting bored of drawing I left the dorm, arms covered with a long-sleeved black shirt, a black beanie over my unruly hair and a pair of loose blue jeans.

I walked and wandered and found myself at the science room I was supposed to meet Armin and Marco in. I peeked in. Seeing nobody, I entered and looked around.

I’ve never been a huge fan of science or chemistry. Sure, the experiments were cool, but I just could never get into it.

I ran my hand along the desks and looked out the window. Honestly, why am I even here? Even while I don’t have any friends all I’m doing is causing problems. And I keep thinking back to what happened with Hannes. I know what I said really hurt him. All he’s ever wanted from me was to be treated like an uncle, but how can I treat him like an uncle when I don’t even treat my parents like parents?

I’d like to call it independence, or me “sacrificing” my desires for the better of others, but honestly I think it’s just more me being a coward. I’m scared of what will happen if I get close to anyone again. Sighing, I turned to leave…

And I was met with Armin.

“Eren?” he asks hesitantly. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I mutter. “I was just leaving, ‘scuse me.”

“W-wait!” Armin tried to stop me, as I advanced towards the door. He grabbed my wrist. “Please, Eren, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for weeks now!”

“And I’ve been avoiding talking to you for weeks now,” I say monotonously, jerking my wrist to try and free myself, but he held tightly. I made a face. “Armin, let go.”

“Eren, why won’t you talk to us? To me?” he asks, his tone almost desperate. He wanted a straight answer, but it’s not like I can be honest with him. He let go of my wrist slowly and I rubbed it.

“Do I have some obligation to make nice with you guys?” I ask coldly. His eyes widen before he lowers his head, his bangs covering in his eyes and he clenched his face.

“You’ve change… A lot,” he says quietly, his voice quivering, sounding like a mix of anger and confusion. “You used to be so nice and optimistic.”

“That's a given, isn't it?” I agree. “I w _as_ a nice kid. That was twelve years ago, Armin. Don’t you think it’s time to face reality? We’re college students. You don’t know a damned thing about me anymore.”

“What _happened_ , Eren?” he demanded, suddenly looking me in the eye, his eyes wide. “You suddenly disappear without a word even though we were best friends! You didn’t keep in touch, and we finally see each other again and you’re acting like what happened between us was nothing!”

“It _was_ nothing,” I affirm, trying to ignore my rising heartbeat. “We were first graders, s’not like we would’ve stayed friends up till now.”

“Armin, are you in here?” I hear another voice from the hall and a moment later Marco pops his head in, eyes instantly falling on me. “Ahh, Eren… Hi.” Marco smiles awkwardly at me.

“I’m leaving,” I announce as I stomp towards the door that I somehow seemed to have gravitated away from.

“Wait!” Marco stops me, grabbing me and pulling me back with a random spurt of strength. I stumble back until my back hits a desk and I frown at him. “I-I’m sorry… but, Eren… We just… We want to talk this over.”

“There’s nothing _to_ talk over,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Please, Eren,” Marco begged. “Just… Talk to us. That’s all we want. Is that so fucking hard?!”

I looked away. Marco the angel actually swore. Then again, I wouldn’t know if he swore or not now. We’re not friends.

“… Fine…” I mumble. Marco looks slightly surprised.

“Huh?” he questions.

“I said fine, dammit.”

* * *

 

Armin sat on the ledge by the open window, one leg pulled up to his chest and the other laid straight out while Marco sat on the desk in front of him.

As for me, I stood leaning against the wall right next to the door for a quick escape. Call me a coward but I can’t have them continuously grabbing me and pulling me back into that damned room.

Oh, and somehow Mikasa gravitated into the room, too, sitting next to Marco.

“Why the hell is she here too?” I demand.

“Well, once Mikasa makes up her mind she’s not going to change it,” Armin says with an apologetic smile.

“Whatever…” I mutter. “What do you guys want from me?”

“Answers,” Marco says softly.

“To?” I press. I have an idea of what they want but I’m not just going to assume.

“How long do you have to talk?” Armin asks.

“20 minutes,” I respond. Armin and Marco exchange glances before nodding at each other. “So, go ahead and ask your questions. I promise to answer them, but I’m not promising to give a direct answer.”

“What does that mean?” Mikasa speaks up. I’m tempted to tell her this is none of her business but bite my tongue.

“I’ll answer, but that doesn’t mean I’ll tell you the exact answer. I’ll either avoid the question or answer truthfully.”

“Then… How do you know Jean?” Marco asks suddenly. I stiffen.

“W-what does that—?”

“You said you’d answer,” Marco reminded me. I sigh.

“He’s… He’s my ex,” I answer in a mumble. “I went out with him sophomore year, and the beginning of junior year before he transferred to your school.”

Armin and Mikasa seem surprise to hear that we were together in… That way. Probably because we both act like the straightest shit ever.

Marco said nothing but nodded, averting his eyes from me, his cheeks tinted red, the corner of his mouth turned down in a slight frown.

Then realization hit me. Marco likes Jean.

I didn’t say anything but awkwardly rubbed the back of my head.

“Is this _going_ anywhere?” I ask finally.

“I’m going to ask you this again, Eren,” Armin breathes. “Why did you move?”

“Personal matters,” I answer vaguely.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I had no obligation to.”

Armin grimaced and shifted his gaze outside.

“You said yourself that we were best friends,” Armin started softly, “like brothers, even, so… I just… I can’t fathom why you didn’t at least give a warning you were leaving. I never even saw any moving trucks. I woke up and you were just… Gone.”

“Exactly,” I say like the answer was obvious. “There was no time. We had to move so we did. My family didn’t tell anyone and I didn’t tell anyone. There wasn’t a choice to stay, and while I can’t tell you the reason, I’m going to need you to just accept it.”

“Accept _what_?” he demanded, his tone exasperated.

“Accept the fact that _maybe_ I don’t have all the answers for you!” I nearly yell, looking away after raising my voice. Of course I had the answers. Most of them at least.

“Why don’t you let people talk to you?” Marco speaks up again.

“Do I have an obligation to talk to people?” I ask. “It’s my life. I don’t see why I need to.”

“Don’t you think you could have a lot of fun with friends?” he asks.

“I think it’d be a good way to kill time.”

“What the hell’s with that?”

“Are we done here?” I demand with a huff.

“Why don’t you accept when people are nice to you?” Armin answers with another question.

“I accept it, but that doesn’t mean we’re suddenly friends. ‘Thanks for the kindness, I’m leaving now, bye!’ Like that.”

“That’s _weird_.”

“’ _Weird_ ,’ is giving a homeless guy money and then deciding to go out for coffee every day.”

“Where is this conversation even heading?” Marco sighs exasperatedly.

“Out the door, I hope,” I grumble, turning towards the door.

“Wait, Ere—Ah!”

“Armin—!” Mikasa’s worried voice calls at the same time as Marco’s and I turn in a split second to see Armin’s hand slip as he was about to get away from the window...

And he started falling out of it. Losing his balance as he slipped.

“ _Armin_!” I hear someone scream. Wait, that was me. That was my voice?

My legs move on their own and I’m leaning out the window, reaching for Armin’s outstretched hand, and his eyes look afraid. I reach for his hand, straining and—

I miss. I miss by an inch.

It’s like time stops for a second, a second that feels like an hour as I lock eyes with him. His blue eyes wide and dilated with fear. We’re on the third floor and below us is an alley. Hard cement. It’s like we’re frozen for a split second before he’s falling again and I hear myself calling his name, my heart ready to burst out of my chest.

And he lands.

Safely. On some mattresses.

Wait, what? I stare down at him, Marco and Mikasa at my sides, staring just as confused, yet relieved. I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

And then I notice him.

“Levi…?” I mumble breathily, still trying to fathom just what the fuck happened.

“Eh?” Mikasa questions, suddenly noticing him too. Armin was just sitting there, dazed. And, really, who could blame him?

Levi looks kind of… Wet? Why is he wet?

“Come on, guys, let’s go check on Armin!” came Marco’s sensible voice and it was like music to my ears as he runs out of the room, Mikasa and myself following.

* * *

 

Once we were to Armin and Levi, apparently, Mikasa and Marco run to his sides while I stay a few feet back. My feel sweat run down the side of my face and down my neck. I run a hand through my hair as I stare at Armin. That was incredibly lucky…

Wait, lucky? Something good happened to someone while I was around? But he fell out of the window, I know that much was my fault. But if it were to go horribly wrong, Armin’s legs would have broken for sure. Maybe most Armin’s bad luck was used up when his mom died or something, but somehow, even though he was in such close proximities of me, he managed to come out… Unscathed.

Remembering Levi I glance at him from the corner of my eye.

And, _man_ , he’s soaked. His hair is dripping and his clothes are clinging to him. The water looked pretty dirty, too.

But I needed to check on Armin before that.

“Ar… Amin,” I say, finding my voice and forcing my feet to near him, kneeling in front of him. He looks at me, his eyes seem calmer but still trying to grasp the situation.

“Eren,” he response, like he’s not sure what to say or do. I take both his hands and squeeze, the relief clear on my face.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

“E-Eren,” he stutters, seeming disconcerted. “What are you apologizing for? You didn’t…”

“I couldn’t catch you…” I say quietly, trying to keep my voice from wavering. “If I hadn’t been there in the first place then you wouldn’t have even fell. I couldn’t move fast enough. If these mattresses hadn’t been here then… Then…”

“Eren, clam down!” Armin squeezes my hands back reassuringly. “It’s true, this situation could have turned out horribly, but that’s not your fault. I made a misstep in the wrong place, it could have happened to anyone.”

I don’t know how Armin was able to survive that, but I sure as hell wasn’t complaining.

“What are you doing at here, Levi?” I hear Mikasa ask, standing up. I switch my attention to him. “And why are you wet? You must be really pissed considering how dirty that water i—”

“Shut up, Mikasa, don’t rub it in,” he growls. “I came out here to throw out mine and Mike’s mattresses, when a truck passed by and soaked me with yesterday’s rain. A moment later this brat comes falling out of the sky.”

“Sucks,” Mikasa responds in a monotone voice as usual.

“Mikasa knows Levi?” I ask myself out loud.

“Of course,” Armin confirms.

“They’re siblings, after all,” Marco finishes.

“Ah, I see,” I say. Then comes the recognition. “Wait, _what_?”

“You didn’t know?” Armin asks with a raised eyebrow. “They look, like, exactly the same.”

I looked at the two siblings back and forth. Ah, I guess he was right. Same hair, same eyes, the only difference is their height.

“Now that you mention it…” I mumble, running a hand through my hair with a sigh. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay, Armin.” I stand up and dust myself off.

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Armin asks, disappointment in his voice.

“It’s best if I get back to my dorm,” I say. “I have an art project, anyways.”

“Liar,” I hear Levi’s voice. I turn my head and shoot a glare at him. “Vermin didn’t give us any project due. He gave us a free day.”

“You’re lying to us again?” Armin asks, furrowing his brows, eyes looking hurt and I felt my heart ache.

“It’s not your business,” I mutter, glaring daggers at Levi who is unaffected by my stare.

“It’s not good to lie to your friends,” Levi hums.

“Who said they’re my friends?” I demand, using all my power to keep my voice from trembling. Damn him… He doesn’t know a thing about me… Someone like him, who can have all the friends he wants, wouldn’t understand me. We live in two different worlds. He doesn’t know the stress of a curse. I can’t even walk by someone without something bad happening. It’ll only be worse for someone I’m close to.

“Eren,” I hear Marco’s sad voice, “Do you really not think of us as friends at all?”

“I’m leaving,” I say, and it comes out more as a growl and Marco flinches.

“Why the hell are you so stubborn?” Levi asks coolly.

“You wouldn’t understand,” I sneer before storming past them and back to my dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, another lame ending I think ;w; kmn OTL
> 
> So, yeah! I think I've hit a wall ono Any suggestions??? :DDD
> 
> Questions, suggestions, or if you wanna talk my tumblr is thatanimegeek.tumblr.com, or just leave a comment!!<3
> 
> Thank you for reading! Look out for chapter thirteen!!! :'D


	13. Ouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren needs to take a junior (not Levi, don't get your hopes up ewe) to the nurse's office. 
> 
> ((Aka, me using some of my Health class knowledge in a chapter (; ▽ ;)//shot))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, lame chapter title!! \\(; ▽ ;)/
> 
> Anyways, I updated a day early ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ (I try to update on Mondays lel eue)
> 
> This chapter is only half productive ono *hides*
> 
> So, yeah, erm, I don't have much to say about this one, but I hope it'll get you psyched for the next chapter ;3 >D
> 
> Enjoy!!!! ヾ(。◕ฺ∀◕ฺ)ノ
> 
> PS - So, Eren's Mustang is in this chapter. If you remember I said he has a Mustang 1975, I believe, but I don't really like that model so I'm changing it to a Shelby ewe;;; But I'm too lazy to change it where it's first mentioned, so deal with it  
> (ノToT)ノ ┻┻ ....*picks table back up* Sowwy, that was uncalled for ;0; m(, ,)m//shot
> 
> PPS - Thank you Anon, Ayyy, and IAmNotCapableOfInventingACleverUsername for suggesting some stuff for me to add and work on!! :'D It was very helpful Cx

Its September now, second month of school, whoopee. I haven’t talked to Armin or Marco or Mikasa in the past 3 weeks. Levi, well, I don’t really have much of a choice, do I? I mean he’s in all of my classes. I try to avoid it as much as I can though.

And now it’s today. It’s Thursday and I’m sitting here in calculus Sasha on my right, Jean in front of me and Levi to _his_ right.

Ever since that day with Armin there seems to be something… Off, about him. Like, not really “off,” more… I mean, he won’t stop looking at me. Sometimes he’ll try to talk to me, and I don’t know if it’s about the incident, but I flee every time. I don’t even bother with an excuse anymore, I just take off. I’m not going to use my curse as an excuse for taking off, there’s just something about being with Levi that puts me on edge. It makes _me_ feel off. Like if I stay with him too long something will happen and it’s w _eird_.

Lately the curse has been… Getting worse. The effects it has on people lately are worse than just the normal “here have some awful for you day,” but more… Not good? I can’t phrase it well…

Look, it’s just… Y’know, _usually_ the worse that’ll happen is something hitting them in the face, but… I mean, lately it’s more…Serious than that.

I mean, it’s weird. I noticed it when the whole library incident happened but… It's just weird.

As I'm walking to my photography class, I hear a yelp, along with that little _shock_ feeling I get. I turned my head slowly and a boy was kneeling there clutching his arm.

“Ahh, it hurts,” he grits out, his words sounding breathy and shaky.

“Ah, um, are you alright?” I ask hesitantly. He glances up at me and shakes his head, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He shows me his arm which currently has a long shard of glass going through the front and out the back. The sight was sickening. Red with blood that’s still pouring out.

“It-it hurts,” I sputters out, the tears streaming down his face now, but he looks more horrified than in pain. The sight made me kind of queasy. I wasn’t sure how to help him. I mean, sure, I took a CPR/First Aid class my freshman year, but I needed that class to graduate! I can barely remember the steps we had to take… Okay, okay, I know that removing the object is a definite _no_ and, um, to stop the bleeding you, uh, you wrap it with gauze—wait, where would I even get gauze? Ahh, wait, I should really just get this guy to the nurse, huh?

“I-I’ll take you to the nurse,” I stutter, praying I wouldn’t cause this guy any more trouble.

“Please j-just help me take it out first,” he sniffles. “It hurts so _badly_ …” I shake my head.

“If I take it out the bleeding will just become more severe,” I explain as I pull him up gently but with enough force to get him standing. He seems quite freaked out, and I mean, who wouldn’t be with something going through their arm like that? He was shaking and staring at his arm like he didn’t know what it was.

“What if I can’t use it anymore…?” the boy asks, horrified. Well, I guess I shouldn’t say “the boy” since he seems to be older than me. A junior, probably, or maybe a senior, with long dirty blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and a little beard on his chin. He didn’t look like the type to really cry much, but I think most people would in this situation no matter how tough they are.

“Well, l-let’s try to take your mind off it,” I suggest without much thought. It’s worth a shot, right? “Well first, what’s your name?”

“E-Eld,” he breathes shakily. “Eld Jinn.”

“Eld, okay, I’m Eren, okay?” I say, making sure he’s not too out of it. He nods. “How old are you? What grade are you in?”

“I’m 20… A-and I’m a junior,” he replies breathily, seeming to be trying to focus on my rather than his hand that he’s started clutching again, and I noticed blood following us, and realized I needed to do something about it or he could bleed till he passed out. I ran out of long sleeves again so I’m wearing a sweater but hiding my cuts was the least of my worries right now. I stopped Erd unzipped my sweater and ripping the sleeve off enough to wrap his arm somewhat, tightly but so that there was no pressure on the glass. Then I ripped some more of the fabric off my sweater and wrapped it some more, tying it off to keep it in place. The blood was already seeping through so I hurried with him to the nurse’s office.

“Excuse me, is anybody in here?” I called once we entered, sitting Eld on the infirmary bed and looking around for a sign of anyone. “ _Hello_?”

“Just a moment!” called a female voice, whom I assumed was the nurse, from the backroom. A short moment later she came out, and she looked faintly familiar, but I decided it was nothing. She eyed me a moment before asking, “What seems to be the problem?”

“This guy, uh, Eld, he fell and got a shard of glass right through his hand…”

“Oh dear,” the nurse gasped. “How in the world did that happen…?”

“I-I-I don’t know,” Eld stuttered, eyes drooping. The nurse wasted no more time and rushed to him, telling me to call an ambulance while she talked to Eld and assured him he’ll be fine and that everything was okay. Eld seemed more freaked out and woozy (probably because of the blood-loss) than hurt, as I dialed 911.

* * *

 

So, yeah, the paramedics took care of Eld while I hung back in the hall. I was going to leave but the nurse asked me to stay back so she could tell me where his dorm was and I could inform his roommate. I didn’t think it was a good idea but agreed nonetheless. I look her over again and she still looks really familiar but I just can’t place my finger on if and when I’d seen this woman …

“Excuse me, Mr. Jaeger,” I hear the nurse’s voice and look at her. “Sorry to trouble you, but, did you happen to be at a hospital called "Rosemary" a few years back? About four years back?” My eyes widen at her.

“Why?” I ask, shifting my eyes away.

“It’s just, you look like a boy I saw back then. There with his girlfriend,” she says. “My name is Mrs. Ral.”

Mrs. Ral? I think back to that day and after a moment manage to remember:  _ah_ , _that’s right, the nurse who helped take care of Mina_. She was the one who tried comforting me when I broke down after finding out Mina was in a coma, I believe. What’s she doing as a college nurse now?

“How’d you remember what I look like?” I ask, glancing her way.

“You have a memorable face,” she hums thoughtfully. “Beautiful eyes. Plus, I never could forget you and Mina. You were so broken… It broke my heart. I’m still sorry… That we couldn’t do more for her.” I shake my head.

“It was my fault,” I mutter bitterly. “She’d have been much happier without me.”

“You think so?” Mrs. Ral asks, eyebrows furrowed in what seems to be confusion. “She seemed incredibly happy to be with you.” _If only you knew_ , I think bitterly.

“I guess so,” I force a smile with feigned embarrassment. “I guess I’m too hard on myself, haha.” Mrs. Ral smiles, laughing lightly, and nods in agreement.

“Well, anyhow, it’s nice to see you’re doing well,” she smiles. “His room is 356. Sorry to trouble you.”

“It’s fine,” I say, waving it off and give her another "prince-like" smile and wave before heading to the stairs, but I feel her eyes linger on me. I remember my arms and grimace to myself, crossing my arms and trying to hide them from view until I get to the stairs.

Once I started going up the stairs, I mean, I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going, my hands in my pockets, my eyes… Well, I mean, they were on the stairs. I guess that was a bad idea *(EYE-dea! Haha… Sorry…) because suddenly I was tumbling down the stairs with some other guy on top of me and it hurt like shit what the hell—

“ _Ow_!” I yelp as I hit my head on the ground, my back aching from all those damned stairs. I move to get up but instantly realize I can’t because the guy is basically laying on me. I groan and push myself halfway up. “Can you, like, get off me?”

The guy pushes himself up and I don’t know he kind of smells nice whatever. So now I look at the guy and it turns out the guy is Levi and did I just say he smells nice? What is wrong with me?

“Can you watch where you’re _going_?” I grimace. His legs are on either side of mine and wow this situation does _not_ look normal at _all_.

“My bad,” he apologizes unapologetically as he uses my stomach to push himself up.

“Ow! Asshole…” I mutter, standing up myself and rubbing my back. “Why the hell did you come tumbling down like that?”

“I slipped,” he shrugs. I dust the back of my jeans off and head up the stairs again, not bothering to make any more conversation. He makes his way back up the stairs, too and it’s silent besides our footsteps.

We get to the third floor and I stop to see which way I’m supposed to be going, then turning right. And so does Levi.

Once I find Eld’s room I stop in front of it. And so does Levi.

I grimace to myself. He must be friends with Erd or whoever’s inside…

Before he can I knock on the door.

“Coming!” I hear a slightly familiar voice. A short moment later the door was pulled open by Gunter Schultz form my photography class. “Ah, Eren, hi. What brings you here?”

“Um, is Eld Jinn your roommate?” I ask just to make sure. Gunter nods.

“Did something happen?”

“Oh, um, just that… He’s in the emergency room. Or, at least, on his way there.”

“What? Why?” Gunter asked, eyebrows furrowing in worry.

“Wait, Eld’s in the hospital?” Levi asks, stepping out from behind me.

“Ah, Levi, you were here?” Gunter smiles a bit.

“As promised,” he shrugs.

“Well, anyways, yes Eld’s in the hospital,” I confirm. “I’m not sure exactly how it happened but he got a huge shard of glass go right through his arm…”

“Ahh, shit, poor Eld,” Gunter sighs. This is really off-topic but Gunter has a weird looking head from certain angels. Or maybe it’s just because of his hair. “Are you a friend of his?”

“Ah, no, not even close,” I deny quickly, waving my hand, not noticing him glance at my arm. “I just happened to be walking near him when it happened. I just found out his name when I was trying to calm him down.”

“Well, thanks for the information,” Gunter nods before turning to Levi. “So what do we tell Oluo and Petra? Isn’t Eld’s girlfriend gonna be waiting there, too?”

“Yeah,” Levi confirms. Deciding it was time to take my leave, I turn and skip the goodbye and start walking, hands shoved in pockets. “Oi, Eren.” I hear Levi calling my name before I’m even halfway down the hall and grimace. I turn and give him a perfect fake smile.

“Yes?” I ask with fake curiosity. Spare me, I just wanna get some lunch. There’s no point in even trying to go to class anymore, and Professor Ian must have let them out early if Levi’s here.

“You should come to the mall with us” he says like it’s a suggestion, ignoring Gunter’s quiet protest, but he looks like he’s not really giving me a choice.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” I decline anyways, apologizing with fake sincerity. “I already have plans for today.”

“With your none-existent friends?” he asks monotonously. I harden my eyes but force a laugh out.

“Yeah, that’s right,” I laugh, scratching the back of my head. “I have a big date with my sketchbook,” I say jokingly.

“Ha-ha,” Levi laughs sarcastically and it’s really hard to play nice with his annoyingly rude attitude. “You’re coming.”

“I don’t even know any of the people you do,” I try to reason with him. “I barely even know _you_.”

“Tough shit,” Levi says with another careless shrug, walking over to me and grabbing my arm. No, wait, he locks arms with me and I feel my cheeks involuntarily heat up.

“H-hey! Let go of me!” I struggle uselessly. “Damn, you’re pretty strong for someone so short.” I half-growl, half-grumble and he glares at me while Gunter tries to stifle his snickers.

“Height has nothing to do with strength, thank you very much,” Levi huffs.

I sigh. “My coming won’t end well for you guys,” I mumble.

“Is that a threat, Jaeger?” Levi asks.

“It’s a warning,” I sneer.

“Eren, I know we haven’t ever really talked, but our friends are really nice,” Gunter says reassuringly. “They’ll like you.”

 _If they’re nice then all the more reason for me to_ not _go_ , I think with another sigh. There was nothing I could do. If I try hard enough I might be able to break from Levi but I figure there’s no use wasting energy. Plus he’s got a death lock on my arm.

“Umm, could you, like, not hold onto me like this?” I ask, trying not to grimace.

“Aww, is wittle Ewen getting shy?” Levi asks teasingly, looking up and grinning mockingly at me. I glare at him.

“No,” I mutter. “But don’t you think it’s weird for two guys to be arm-in-arm like this?” I ask. I really don’t have much of a problem with it. It’s… Nice? Maybe. Since I don’t usually get to do this… But it looks like we’re, like, I don’t know, an item or something.

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with being with a guy when you were locking lips with—”

“O-okay! I get it!” I nearly yell, my voice going up an octave and making Levi snicker. Gunter looked confused but didn’t ask about it. Crap, he s _aw_ us? This sucks…

Levi dragged me outside, Gunter on his left as he walked us to Levi’s car. It was really old looking. Actually, that’s an understatement. It was old and broken down and frankly, I feared my safety. And theirs. Me in there with them? That probably won’t end well.

“Do you think it’ll start this time, Levi?” Gunter asks Levi. I swallow.

“It’s worth a shot,” Levi shrugs, unlocking arms with me. “Just wait, I’ll try it.” Then he opens the driver’s seat and sticks the key in, turning it. The car made noises. Noises that cars shouldn’t make before going to not making any noises but a low rumble. He gets out and goes to the front, opening the hood. Out of the hood came a huge cloud of black smoke. Levi covered his mouth and stepped back waing the smoke away with obvious disgust.

“Do you have your car, Gunter?” Levi asks and Gunter shakes his head.

“I let Eld use it, but I don’t know where he parked it,” he says apologetically. I scratch the back of my head and clear my throat to get their attention.

“Uhh, we can take my car,” I mumble softly. Levi raises a bemused eyebrow at me (or maybe it was amused. He’s not that easy to read...)

“Really, now?” he hums. “Then thanks for the ride, brat.”

I huff and lead them to my car, and I guess I didn’t realize they’d have such an extreme reaction to it.

“Whoa, wait!” Gunter stops me as I reach for my keys. “This is seriously _your_ car? No joke?”

“Uh, yeah,” I confirm dumbly.

“A _Mustang_? You own a _Mustang_?” he continued, his voice unbelieving. "I mean, that's a freaking Shelby!"

“How’d a brat like you get such a good car?” Levi chimed in, not really sounding amazed. If anything he sounded quite annoyed.

“Uh, I mean, my dad paid for most of it, but I worked for it,” I say, getting out my keys and unlocking the car, settling in the driver’s seat and starting it up, the engine starting smoothly. Levi sat next to me and Gunter sat behind him in the back, before taking off his sweater and shoving it at me. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Umm, you don't seem to want to show your, uh..." he trails off, averting his eyes and I then remember my arms. I look away and take the sweater, slipping into it and mumbling a thank you. And then I sit there.

“Umm…”

“What’s wrong?” Levi asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I, uh... don’t know how to get to Trost Mall…”

“Are you _kidding_ me?” Levi groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyy, dat ending doe ;0;//shot
> 
> Okay, so, when Eren called his own smile "prince-like," it's not cuz he's conceded por anything, he's just using what other people have said before, lol. As for the "EYE-dea," I just wanted to make sure you knew that was Eren being a dork, not a random A/N lel ewe//shotx2
> 
> ANYWAYS! Idk sometimes I switch between calling Erd Eld and Erd xo So if you see that, please correct me! Haha! Tbh I almost called him Erd Schultz instead of Jinn #EpicFail ;▽;
> 
> So, yeah, the next chapter will be their mall adventure ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻ I hope it will be satisfactory! 
> 
> Also, I think I might start tracking this fic on Tumblr? Maybe??? Idk it depends on this chapter's feedback I guess ;0; OTL Idk whenever I wanna do something like that it makes me feel kind of conceded? Especially since I'm still an amateur writer??? Is that weird?? :OOO
> 
> Anyways, yeah! Squad Levi ftw!!! >D I hope you liked this chapter and will continue to stick with meeee!! (ㅇㅅㅇ) Thank you very much for your support m(_ _)m
> 
> I don't know why I keep putting my Tumblr URL here but if you ever need a friend I'm here!! :'DDD orz  
> Tumblr: thatanimegeek.tumblr.com ;w;
> 
>  
> 
> PS - The next chapter MIGHT be POV switching between Eren and Levi ono Maybe. Idk if it's a good idea... *rolls away*
> 
> PPS - I don't remember if I called the hospital Mina's at anything before, but from now on it'll be Rosemary//shotx3


	14. Mall Adventure (TBC =w=)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of Eren's mall adventure with Levi and his squad B)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIIIIIII!!!! :'D Okay, so, just a heads up this /is/ a chapter that is switching POVs between Eren and Levi. It changes a few times so please bare with me OTL||||
> 
> So, yeah! I hope you enjoy~! >w
> 
> PS - So, like, Erd' fiancee was never given an official name as far as I know, and Idk why, but I always see her and the name "Jane" pops into my mind so... voila! ouo;;;

**Eren POV:**

Levi ended up driving us there while I sheepishly sat in the passenger’s seat.

“How the hell do you not know where the most popular mall in the city is?” Levi continued to rant about my ignorance.

“I’ve only been there once,” I protest, “and I wasn’t even the one driving us there. Plus, I didn’t even go inside. Just waited for him to come out.”

“Do you have _any_ resemblance of a social life?”

“Not really, no,” I mutter, sinking lower in my seat.

“S-so, Eren,” Gunter starts, trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit, I’m guessing, “what school did you come from?”

“Trost High,” I reply.

“Ah, I see,” Gunter smiles. “Did you know Marlo Freudenberg?” 

“Huh? Yeah, he was on the basketball team with me.”

“So it really was you,” Gunter says thoughtfully. “He was always talking about his ‘amazing captain’ who he looked up to. He said you didn’t talk much, but you were still inspiring.”

“All I did was blow them off,” I say. “I have no clue why they ‘looked up to me’ so much…”

“Probably because you’re a likeable, admirable guy,” Gunter smiles. I have to hold back a little smile tugging at my lips and turn my head to look out the window, shrugging in reply.

A few minutes later we arrived at the mall. Levi took out his phone and started talking to someone before hanging up and turning to me and Gunter.

“They’re in the food court,” he says leading the way. I follow with my hands in my pockets, looking around. Then we got inside.

“W-whoa, this place is huge!” I stutter, looking around like I was in a different world. Lame as it may be, I’ve never seen the point in a mall. A bunch of stores lined up, some cheap some expensive. I don’t see any fun in walking around buying useless crap for an hour or more. But… I mean, it looks really cool. It’s huge inside and loud and sparkly and wow I sound like a little kid but this is really new to me. I don’t have friends so I’ve never come to places like this. Jean had me come once but I just waited for him to come out and slept in his car. Levi raised an eyebrow at me.

“You’ve never been to _any_ mall?” Levi asks. “ _Ever_?” I shake my head.

“I-is that weird…?”

“Very,” Levi drones. “Where do you go to by your clothes?” I shrug.

“My parents usually got them for me. When I went by myself I’d just go to the local Walmart.”

“Understandable, I guess,” he mumbles. “But have you seriously never had _any_ friends?”

“Not since second grade, no.”

“You’re so weird…” Levi mumbles and I flush.

“W-well excuse me!” I huff, crossing my arms as I follow Levi and Gunter. Then I remember he has friends waiting here. Great…

* * *

 

**Levi POV:**

When I first saw Eren I thought he was going to be this player type who flirts with everyone and has all the “cool friends,” and hangs out in all the most “popular” spots, but the kid’s never even been to the mall before!

As we approached the food court I looked around for Petra’s strawberry blonde hair before spotting her waving at us and calling us over.

“Come on,” I say, more to Eren than to Gunter, waving the bright eyed boy to follow us. Eren’s eyes are… Intriguing, for lack of a better word. They’re strange but beautiful. That’s really the only word I can use to describe it. One was a green that’s always changing, and the other was an amber-golden color. They aren’t… natural.

Eren grumbles something under his breath but follows us nonetheless.

“Hey guys,” Gunter smiles at Petra Eld’s girlfriend, Jane, and gives Oluo a fist bump.

“Where’s Eld?” asks Jane, looking around for her boyfriend. Gunter fidgeted.

“The hospital…” he says.

“Huh?” the three stare at him.

“W-why? What happened? Is he alright?” Jane asks worriedly.

“Don’t worry, Jane, he’s got a bad arm injury but he’ll be fine,” Gunter assures her. She sighs in relief but still looked worried.

Oluo is the first to notice Eren who seemed to be trying to make himself disappear.

“Hey, who’s this brat?” Oluo asks, pointing an accusing finger at Eren, who grimaced at being called a brat yet again. Then there’s Petra who grimaced at Oluo’s attitude. _(A/N: Sorry for the repetition_ _(_ _≧_ _Д_ _≦_ _) >0<)_

“Oluo, if you’re trying to be like Levi again, please stop,” she grits out. “It’s gross.”

“Uhh…” was Eren’s intelligent response. Petra stood up and smiled at Eren, taking his hand.

“Wow! You have really pretty eyes,” she complimented him with a smile. I’m Petra. What’s your name?”

“Eren,” he says.

“Nice to meet you! Are you a friend of Levi’s?”

“No,” he denies without any hesitation. “He forced me to come here.” Oluo laughed and Petra sighs. I shrug.

“He needs to get out more,” I say.

“Are you my mom?” Eren gripes.

“Maybe.” He face palms at me and Petra laughs.

“Don’t worry Eren,” she says reassuringly. “He just likes you is all. He doesn’t usually get so cozy with new people~.”

Eren grunts in reply and shoves his hands in his pockets.

If I’m honest, the only reason I tried talking to Eren was for Hannes’ sake, but the brat proved to be an amusing one and I can’t say I’m not interested in getting to know him just a little more. For my entertainment, of course. Though, I am surprised Hanji hasn’t tried talking to him again. I thought she’d be the most persistent one out of myself, Erwin and her.

* * *

 

Eren looked positively amazed by Trost Mall. He was staring at it like he was in a foreign country.

“Aww, Eren, you look like a kid in a candy store~,” Petra giggles.

“He looks more like a puppy about to get a treat from its master,” I snort. Eren glares at me.

“Why am I even here?” he demands.

“’Cause I said so?” I shrug like it’s obvious. He huffs and puts his headphones on, to which Petra and Jane snatched from his ears.

“Hey-!” he goes to protest but they just giggle and Petra points a scolding finger at him.

“You shouldn’t plug your headphones in when you’re with friends,” she scolded.

“Fre—we’re not—!” he tries again, but Gunter interrupts him.

“If only Eld were here,” Gunter hums. “It’d be even more fun.”

“We’ll just have to make this fun for Eren!” Jane giggles.

“Is it really your first time in a mall?” Oluo asks and Eren flushes, grumbling under his breath.

* * *

 

**Eren POV:**

Levi is an asshole. Petra and Jane are pretty nice, Gunter is cool, too. But Levi’s an asshole. Oluo? I… He’s… Really… Honestly, I have no idea what to make of him. He’s a follower, I guess. His personality… Could… I can’t read. He seems to want to badly impress Levi rather than Petra. I mean, I’m assuming their dating the way she’s holding onto his arm. Then again… Remembering Hanji, some people are just really touchy-feely, although that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Anyways, they were all teasing me about never being to the mall and it as really annoying, not to mention embarrassing. Why was it such a big deal, I mean, yeesh! So I don’t shop a lot, big whoop! Just drop already, dammit.

“So, Eren, did you bring any money?” Jane asks.

“I don’t think so,” I say. “Like I said, Levi, quite literally, dragged me here.”

“Check your pockets~,” Petra says. I don’t know why they wanted to know if I had money. Did they want me to buy them something?

I reached in my pocket and pulled out my wallet, opening it and checking for money. A hundred dollar bill… When the hell did I even get that? And a few ones.

“Anything?” Petra asks.

“Uhh… About a hundred…?” I mumble.

“A hundred?!” everyone but Levi shout simultaneously, although he did raise an eyebrow.

“Is it… That weird…?” I ask. I mean, yeah, I know it’s not exactly common to just randomly have a hundred on you, but my dad probably slipped it into my wallet at the beginning of the year. How I missed it for so long is beyond me, though… My mom always did say I was oblivious but this is outrageous.

“Of course it’s weird, shitty brat,” Levi scoffs. “What 18 year old randomly has a hundred on them?”

 _My dad probably gave it to me in case I made any friends this year,_ I think. Or, I mean,  I thought I thought it, but then I realize they’re staring at me and I guess I said it out loud.

“You don’t have any friends?” Petra asks. “But I always hear people talking about you.”

“ _About_ me,” I say. “That’s the key word. Once people realize I’m not interested they move to just talking about me as if I don’t hear them.”

“That’s like you, Levi!” Petra laughs. “Everyone thinks Levi is this really scary, quiet guy who likes to make shit jokes and threaten people.”

“You mean he’s not?” I ask, only partially sarcastic.

“Ha-ha, oh Eren, you are a riot,” came Levi’s sardonic, monotonous tone as he rolled his eyes.

“Wait, shit jokes?” I ask, looking confused.

“You’ve seriously never heard him?” Gunter asks with a raised eyebrow, looking genuinely confused. “That’s like, all he does in class.”

“I try my best to tune out every living person surrounding me,” I shrug.

“You’re pretty dark,” Jane laughs awkwardly.

“No I’m not,” I disagree.

“You could be really popular with those looks,” Petra says with a wink. “Why not use them to your advantage?”

“Why does everyone think I need to so badly?”

“Because you’re a sad sight?” Levi supplies. I promptly flip him off before taking my headphones back from Petra and pocketing them. I know I’m acting douchey-er than usual, but I’m kind of pissed Levi dragged me here. I honestly don’t understand why he feels the need to try and be friends with me when before the sight of me seemed to piss him off after our first time meeting.

Around 20 minutes later we wandered into a big-ish store called Hot Topic because Levi wanted to. I’ve never heard of Hot Topic before… It looked pretty cool and had some pretty rockin’ music. I looked around. They had a lot of anime stuff in one are, and some, like, punk-ish looking stuff, cartoons and other stuff. My Little Pony, too.

“Have you ever been to Hot Topic before, Eren?” Gunter asks. I shake my head.

“This is my first time ever even hearing of it, to be honest,” I mumble. “I really like it though.”

Jane and Petra had gone and wandered to some other store, dragging Oluo along with them, and Gunter was in the back. I tried to say that I wasn’t going to buy anything anyways and wait outside, but Levi said that wasn’t an option and dragged me back inside by the front of my sweater.

So now, here I was, following Levi around the store, but I did put my headphones back on. As the song I was listening to ended I hear Levi clicking his tongue. I take one bud out of my ears.

“What’s wrong?” I ask in a bored voice.

“I want this jacket but I don’t have enough for it,” he mutters. And I recognized that jacket. How could I not? I designed it.

Remember how I said that I didn’t want my dad to pay for my car for me without me helping? It wasn’t too hard, I guess. I mean, the drawing took me weeks to perfect, but they seemed to really like it. I got a 2,000 dollar reward for winning, and sometimes I get mailed money, too.

The design was pretty simply. It was a pair of wings. One wing a shining blue, and the other a pure white. It was coming out of a, well, a shield basically. I’m not sure why or how I thought of it, but since people seemed to like it I wasn’t complaining. And it was all rom the safety of my home.

“You… Like that one?” I ask dumbly.

“You don’t?” he asks back.

“N-no, I uh…” I clear my throat. “I can get it for you, if you want. Or help pay for it in the least.”

“Why?” he asks, holding the jacket still and looking at me from the corner of his eye.

“Um, because you want it…?” I say hesitantly. I have money, he can’t afford it. How are you going to ask me _why_? It’s not like I’m gonna use it anyways. “How much is it, anyways?”

“About 30 bucks,” he says. “I only brought a twenty.”

“Save your money, just let me buy it for you,” I offer again.

“Why?” he asks again, fully turning to face me. Okay, now I’m kind of annoyed.

“Because you said you can’t afford it,” I huff. “Is it wrong to want to buy it for you?”

“Usually only friends would want to do something like this,” he says, and I knew he was teasing me despite his facial expression not changing from being expressionless. I felt my eye twitch in irritation and my cheeks redden slightly.

“I have nothing to do with this money, friendship has nothing to do with it,” I protest. “Just accept the favor.”

“Alright,” he shrugs.

* * *

 

**Levi POV:**

Eren can be really hard to read sometimes. He goes from being a douche, to being shy, to being openly friendly. I think Eren is trying really hard to do… _something_ , but I have no idea what. Anyways, since he offered to pay for the jacket I have no objections. Saves me money.

I’ve always seen it but never had the chance to actually get it. And when I did, like today, I was short on money. I’m lucky I brought Eren with me, I’ve been wanting this jacket since it came out.

Wait, lucky? I got lucky? I’m probably just over analyzing things. I mean, I dragged him here so… It really has nothing to do with luck, right?

Eren walked back over to me a minute later and handed me the jacket, which I took gratefully.

“Thanks,” I say. He shakes his head, and I swear I see his cheeks tainted red. Just a little. “You alright?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I just, umm… I’m a little… Embarrassed…?” he tries to find the right words, but when he failed he blushed more and covered his mouth, averting his eyes and shoving his other hand in the sweater’s pocket. It was actually pretty cute.

Cute? Huh? Who said cute? Oh, wait, that was me? Shit, what the hell?

“So does heterochromia run in the family?” I ask, trying to make conversation with him. He calms down and stares at me blankly for a moment before shaking his head.

“No, I’m the only one,” he says, seeming to be trying not to grimace. I hum.

“I’m the only one in my family with this color eyes, too,” I say. “Everyone says they’re weird because they’re ‘silver’ and ‘cloudy.’”

“Really? I think they’re pretty cool,” he says, seemingly without thought because when the words slipped from his mouth he seemed to have a mini heart attack. “I-I mean, they’re unusual, sure, b-but at least it’s more natural than mine. Like, I mean, you know… They’re… Nice? I guess…”

“I’m going to assume your complimenting me,” I say with a chuckle. “Thanks.” He mutters something back and I just laugh a bit, and he stares at me. “What?”

“Nothing just… I’ve never really heard you laugh, I guess?” he twirls the string of his sweater around is index finger. “You always look really serious. Glad to know there’s a soul in there.” I scoff.

“You’re one to talk.” He laughs.

“I guess you’re right,” he says with a smile and I believe that’s the only genuine smile I’ve ever seen on him.

* * *

 

**Eren POV:**

Crap, did I just laugh? Ugh, this guy is making my façade fall. Still, I can’t say I don’t like this feeling.

“Eren? Is that you?” I hear a familiar voice. I turn to it. “Ah! It is you~!”

“M-Mylius?” I stutter and he grins, practically tackling me in a bear hug.

“Long time no see, Captain!” he laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, dat ending doe//shot
> 
> So, yeah, next chapter will be the rest of Eren's day. Not much, really. It'll be the mall and I'll think of something else to amuse you guys ;w;
> 
> I'm trying to make Eren whine less, but now he's kind of coming off like a docuhe OTL So I need to work on that more... ^u^);;;;
> 
> Also, I have started tracking this fic on Tumblr .///. /o\ the tag is #ficNGCFM 
> 
> I mean, the last chapter did pretty well /n\ So, I mean, yeah, I'm kind of panicking because I've never done something like this before OTL So, yea... *backs up slowly into the dark bititng lip nervously* 
> 
> If you have questions or just wanna chat, reach me on my tumblr!! /:DDD : thatanimegeek.tumblr.com ^w^);;;; Or just leave a comment >w
> 
> Look out for chapter fifteen!! Thanks for all the support! You guys are awesome!!! :DDD
> 
> PS - I didn't really proof read this chapter due to a disease I have called laziness =w= So please point out any mistakes you see! Haha! ;w;


	15. Mall Adventure (cont.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren rides his first roller coaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter isn't at ALL what I planned, but it will suffice XD Final Mall Adventure lololol
> 
> Also, early update, eyyyy BD
> 
> I wanted to somehow incorporate Levi saying "Look Eren, at this big-ass mall" but I couldn't xD
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this fun little chapter~! It's a lot of fun I promise... Well, I mean, I thought it was fun XD
> 
> Enjoy~!

“I’m not your captain anymore, Captain,” I say, and without thinking about it, reaching and ruffling his hair before quickly retracting my hand and ignoring the surprised look on Mylius’ face (that almost instantly turned into a huge smile).

“Haha! True, but you’ll always be my captain!” he laughed. I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips that I forced off my face and wow I’m in a pretty good mood today. “Still, I never expected to see you here before.”

“I’m only here because this guy—” I pointed to Levi, “—forced me to.”

“He’s pretty short,” Mylius whispered loudly to me and I saw Levi’s eye twitch.

“I’m three years your senior,” Levi informs him seriously. “Try calling me short again.” Mylius stiffened and gave a smile that looked like a mix of apologetic and nervous. I laugh a little and I see Mylius’ eyes light up.

“You’re in a good mood, huh, Eren?” Mylius smiles. “I’m glad. We were kind of worried about you back at Trost, honestly.”

“Worried?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Since you didn’t really have any friends,” he says sheepishly. “I’m glad you’re finally making some.”

“Who, Levi? We’re not—” before I could protest Levi smacks me on the back like we’re pals, except he did it really hard and it hurt like hell.

“Don’t worry, kid, we’ll take good care of ‘im.”

“Thanks,” Mylius smiles. “Now I can reassure the team, haha! Speaking of which Marlo’s here with his girlfriend.”

“… Marlo has a girlfriend?” I ask.

“Marlo has a girlfriend?!” came Gunter’s laughing voice as he appears out of nowhere.

“Yeah,” Mylius laughs. “I was surprised too. She’s actually really hot, though!” then he looks at Gunter. “My name is Mylius,” he smiles, sticking out his hand. Gunter shook it.

“Gunter,” he smiled. Mylius took out his phone and started to call someone.

“I’ll call Marlo right now!” he says excitedly. Before I could try to get him to wave it off, Gunter starts talking.

“Cool, I haven’t seen that guy in forever,” Gunter smiles. I sigh silently. It’s not like I’m going to stop him for my own selfish reasons now that Gunter’s here.

“Ah, Marlo? Come into Hot Topic!... Why? I found Eren!... Yes, really—oh and a guy named Gunter? He seems to know you… Okay… Yeah, bring her too… Drag her if you need to!... Haha, okay, hurry though!” and then he hung up.

Sure enough, a minute later Marlo walked in with some girl.

“Ah, Eren!” he exclaims once he spotted me and jogged over, and I raised my hand for a high five. He seemed to have not been expecting it but once he registered he hurriedly high fived me.

“No hello for me?” Gunter asks with a smile and Marlo’s face light up and he and Gunter hug. “Long time no see, kid. How’s school going?”

“It’s good,” Marlo says.

“So, who’s this _girlfriend_ I heard about, hmm?”

Marlo blushes and glares at Mylius, who shrugs with a laugh. Marlo motions the girl he came in with over and she walks over with a smile. She looks over Levi, then Gunter, then me. We lock eyes and hers widen.

“Eren?” she asks with a growing smile. I raise an eyebrow.

“Uhh… Yes?” I tilt my head.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t remember me, but I’ll try my luck,” she says. “My name is Hitch Dreyse.”

Hitch…? Wait… Oh… _Ohh_. I remember now.

“Ah!” is the noise I made with my little epiphany. “You were one of the assholes who made fun of my eyes.”

“Aha, I guess that would be the impression I left,” she giggles. “But wow, haven’t you grown into quite the looker! Got a girlfriend yet?”

I tense and look away, shaking my head. “Of course not,” I mutter. Sensing my sudden discomfort, Mylius quickly starts explaining how Marlo and Hitch met.

“Hitch is a cheerleader at Rose High, and Marlo ‘ _accidentally_ ’ tripped and fell on her after one of our games,” he laughed. I felt a smile tugging at my lips.

“I-it was an accident!” Marlo protested. “I would never do something so indecent on purpose!”

“Aww, but Marlo, it was pretty hot~,” Hitch hums, and Marlo rolls his eyes but I didn;t miss the blush that dusted his cheeks.

“Well, I’ve had enough high-schoolers for today,” Levi says, slipping into his jacket, and it suited him.

“Ah!” Mylius made a noise of his own upon seeing the jacket and I remembered I had told the team about it when they wouldn’t stop bugging me about why I was more engrossed in my sketchbook than usual. All of them bought one when they came out despite my protests that they didn’t have to. Mylius wore it the most often and he happened to have it right now because he just untied it from his waist.

“Oh, that’s right,” Marlo smiled thoughtfully. “How nostalgic.” Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Do you know why that jacket is so special?” Mylius asks, trying to keep a serious face but ended up smiling a little anyways.

“No,” Levi deadpanned.

“It’s because Ere—” I yelped and jumped behind him, covering his mouth with my hand. “Mmf!”

“It’s because I bought them all one when they joined the team,” I say with an awkward laugh as they all stared at me like I was crazy. The Levi rolls his eyes muttering “rich brat” and then saying he was going to find Oluo, Petra and Jane and Gunter followed. I waited until I knew they left I sighed in relief, letting go of Mylius.

“Ereeen,” Mylius whines. “Why didn’t you let me tell them?”

“Because it’ll just make me seem like a douche,” I grit out.

“How so?” Mylius asks with a pout.

“He already thinks I’m some rich guy with everything,” _which is far from the truth in the first place_ , I think with a sigh. “Just… Please. I know I don’t really deserve it, but can you do this for me?”

 Mylius gives me and smile and before I can dodge wraps me in a hug. “Yes sir!” he grins. He doesn’t let go and I slowly start to raise my arms to hug back before Levi appears and clears his throat. We jumped and he pulled back.

“Save your flirting for later, Jaeger, Petra and the rest are beckoning you.”

“I’m not gay!”

“We weren’t flirting!” Mylius and I exclaim at the same time. Levi rolls his eyes.

“C’mon, brat,” Levi says, turning and walking, expecting me to follow. I glare at his back before sighing and rolling my eyes. I ruffle Mylius’ hair one more time and wave to Marlo and Hitch then walk in the direction Levi went in.

When I caught up to Levi we were already where the others were. I looked to see where we were and it was a small indoor amusement park/arcade (like I said, this place is huge). I’ve never been to one because I figured if I did someone would fly off a ride cause of my curse.

Wait. My curse. I’d forgotten all about it. I thought back to all the events today to try and think of anyone I could have affected but… Nothing came to mind. What the hell? Is this just a weird day? I’ve gone without affecting people I’m hanging out with before, but if they don’t get affected then the people around us do. But I can’t think of one thing today. I have no clue if I should be happy or worried because the last time something like this happened it doubled over on me and then Mina almost died.

I swallowed thickly and lowered the zipper on my sweater a little more, suddenly feeling kind of hot.

“Oi, brat!” Levi called, finally noticing my absence by his side. “Hurry up and get your ass over here!” Not bothering to make an argument, I made my way to him and he led me to Gunter and the rest.

“Took you long enough Ere-guuh!” Oluo tried to scold me and bit his tongue hard enough for blood to spurt out.

“W-what the hell?” I shriek. I stare the others. Gunter and Jane are snickering, Petra looks annoyed, and Levi looks disgusted. “Um, is he okay? I’m pretty sure that’s not normal!”

“No, it’s normal,” Petra says with a roll of her eyes. “He’s just that stupid. He always does this.” I gape at her and look from Oluo who is trying to soothe is abused tongue and then back to Levi and the rest.

I decide it’s best not to question it anymore and rub at my temples, trying to sustain what felt like an oncoming headache.

“You guys are ridiculous,” I mumble. Petra laughs.

“Well, come on you guys!” she says in a sing-song voice, hopping to her feet. “Are we gonna go on rides or what?”

“Count me out,” I grimace, shoving my hands in the pockets of my sweater. Things may have not happened up till this far, but I should probably still be careful. If I let my guard down it’ll probably come back and bite me in the ass.

“What? No way,” Petra pouts. “It’ll be fun, I promise!”

“That’s not the problem,” I say.

“Don’t tell me you’re scared,” comes Levi’s irritatingly monotone yet teasing voice.

“Yeah, I’m scared, sure, let’s go with that,” I huff. “I’ve never been on one.”

“Why not?” he asks, almost like a challenge and I was tempted to go on just to prove him wrong.

“Because I had the feeling if I did something would go wrong,” I say, trying to keep it as vague as I could.

“I feel like that all the time, doesn’t stop me from having a good time.”

“It’s different.”

“How so?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“I’d prefer not to.”

“I didn’t ask what you preferred.”

“Ugh, you’re so persistent!” I groan.

“Then go on the ride. It’s not like it’s a _real_ , real one. It’s not going to be scary.”

“Fine, I’ll go on the damned rollercoaster! Happy?”

“More amused, but sure.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“You’re one to talk,” he scoffs.

“Anything I’ve done to annoy you is your fault.”

“Hah? How so?”

“The first time we met, you wouldn’t let me pass you to get to my dorm. Of course I’m not going to just warm up to you! You were a dick about me tripping over you, too. How was I supposed to know you were there?”

“You look. And _sooo-rry_ for not being my usual ‘peachy self’ at 5 fucking AM,” he huffs sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“Um, guys?” Petra calls to us and we look at her. “As entertaining as this is, are we gonna ride stuff or not?”

I blushed and Levi muttered under his breath and she smiled.

“Oluo, let’s go on that one!” she says eagerly, pointing to a ride and Oluo smiled and nodded and they went. Jane wandered off with Gunter, probably since Eld wasn’t here and I suddenly felt bad for coming instead of him but I didn’t have too much time to think about it because Levi was pulling me by the arm to a rollercoaster. It was obviously smaller than one you’d see at an outdoors amusement park, but it was pretty sizable and I’ve never really been that high up or gone that fast but whatever.

The line isn’t that long so after a couple of minutes Levi and I step into first cart. I didn’t realize how long the thing actually was. It was the biggest one here but I mean… I don’t know, I guess I’m kind of nervous?

A few moments later the ride starts up and the things is telling us to keep out limbs inside and all that shit. I drum my fingers on the safety bar, waiting for it to start. Once it start moving I gripped the thing tightly. Was this a bad idea? This was probably a bad idea. Oh crap, if I scream at that drop (which isn’t even that large, probably) I’ll look like a total wuss in front of Levi. Wait, since when do I care what he thinks? I don’t. It’s more like… I don’t wanna look weak in front of him and—oh crap the drop is fast and I totally did _not_ just let out a high pitched girly shriek, nope, not me, that was not my voice. Crap this is weird, my stomach feels weird, it’s flopping around and I don’t like it and I squeeze my eyes shut, gritting my teeth and tightening my grip on the safety bar for dear life.

And then I feel a hand on my arm and I hesitantly open one eye and glance at Levi who gives my arm a reassuring squeeze. I don’t know why but I feel my body loosen up a bit and I take a deep breath. I loosen my grip on the bar and open my eyes. The teens behind us are screaming obnoxiously, some out of jest others because of the same reasons as Eren.

“Are you alright?” Levi asks me as the ride begins to near an end. I nod once before we take a sharp turn toward the end and shake my head. I hear his low chuckle and he keeps his hold on my arm, his thumb rubbing soothing circles and I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it but it helps calm me down and I feel like a total baby. I feel my cheeks redden as I take another deep breath and the ride ends. I get off of it, Levi following in suite and I wobble a little, trying to catch my balance.

“You okay, now?” Levi asks again. I look at him and nod, then I feel a smile break out on my face and I start laughing. I laugh the most genuine laugh I have in a long time and Levi is staring at me like I’m crazy. I wipe a tear from my eye and grin goofily at him. I wonder if this is what being high feels like.

“I’m fine,” I assure him. “I just feel really, really dumb.” I giggle. Wait, no. I did not just giggle. I don’t giggle.

“Well that’s good,” Levi hums. “Your hair’s a mess though.” He reaches up and ruffles it some more and I feel my face heat up again. Then I noticed a few people watching us and I blush harder, quickly removing his hand from my hair and insisting we go somewhere else. He shrugs and follows me.

I guess… Maybe… Today wasn’t so bad… I can’t remember a time I’ve had more fun in the past several years. I actually feel… Happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I ship Marlo x HItch, opposites attract don't judge me. *rolls out*
> 
> Okay, so yeah, kinda fluffy ending there haha. But I'm not going to lie. The angst is going to jump at you again soon. Because I'm nice. So, yeah, enjoy the happy while you can. Not saying when, just letting you know so you have something to look forward to. >;3 Plus I just like torturing Eren so like yeah. =w= >D
> 
> Awww, Levi's a sweetie-pie~! <3 Harrharr ewe
> 
> So, like, yeah, look out for chapter sixteen!! :'D (if you ever wanna chat hmu on Tumblr cx thatanimegeek.tumblr.com<3<3<3 /.\\)


	16. Visiting Mina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's weekly visit to Mina takes an unexpected turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXTREMELY SHORT CHAPTER. Like, YEESH, wth even did I just write OTL 
> 
> Gawshhhh Idek please don't hate me QAQ I promise the nex chapter will be better ; - ;
> 
> Anyways, yeah, enjoy this half-angst-half-cute chapter ( ˘ ³˘)❤

It’s Saturday now. I didn’t really talk to Levi all that much over the rest of the week, and I managed to find Eld and apologize. He said there was nothing to apologize for and he should be thanking me instead. He always had me promise not to tell anyone he was crying. I had smiled and agreed.

Right now I’m on my way to Rosemary hospital as per usual. I know I don’t mention it often, but I never forget to go visit Mina. Not once in the past four years have I forgotten to pop in and talk to her. I have no clue if she could hear me or not, but I like telling her about my day and asking her how she’s doing. Sometimes I’ll leave a piece of strawberry shortcake on the little table by her bed. Usually one of the nurses will eat it and I’m fine with that because obviously Mina can’t.

Today I had some white roses because those were her favorite. The people at the front desk knew me by now so they’d nod to me and check me in as a visitor while I made my way to Mina’s room. I peeked into the room and looked at Mina’s side of the room. There was a different person in the other side of the room than there was the past 3 weeks so I guess they’ve been released. Good for them.

I walk to Mina’s bedside and sit in the chair beside it, gently touching her hand. It was cold and her breathing was soft and even. I take her hand completely into mine and squeeze. Her hand is really small compared to mine. I gently touch her face, moving a strand of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She looks… Content.

“Hey Mina,” I say. “How’ve you been? I’ve been pretty alright overall. Although sometimes I feel like things are getting worse. Although, yesterday I had the most fun I’ve had since you were around. It’s because of this guy named Levi. He’s kind of an asshole, but he’s pretty nice overall. Although I think it’d be best if I stopped talking to him. The last time I let my guard down I got you hurt… I can’t let more people get hurt, I think. I’ll just have to try extra hard to avoid him? It’ll be tough since we have classes together… But Levi is kind. He’s like a koala or something? Cause like, those things look harmless but they’re really bitchy if you piss them off. Mina, I miss you… I want to hear your laugh again… I want you to pinch my ear when I embarrass you again… I want to hold you again… I want you to just _wake up_.”

I tears welding in my eyes and one slid down. I squeezed her pale hand and placed a kiss on it.

“I love you,” he says quietly, standing up and pushing her bangs back, leaving a kiss on her forehead before leaving the room. “See you next week, Mina.”

As I walked out of the room I bumped into someone. I stumbled back, nearly falling, but they didn’t seem to move much.

“Ah, sorry,” I mumble, looking up and widening my eyes. “Levi? What are you doing here?” He was wearing the jacket I bought him and it really did suit him.

He rolls his eyes. “I’m taking a shit, Eren,” he says sarcastically. Oh, there was one. “What do you _think_ I’m here for? I’m visiting someone, just like you are.”

I hum in acknowledgment before deciding not to inquire anymore and waved behind my shoulder, starting to walk away. Before he grabs my arm and starts dragging me somewhere.

“Hey! Levi! What the hell are you doing?” I demand, trying to pry my arm free, but once again he wouldn’t budge.

“You’re so _annoying_ , quit dragging me everywhere!” I grit.

“Make me,” he replies. I growl and he just keeps pulling me.

“Hannes?” he pokes his head in. I tense and he glances at me.

“Hey, Levi,” I hear Hannes’ voice and I start to struggle again, pulling Levi out of the room before Hannes can see me and try to pull my arm free even though his grip is starting to hurt.

“Let me go,” I growl. “I didn’t even know that Hannes was in the hospital. I didn‘t come here for this!”

“He won’t stop talking about you,” Levi says. I freeze. “’I’d like to tell Eren I’m here, but I don’t think he’d have it,’ ‘I wonder how Eren is doing. Carla says she hasn’t heard much from him, either,’ ‘Have you talked to Eren at all? Is he doing well?’ Things like that.”

I stare at Levi. I take a deep breath and look Levi dead in the eye.

“I’m not staying, Levi,” I say seriously. “I came here for one person. It’s probably not a good idea to keep seeing her but I can’t help myself. Hannes… He’s really nice. I know that. I know he cares about me, and I love Hannes to death. Give him my regards but I’m leaving now.”

And with that, I jerk my arm out of his grasp and leave, nails digging into my palms almost hard enough to break skin. I start walking away and then I stop. Maybe… Seeing Hannes for just a minute would be alright… Just wish him well… Make him feel like he didn’t do anything wrong. Just for a moment. Give him the feeling that I’m his nephew and not a stranger.

Let him know I care…

I feel a stream of liquid go down my hand and look to see I’m bleeding. I sigh and examine my hand, licking off the line of blood and sucking on the wound as I look for a tissue.

Then I realize I don’t think I heard Levi fully enter the room. I glance behind me to find he’s still staring at me and I flush.

“W-what are you staring at…?” I stutter out.

“A rollercoaster of emotions,” he says, making the “ _[imagination](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NaSd2d5rwPE/hqdefault.jpg)_ ” motion with his hands.

“Y-y-y-you—!” he cuts me off by motioning to the room with his head and walking in. I sigh. I can still leave if I turn now…

* * *

 

“Eren?” Hannes asks with disbelief, eyes wide. I rub the back of my neck, not even trying to hide my red cheeks. I look him over. His leg is broken and being elevated by one of those… Those, uh… It’s being elevated.

I quickly walk over to him and I kind of stand there awkwardly while he stares at me. Then I bend down and give him a hug, a tight squeeze. I know he looks surprised, the type of surprised he got when my parents would throw him a surprise party for his birthday, or the time I crawled into his bed the night he babysat for me because I had a nightmare (he caught the flu the next morning). The happy surprised face. I imagined what he looked like before I felt his arms wrap around me tightly, gripping my sweater.

“Get well, soon Uncle Hannes,” I mumble by his ear. I hear him sniffle and I know he’s crying.

 _He always was one to get emotional_ , I think, wiping a tear from my eye.

“I will,” he laughs. “This old man is made of tougher stuff than this.”

“Yeah, I know,” I smile, looking at his face before he ruffles my hair and I wave behind my shoulder and walk out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tooooold you it was short *hides behind trashcan and hisses*
> 
> *clears throat* Anyways... Yeah, I proooomise the next chapter will be better (´Д｀。)ﾉ･ﾟﾟ･｡
> 
> Anyways, yeah, I hope you enjoyed thta. I'm sorry, I just reallyyyy wanted to do at least a chapter of his him visiting Mina ; 0 ;
> 
> So, yeah, I hope you liked it?? Ehehe ^u^;;;;
> 
> PS - Ever since watching AoT abridged I always hear Hannes talking with a Scottish accent (and usually slurred hurrhurrhurr)
> 
> PPS - I got lazy and didn't proofread, haha//shot
> 
> Look out for chapter seventeen!! ^0^


	17. Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's talks with Hannes after Eren leaves.
> 
> Levi goes on the bus with Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i aM SO SO SO SORRY ABOUT NOT UPDATING FOR SUCH A LONG TIME!!!! I GOT REALLY AWFUL WRITER'S BLOCK AND THIS CHAPTER ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT GREAT SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME m(_ _)m 
> 
> Levi POV in the first half /:);;;
> 
> Anyways, be prepared for some angst~! <3
> 
> I hope you enjoy this and I will try extremely hard to update on time this time!! ;A;

**Levi POV:**

When I invited Eren to hang out with us I did it because Hannes told me to try and be his friend. Usually I would leave that up Erwin and Hanji, they seem to have given up the moment Eren seemed unsociable (which is fucking stupid since Hannes told us he never had friends). Hannes helped me a lot throughout college, the least I could do is befriend his shitty nephew.

… Is what I thought. I always found Eren annoying because he was so painfully fake and everyone bought his “mysterious prince” act. But when we went to the mall, the moment he started getting comfortable he was awkward and cheery (well, maybe not cheery) and sweet. He’s a strange guy, indeed. But he’s interesting.

When I ran into him at the hospital I was surprised. At first I thought he was the one hurt, but when I realized he was the same I was relieved. I did wonder who he was seeing though.

When Eren left the hospital room Hannes was wiping his eyes.

“So, even when he was young he wasn’t that into family and such, huh?” I say after a moment. I knew if Hannes didn’t want to talk about it he wouldn’t, but if he does I’m all ears. Hannes breathes a chuckle.

“That’s right,” Hannes nods. “In first grade he was always with his friends and he loved spending time with me and his parents. Then in second grade… I don’t really know what happened. He spent all his times in his room and he didn’t come to greet me anymore. He stopped seeing his friends and always looked sad. I tried asking Carla and Grisha about it, but they just said he’s going through some things, so I assumed it’d only last for a little while. Boy, was I wrong… Third grade he still had that lonely look on his face. Fourth grade he just seemed expressionless. Fifth grade he started playing basketball as a hobby. He looked happy having something to occupy him but other than that he still looked expressionless. Sixth grade he finally joined the basketball team, but he still didn’t make any friends. According to Carla and Grisha the other kids thought he was a weird loner since he never talked, so they didn’t bother trying to make friends with him and opted for ignoring him instead.

“Seventh grade he started smiling more. His parents and I… We knew they weren’t real smiles. They were smiles he used to get people off his back. He wanted us not to worry as much but it only got us worried more. Eight grade he was a ladies’ man, although he turned down every confession he got. It seems the girls were attracted to his ‘mysterious aura’ and ‘princely smile’ or something like that. Freshman year he was a pro at fake smiles. He had people always wanting to talk to him, especially after he joined the basketball team again. It seemed for it to get harder to ignore people and I hoped that maybe this would be the year he’d make some friends. And, well, I wasn’t too far off. The guy actually got a girlfriend. Her name was Mina Carolina. She seemed to have won him over somehow and I was so happy for him. For once he looked genuinely happy. He looked so happy and then I… Ruined it…”

I raised an eyebrow but said nothing as I waited to see if he would continue or not. He took a deep breath before looking at me again.

“I was driving. I was in my car. I was driving to the University for a meeting before losing control of the steering wheel. I-I really have no clue what happened. It was like my car moved on its own… It all happened so fast… It’s a miracle I came out unscathed, although my car got totaled. And so did his girlfriend…” my eyes widen at this. “I nearly killed the poor girl! The look of pure anguish on Eren’s face… I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. He looked horrified and angry and I was panicking. I called the ambulance and she ended up in a coma. I know that Eren didn’t come here for me. He was visiting her, I’m sure of it. Eren never really… Let go of her. He’s still waiting for her to wake up, still. The doctor’s said that the estimated time for her awakening will be in about ten years.”

Well… This was a lot more information than I bargained for. I stayed silent for a moment.

“Ah, sorry for dumping all of that on you,” Hannes apologizes quickly. I shake my head.

“No, its fine,” I assure him. “I’m glad you told me.”

“Have you spoken to Eren at all?” Hannes asks me. “I mean…”

“Yeah,” I nod. “Hanji and Erwin aren’t doing shit but I got him to hang out with me and my friends for a while. He seemed to really enjoy himself.”

“I see…” Hannes mumbles with a smile. “That’s good. I’ll have to call Carla.” I feel a smile tug at the corner of my lips and cough, covering my mouth to hide it. “Geez, I can’t wait to get out of here. I need some booze.” I snort at this still hiding my smile and he laughs with me.

* * *

 

As I walked to the bus I was in deep thought. Something has been bugging me since Eren came to tell Gunter that Eld was in the hospital. No, it was at the mall. Nothing… Happened. To anyone. Nothing bad happened to me, and nothing particularly good happened to anyone around me. The smallest thing that’s ever happened to me is some kid puking on my new shoes (to which I nearly kicked him if Erwin didn’t drag me away), but not even something like that happened. I’m really confused and sure, I’m glad nothing happened but I don’t like when I can’t wrap my head around something.

As I approached the bus I saw a familiar head of shaggy brown hair and I squinted. Then I saw his eyes and knew it was Eren.

I came up behind him and bend my knee, bumping the back of his and making him nearly fall. He let out a not-so-manly squeak in surprise as he regained his balance. He turned angrily to yell at the culprit, but seeing it was me he gave a huff of annoyance and rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath.

“Hey brat,” I greeted verbally.

“I’m not a fuckin’ brat!” he says defensively.

“Anyone as immature as you is a brat in my eyes.”

“I’m not immature!” he says, puffing his cheeks and pouting unintentionally.

“You’re pouting.”

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“Am. Not.”

“Are too.”

“I am _not_ pouting!” he says exasperatedly.

“You are so pouting,” I say, poking his bottom lip. He blushes and harrumphs, crossing his arms and turning his head. Just like a kid.

“Anyways, quit buggin’. Since when did we become friends?”

“Since yesterday?”

“How does that make us friends?” he demands, not caring the other two people at the bus stop were starting to glance up at him.

“We spent an entire day hanging out with my friends.”

“ _Your_ friends,” he emphasizes.

“ _Our_ friends,” I correct us both. He glares and takes out his headphones, plugging them in and ignoring me.

* * *

 

**Eren POV:**

Levi is annoying. He embarrasses me and makes me angry and makes me do things that I haven’t thought of doing since I was in elementary school… I can’t say hanging out with people isn’t nice, but I can’t do it. I can’t repeat the mistake of getting close to someone again. Not after Mina… And Jean was hurt a lot too. I know I haven’t really talked about what went on in our relationship besides making out and breaking up but… Maybe I’ll save it for another time. I still don’t feel like thinking about it.

When the bus finally arrived I got on, paid and went to the back. I hated taking the bus because there were so many people and so many things could go wrong Luckily today there were only about 5 people already boarded, and plus Levi, myself and the other two people that makes nine. It’s not too bad today…

Then Levi sits next to me.

“What are you doing?” I ask, popping out an earphone.

“Sitting,” he replies monotonously. I grimace. Another annoying thing about Levi is his sarcastic view on everything. Can’t he tell I want to be left alone? Before I could put the headphone back into m ear Levi takes it and puts it into his own ear.

“Hey—” I got to protest before I noticed his expression change.

“You listen to Slipknot?” he asks.

“Wait, _you_ listen to Slipknot?”

“How else would I know who this was?”

“I don’t know! I just didn’t expect you to like this sort of music…”

“What music _did_ you expect me to like?”

“Well I mean it’s not like I’ve been thinking about it,” I huff, blushing. Why am I even freaking out? So we have something in common, big fuckin’ whoop. I mean, sure, even without talking to people I can tell they probably have never even heard of Corey Taylor. Which is a shame.

“I always thought you’d be the R&B type,” Levi says thoughtfully.

“You mean like Bruno Mars and stuff? No thanks,” I say with a grimace. Bruno Mars wasn’t bad, but definitely not my style. Levi chuckles.

“How did Hannes break his leg, anyways?” I ask curiously. Levi shrugs.

“It was when he was drunk so he doesn’t really know what happened, but when he woke up he was in the hospital,” he explains. I hum. “He called your parents and then Levi, Hanji and Erwin.”

I tense. He called my parents? Why didn’t they tell me? No, wait, they had no reason to… They knew I probably wouldn’t go see him. Gosh I’m _such_ a _dick_.

“I-is that so? It’s good he got them informed,” I stutter, shifting my gaze out the window. Levi said nothing but continued to share my music. I was tempted to pull back my headphone but for some reason I didn’t. Levi pissed me off but for some odd, unknown reason I felt extremely calm with him most of the time. Nothing more or less just… Calm. A serene feeling that subsides the usual feeling of unease I have.

“So they really didn’t tell you?” Levi hums. “I mean, Hannes said that he told them not to, but he talked about wanting you to come so much that I just assumed—”

“Wait, _what_?” I stop him. “He _told_ them not to?”

“He said he didn’t want to trouble you with something so unimportant,” he shrugs.

“That’s… That’s not unimportant at all!” I grit out, clenching my fists and looking in my lap. He shrugs.

“Changing the subject…” Levi starts. I look at him. “This is sort of random, but are you and Jean dating?”

My eyes widen. “Um, no,” I say. “We went out for less than a year back in high school.” Levi nods slowly. “Why?”

“Because I was talking to him that day you had me take him to the infirmary,” he says nonchalantly. I shift.

“O-oh…?” I stutter out. “What did… What did he say?”

“He said that you’re still into your ex-girlfriend,” Levi says. I stiffen.

“Well it’s none of your business,” I say quietly. “Please stop trying to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. And I hope you know this doesn’t make us friends. Nothing that has happened the past two days makes us friends.”

“Then what are we?” he asks, almost like a challenge. I look him straight in the eyes.

“We’re two people who went out together. Nothing more, nothing less. You don’t know anything about me,” I say coldly.

“I know you care a lot more than you let on.” I glare at him.

“And what exactly do I care about?”

“Your family, your team, the people around you…” he says. “I don’t know why you insist on being by yourself.” I scoff.

“Someone like you would never understand what I go through,” I snap. “You can do whatever you want! I have something I need to protect. You have no clue how hard my life has been…” Levi stare suddenly turned hard.

“I think you’re the one who doesn’t understand,” he says, voice like ice and I nearly shudder. “You say I don’t know a thing about you, but it’s the same right? You don’t know a damned thing about me. You have no right to talk like that, you fucking rich boy.” I clench my fists.

“Just because I have money doesn’t mean I’m rich,” I grit out.

“Right, because _normal_ teenaged boys usually have 100 dollar bills just lying around, huh?” he snorts bemusedly. 

“You sayin’ I’m not normal?!” I growl.

“I’m saying you need to stop acting like you get how everyone feels when you have things like this,” he growls back. “You could be as popular as you want! You can have whatever you want! Yet you’re wasting every good opportunity you have by not doing anything about it!”

“ _Do you think I don’t KNOW that_?!” I yell at him, eyes wide and brimming with tears of frustration. All eyes were on us now. I was panting. I’d forgotten where we were. The bus pulled to a stop and I grabbed my bag.

“Oi! We’re not even near the university yet!” Levi calls as I storm to the front of the bus.

“Who gives a shit? I can walk no problem!” I snarl rudely before hopping off the bus and watch it ride away, glaring at Levi who glares right back through the glass.

Being by him was a pain. Nothing good will come out of being near that bastard. I need to avoid him at all costs… If I avoid him then everything will go back to normal…

Change is bad. Familiarity is good. Loneliness is good. Relationships cause stress. Being alone means you don’t need to worry about other people. It’s fine like this. Everything will be back to normal by tomorrow.

Everything will be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SUCK AT ENDINGS AHHHHHHHH//shot
> 
> But like, yeah, there's some non-development in their relationship for you -w-);;;
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be better xooo
> 
> But yeah... That happened. Love me. *hisses and rolls into street*
> 
> Chat with me on Tumblr?? :))) thatanimegeek.tumblr.com ^-^)/ 
> 
> Look out for chapter eighteen!! :'DDD


	18. ** Not a Chapter **

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read below~ v

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Below again! vvv

Hello lovelies! I'm sure you're not happy that thi isn't n actual chapter, and for that I apologize deeply! m(_ _)m School's been out for a couple weeks now so I thought I'd be on a roll for making you guys wait this long, but I am at the biggest wall right now! It's very upsetting to me because I really want to continue! This is my favorite fic I'm working on and I'm getting so much positive feedback for it! You guys have stuck with me this long and I am very grateful! I wish I could give you a new chapter this very moment but as of right now I only have about 1/3 of it written and it's pretty crappy :/ I hate getting writer's block because I hate making you wait and I'm sooo extremely sorry this is happening!

 

I try to take any and all ideas into play so if you have any advice or suggestions I would be sooo appreciative!!!! I get so happy every time I see how into the story you guys are<3 I want to keep producing stuff you'll like. I know the general direction I want to go in but I just can't seem to think up any material right now /:( I hope you can forgive me and be patient with me for a little while longer! I'm doing my best, I promise! Thank you very much and have a good day/night!<3<3<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so super sorry! I've been pretty busy lately and when I do get a chance to write it's wall after wall after wall! I really hope you'll stick with me on this!!!! <3 I promise to update as SOON as possible, but I don't think it's fair if I don't give a proper explanation. 
> 
> Also, I was rereading some chapters to try and see if that'd somehow help, and I noticed sooo many mistakes a /lot/ of repetition! Sorry about that too! I'll work on that!!!!


	19. Don't Overthink It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has a panic attack after talking with Armin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There will be (minor) CUTTING in this chapter. It was something I felt the need to add so I apologize if you're uncomfortable with that. It's not detailed at all, though. Hardly a paragraph. 
> 
> Anyways, hello! It's been SO long since I last updated and for that I deeply apologize! :( I mean, it's already my third week of school! QAQ I hope I'll never update this late again. I'm going to _try_ and get back to my weekly updates, so hopefully that'll happen, soon. ^-^)/
> 
> Levi IS in this chapter, though what happens between them... I don't think you can call it development, but you can decide that for yourselves, lol. Thank you for reading and sticking with me for this long! <3 You guys are TRULY amazing :'D
> 
> PS - Okay, so there is a portion of this in Levi's POV, even though I didn't _want_ to add it. It was sort of hard for me to put it in Eren's POV, though, so I hope you'll enjoy it! m(_ _)m The chapter came out much differently than planned, but... I mean, it's too late to change it, now. -w-);
> 
> PPS - The chapter title is quite irrelevant, but I don't like not having a chapter title so you can interpret it how you will :3 ;P

Avoiding Levi’s friends proved to be easier said than done. After that experience at the mall they’d randomly appear. They started noticing me in the halls more and saying hi, Erd would randomly thank me even though I basically did absolutely _nothing_. Once they even plopped down next to me while I was eating lunch! Whereas I usually sit by myself, brushing off a few curious girls. Apparently, this was an attention catcher. I found this out in art class the week after they continuously sat with me, ignoring my constant protests.

“So,” Ymir begins, leaning in close, “why are you suddenly chummy with some of the most well-known people in school?”

“Excuse me?” I respond, raising an eyebrow.

“You know, Levi and his friends,” she states like it’s obvious. I stare at her for a moment.

“Oh, you mean Gunter and the rest,” I say.

“ _Duh_ ,” she huffs before grinning. “So what’s Prince Loner doing hanging out with a popular group like that?”

“It’s not like I _asked_ them to let me 'hang out' with them,” I say sort of huffily. “I’ve tried to get them to leave me alone several times already. It’s Levi’s fault I’m even talking to them.”

“Ackerman?” she asks with disbelief, an obvious laugh bubbling up in her throat. “ _That guy_ opened his party up to you? _The_ Levi Ackerman?”

“’The’?” I repeat, confused. She raises an eyebrow.

“You’ve seriously never heard any of the rumors about Levi?”

“Uh, no?”

“Do you _listen_ to the people around you? He’s like, one of the main topics of talk.”

“If you haven’t noticed, I don’t really talk to people, let alone listen to their petty conversations. I came here to get learn, not to gossip about useless things.”

"Well aren't you uptight." 

I give her a forced laugh. "Maybe I am."

“Ymir, Jaeger, quit your flirting and get back to your painting!”

“I only flirt with Krista!” Ymir says defensively. I roll my eyes and go back to painting. I glance up a few moment later to find Levi staring at me.

“What do you want?” I ask, annoyed.

“Nothing,” he says with a shrug, turning back to his painting. I roll my eyes before going back to my own canvas.

* * *

 

As I lay in my bed after I’m done with all my classes, I think about how pissed I still am at Levi. He had no right to pry into _my_ private life. I don’t care if he is Hannes’ friend, he’s not mine. Sure he showed me a good time, but things like that just don’t last. If I isolate myself things will go back to normal. Always causing a little damage here and there, but overall nobody gets hurt. Nobody notices me, which means less casualty. Don’t help people and don’t talk to people. Just… be there. Exist without a purpose.

Still, I’m sort of mad at Jean, too, for telling Levi about my life. Things I told him because I trusted he’d keep it to himself. Like about Mina… I mean, everyone at school knew that Mina and I were dating. When she went into a coma everyone knew why I was even more unsociable than usual. When I started dating Jean I vaguely explained again what happened, only telling him what he already knew. I told him I don’t like talking about it and asked if he could refrain from telling anyone else about it. He said he would and yet… Levi knew. Jean told Levi and I have no idea why.

I don’t understand Jean. I don’t understand why he never let go after this long. Especially with someone like Marco around. Marco who probably makes his feelings for Jean painfully obvious. Jean’s a jerk. He’s dense and persistent and doesn’t know when to _let up_. I don’t want to go to class and see him. Or anyone who might associate with me. _Especially_ Levi.

* * *

 

It’s been a week. I started to completely ignore Jean. No matter what he wanted, I said nothing to him. I asked Professor Berner for a seat change, telling him I couldn’t focus in the back. I switched with some girl named Annie who sat in the front, closest to the door. The moment class ends I can leave right away now. I asked for a seat change in Verman’s class, too. Once again, I’m right by the door. I already didn’t sit by Levi in Professor Ian’s class- though, it didn’t much matter since we were standing most of the time anyways.

Now that I’ve cut all ties with them I’ve been completed isolated. I haven’t given them the chance to talk to me. When I wake up in the middle of the night I just stay in bed instead of sneaking out, now, in case I see Levi. If Levi and I get paired up in art or photography I make sure to ignore anything not related to our project, and the moment we’re done I grab my stuff and leave. When Levi’s friends approached me I walked past them or ignored me. If they tried sitting with me, well… anywhere, I grabbed whatever I was doing and left. At some point they finally gave up and left me alone. Jean hasn’t approached me and I haven’t heard from Armin and Marco.

Good. This is good. It’s not just because I’ve been getting pissed lately… They’re just such… good people. Good people who don’t deserve to get hurt. If my continuing to be alone is the price for them to be safe then it’s not such a bad cost. They’ll all be safe and that’s what matters, right?

I sort of wish I never went to college. Going was selfish of me, wasn’t it? Coming here knowing people could get hurt just because I wanted to expand on my own interests… And all it’s doing is taking away from my parents financially. It was dumb of me to come here. I thought that if I just stayed away from people I might be able to learn and maybe even have a little fun- but I guess that was a pretty self-centered thing to do, huh…?

* * *

* * *

 

Another week went by without any event between me and the others, although it’s weird… lately, a lot of bad things have been happening to other people. Worse than usual, and to people I’ve never even met! It’s like the worse my mood is the worse luck I bring… Although I know that's true. If that were true then the thing with Mina would have caused a lot more problems than it did… So why now?

I felt my hands shake a bit and frown, grabbing my left wrist with my hand, trying to steady them. Thinking about this shit is making me shaky and annoyed. I sigh. I can’t think about it. I can’t. So I force all unnecessary thoughts from my head and grabbed my things, heading for my class.

-By the time I was heading to my photography class I had more or less cleared my head.

It went by without really anything happening. Except for the fact that we now have a project due the first class of next week. With a partner. And who did _I_ fucking get? You guessed it! Levi-Mother _fucking_ -Ackerman! It was a lottery, too. Pick a name out of the hat. Maybe for once I’m actually getting bad luck…

Anyhow, the project was to take pictures in different scenes. Modern day scenery. Restaurants, parks- wherever. So I have to spend a shitload of time with him. This is so not fair.

So Levi and I decided to meet at my dorm. Or more like, Levi said “we’re meeting at your dorm later,” and then walked away before I could protest. I don’t know why he wanted to get started on the project right after class, but the quicker we get this over with the better. For both of us.

As I walk back to my dorm, I start thinking about earlier. Everything lately has been so fucked up. I’ve been the most isolated I’ve been in a long time, and yet still for some reason, people are getting worse luck than ever.

I’m so lost in thought that I don’t notice Armin in front of me, and end up walking right into him, causing the blonde to lose his balance and nearly fall, if I didn’t instinctively catch him by his arm.

“Eren?” he stares. I instinctively let go and drop him and he falls with a grunt. “Gee, thanks.”

“Ah—s-sorry,” I mumble, scratching the back of my head. “You okay?” He stands up and nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “But I’m glad I ran into you! Marco is having a party this weekend and we were wondering if—“

“Sorry Armin, I’ve got plans,” I cut him off, turning on my heel to leave, but he grabs my sleeve.

“Eren, wait, _please_ ,” Armin says pleadingly, tightening his grip on my sleeve.

“No,” I say, yanking my arm away. “Look, Armin, you’re a nice guy. So stop wasting your _fucking_ time trying to be my friend.”

“ _’Trying’_?” he repeats, like it hurt him I didn’t seem to already consider us friends. “Eren, I don’t get it! If we got along so well in the past, why can’t we just try to have that again?”

“Why are you so _persistent_?” I huff irritably.  “You really haven’t changed at all.”

“What do you mean…?” he asks, obviously not liking the sound of that.

“You’re just so…” I pause, waving my finger as I search for the right word. “Clingy.”

“C-clingy?” he repeats with disbelief. “I’ve never been—!”

“You stuck to Marco and I like glue back in the first grade,” I say. “Which made no sense to me because you actually _had_ other friends.”

“You guys were more fun than them,” he says softly, looking away. I stick my hand in my jean pocket nonchalantly and dig my nails into my thigh.

“Yeah, well, that was twelve years ago. Let it go,” I mutter. “You have Marco and Jean and… what’s her name? Mikasa? Yeah. And Mikasa. We’re not friends. And we’re not _going_ to be friends. Got it?”

The pained look on his face made me dig my nails even harder into my skin.

“Do you hate us that much…?” Armin asks quietly, voice quivering. I freeze. Hate? Fuck no! I don’t hate them! I love them. I care so, so, _so_ much about them. But if they are around me, then they can get hurt. I know I’m causing them emotional pain, but if I get as close as I want, they could end up in Mina’s position! Or worse…

I force out a smile, removing any and all emotion from my eyes.

“Yeah,” I say. His eyes widen. “You guys are all a real pain. Jean, too. If you guys don’t mind, could you just leave me the fuck alone? It’d be much appreciated.”

“Eren…” Armin says, his eyes were glossy, as if he were about to cry. I pretend not to notice but my heart is aching. “You don’t really mean that, do you?”

“Look, Armin, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, okay? So listen closely. We were friends in the first. Grade. That was twelve fucking years ago. Let it _go_.”

“You were like a brother to me. And Marco,” Armin starts, trying to steady his voice. “Then you disappeared without saying a word! You left when I needed you most. My mother had just died not too long before and you just… left. No goodbye. No reasoning. No way to contact you. I don’t understand why—”

“You don’t _need_ to understand,” I say, unintentionally raising my voice. A few people passing by look our way but say nothing, continuing on their way. “Look, Armin—I left with my family and moved to a different area. We had our reasons, and those reasons are none of your business.  Have fun at your fuckin’ party. I’m going to my dorm.” And then I turn my back to him and leave before he can react.

My hands are shaking and my breath becomes labored. I get to my dorm as quickly as I can, relieved that Connie was out. To where I have no clue, and frankly, I don’t care. I shut the door and walk to my bed, collapsing on it. I can feel tears streaming down my face and I tangle my fingers into my hair, digging my fingers into my scalp. I’m curled in a feeble position. I look pathetic, I know I do, but the look that Armin gave me… His eyes wide and hurt, the shakiness of his voice… It’s just too much. I told him I hated him. I can’t believe I said that…

All I want to do is protect him and yet I can’t stop hurting him…! I’ve given him false hope and then crushed the kindness he tried to give me. I don’t deserve it! I don’t deserve his affection. Not his, not Marco’s, not Jean’s—not anyone’s! All I want is for the people around me, whether I know them or not, to be _happy_.

I reached under my pillow, taking out a pencil sharpener. I’d already loosened the blade beforehand so getting it off was easy. I tossed the plastic piece aside and shakily brought the blade to my wrist, hissing softly as it cut into my skin, blood trickling out. And I proceeded to do this again and again, letting the blood stain my white sheets.

When I think about it, my life at home is probably better than most. I have money, a car, a huge house, parents who I _know_ love me—and I _hate_ it! I deserve so much worse than this. I would do anything to take all the bad luck! _I_ deserve the suffering not them! Fuck, I can’t breathe. Everything seems to be spinning. My head is pounding as it’s flooded with everything I hate about myself, and everything I wish I could forget!

My heart was beating out of my chest and everything suddenly seemed hotter as I felt perspiration building up, beads up sweat rolling down my face and onto my neck and down. I was shaking and everything felt unreal, like I was in a dream. Or more like a nightmare, just so… far away from where I actually am. I felt like I was choking and I knew I was having a panic attack. Shit, this feels fucking awful. I feel like I could literally die…! I feel scared because I haven’t had a panic attack since that day in high school when Thomas was asking me about college. I haven’t been taking the medication my dad assigned to me, either. Fuck, my head is spinning… I felt like I'm gonna fall even though I was laying down already and all I can think of is everything bad I’ve ever caused. Everyone’s happiness that could have been preserved if it weren’t for me! If I wasn't here... If my mom had a normal son... If I remember correctly there was even that family that had moved in next door for a while but had to move out because I lived next door!

I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m closed in somewhere small. All I know is that I can’t stop shaking, the aching feeling in my chest.

I thought I heard faint knocking on the door but I can't tell. I cover my ears and squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to steady my breathing but I just can't calm down. I could have sworn I heard my name but there was a ringing in my ear. It was loud, blocking everything else out. I squeez my eyes shut tighter before I think I can feel someone's hand touch me.

* * *

 

**Levi POV:**

I was making my way to Eren’s dorm. I had forced him to tell me where it was because like hell we were going to my room. He was obviously very reluctant to talk to me again, and I knew that he was going to try to avoid any and all small talk, although I don't even think I'll make an effort this time. I can understand him being mad at me, but honestly, moving seats just to avoid talking? Still, there had to be something besides myself that angered Eren so badly… What that was I didn’t know, and I don’t think I care _to_ know.

I adjusted my camera bag on my shoulder. Photography was important to me, even more so than art. In the moment you capture something, everything is real. There’s no editing, or Photoshop, it’s just what was there in that moment. No lies. And that’s precious to me.

As I walk toward the steps of the dormitories, I see a blonde guy sitting on the stairs. He looked like he was crying, hunched over and shoulders shaking. Next to him was some freckled boy patting his back, though he looked about ready to cry himself, despite the smile on his face. And then I noticed Jean, who just looked overall dejected.

Deciding it wasn’t my business, and that I didn’t care, I was going to just leave it as is. Until Jean calls out to me.

“Levi?” he calls, as if he was unsure of who I am. I look at him, glaring irritably.

“What?” I demand, crossing my arms. He motions me over and I don’t move at first, but sigh and reluctantly walk over.

“Are you going to Eren’s dorm?” he asks, not bothering to ease into it. I notice the blonde and the freckled one tense up. I raise an eyebrow at Jean.

“What of it?” I ask monotonously.

“Why?” he asks.

“I have a project to work on with him,” I say, crossing my arms. “Why do you care?”

“That’s none of your business,” he mutters.

“Yeah, and I’m also pretty sure Mina was none of my business, too,” I hum thoughtfully and he stiffens. “But you didn’t have a problem telling me _that_.” He glared at me.

“So I’m guessing these two are the ‘friends,’ you mentioned, then?” I ask, motioning to the two. I don't care to even try remembering their names. The blonde one stood up, and then the freckled one followed. The blonde stuck his hand out and gave me an obvious forced smile, eyes red from crying.

“My name is Armin Arlert,” he says as I shake his hand once before retracting, then doing the same to Freckles. “This is Marco Bodt.”

“Levi,” I say, taking out a wipe and cleaning my hands. Armin’s smile faltered when he saw what I did, but shook it off.

“Are you Eren’s friend?” Armin asks, sounding both curious and worried.

“I’m just someone in his class,” I say. “The guy doesn't _have_ any friends. If anything, he's doing all he can to separate himself from everyone else.”

“Do you know why?” Armin asks hopefully.

“No, and I don’t care to, either. Why don’t you just ask him yourself?”

“Eren stopped wanting to talk to us a long time ago,” Armin says, voice going soft. He had a sad looking smile on his face. I said nothing but turned around.

“I need to go now,” I say. “I’d rather get this project done sooner than later. Working on it today and tomorrow is better than spending an entire weekend with him.” And with that I took my leave, using the stairs rather than the elevator because I didn’t feel like I needed to rush. It’s not like Eren was anticipating my visit anyways. He was probably sitting there dreading having to work with me. He'd probably be like this about working with _anyone_ , actually.

Still, I was more curious about him than ever. Eren pisses me off because he’s so fake. Everyone can tell he doesn’t want to be bothered, but when he’s approached he still puts on that smile that everyone falls for. "Oh he's so mysterious!" "Oh he seems so nice! If only he'd make an effort to talk to us!" It's such bullshit.

But whatever. Right now I should just focus on what we’re going to do for the project. A few minutes later, I found Eren’s dorm room and knocked. When he didn’t respond I tried again. When he _still_ didn’t answer I tried the doorknob. It was unlocked so I pushed open the door and nearly dropped my camera bag.

Eren was curled up on his bed, covering his ears. His breathing was labored and he was shaking hard, his wrist was bleeding. I put my camera bag down quickly and I hurried over to Eren.

“Oi, Eren!” I call. He didn’t respond, he just shuts his eyes tighter. “Eren!” I try again, touching his shoulder. He flinches. I don’t even know if he can hear me. I take a deep breath and crawl onto the small bed, sitting down next to him. Eren seemed to be having a pretty bad panic attack. I know more or less how to deal with it because Petra takes psychology and I’m the only one who will listen to her ramble about it.

“Eren, do you hear me talking?” I ask. Eren doesn't say anything. I make my voice more firm and try again. "Eren, listen to my voice. Do you hear me?" He then nods slowly, his breathing doesn't seem like it'll calm down anytime soon. “Do you have any medication that you usually take?” After a moment he shakes his head, sniffling. Then I remember his arms and I realize the blood is still coming out. I decide it's probably best to just take care of it rather than to ask him about it.

“Do you have any bandages?” I ask him. He slowly opens his eyes, tears still streaming down his face.

“Un… under the bed,” he says quietly, voice quivering. I move off the bed and reach under, groping around for a first aid kit. Once I had it in hand, I open it and pull out the bandages. Then sit back down and tell him to hold his arm out. He didn’t move.

“Eren,” I say, trying to sound gentle, “give me your arm.”

He slowly extends his arm out, though it was almost as if he did it subconsciously, and I wrap it tight enough to try and stop the bleeding. He still can’t seem to calm his breathing, though.

“Eren, I want you to breathe with me,” I say slowly. “Okay?”

I begin breathing slowly, in and out. Eren’s breathing didn't change, though. I put my hand on his back, trying to make it as not awkward as possible, and started again. In, and out… Eren gradually began to slow his breathing down. “You’re doing great, Eren,” I say. “You can do this. Is there anything you need?”

“Water…” Eren says, voice sounding a little hoarse. I look across the room to see a mini-fridge. I get up and walk over, pulling out a miniature sized water bottle before walking back over to him. I opened it a crack and handed it to him. He unscrewed the cap and brought it to his lips with a shaky hand. He drank half before setting it down. He seemed to have calmed down substantially.

“Are you okay, now?” I ask. He looks at me and nods once. “Can you speak in sentences?” He opens his mouth to respond before shutting it. He nods but says nothing. “Can you tell me what happened?” He shakes his head again and cocoons himself inside of his blanket. I roll my eyes.

“Look, kid, if you’re sure you’re going to be alright then we’ll just do this tomorrow,” I say. I’d done my part so I had no reason to stay.

“Are you okay?” he asks me suddenly. I stare at him.

“I really don’t think you should be worrying about me after you've just had a panic attack,” I say, raising an eyebrow. He shakes his head.

“Are you?” he repeats. “Nothing… happened?”

“What? No,” I say, confused. “Why?” He says nothing.

“No reason,” he says. “You can go now.”

“You should really get some medication if that’s a regular thing,” I say, picking up my camera bag.

“I stopped taking it.”

“That was dumb.”

“Whatever,” he mutters. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey Levi?”

“What?”

“This doesn’t make us friends.”

“A ‘thank you,’ would be nice, brat,” I huff. He doesn’t respond and I roll my eyes, leaving him to himself. He looked like he had fallen asleep already, anyways. It should be fine. Geez, just how badly does he want to get across that he doesn’t want to be friends? I don’t care. I was only doing the sensible thing and helping him out. He can be so annoying...

I sigh tiredly and head to my own dorm. Once inside I see Mike is out, probably on a date with his girlfriend, Nanaba. I plop on my bed, laying on my stomach and look through my phone, scrolling through useless notifications. I roll onto my side, bored. I think about Eren. The guy is really an ungrateful little shit. And confusing.

 _Are you okay_? Of course I was okay. Why wouldn’t I have been? I go through the events of what happened again, thinking about it thoroughly. Come to think of it, throughout the entire time nothing happened to me. Which is weird because lately my luck has been worse than usual. The amount of times I’ve almost been run over just in the past week is ridiculous.

And then yesterday after lunch I was walking with Petra and Oluo. We were walking past the supply closet when the door suddenly opened and a bunch of shit fell out and toppled over me. A bottle of Windex opened and spilled out all over my shirt and the front of my pants. Some of it got in my eyes, too, which was pretty painful. Oluo spent nearly five fucking minutes googling how to get it out.

Then earlier this morning when I first woke up I stepped out of bed and onto a nail. So, naturally, I was heading to the bathroom to clean it up when I tripped on this little fucking potted plant just sitting in the middle of the hallway. I fell flat on my face and looked like a complete idiot, but it didn’t seem like anyone was around until this blonde girl who looked like she should still be in middle school came out and picked it up, laughing a little.

“Are you okay?” she asked. I stood up, glaring at her and she shrank back a bit, but she still seemed to be holding back laughter. “I don't know why this is here. I could have sworn I had been holding it.”

“Why the hell are you even in the boys’ dormitory?” I had demanded.

“I’m visiting a friend,” she said like it was nothing. I just glared once more before going to the showers. The cut on my foot was still aching slightly, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. Once in the showers, I rolled up my pant legs and turned the warm water on.

Only to get hit in the face with a blast of boiling hot water. I cursed loudly and stepped out of the shower as quickly as I could. And then of course, my shirt was dripping wet, too. I groaned and threw it off before trying to carefully maneuver around the water. I turned the shower off and sighed. My face had still been burning as I decided to just use the sink.

I turned the water on and used cold water to cool my face before using warm water to wash my cut, then my I made my way back to my room, almost dripping wet and shirtless, which of course got me a few "what the hell?" stares from passing guys, but I didn’t give a shit.

Needless to say, last week and this week have been way shittier than usual, no matter how small the thing I was doing was, yet when I was helping Eren—nothing. I didn’t even notice.

I know practically nothing about Eren except for what Jean and Hannes have told me. I stop in front of my dorm before turning around and jogging to the stairs.

As I’d hoped, Jean and the other two were still there, sulking. As I’m about to step down, something hard comes and hits me in the back of my head. I lose my balance and topple down the stairs. I curse and hold my head. The fucker who threw it came running down the stairs apologizing, but stopped abruptly in the middle of the staircase when he saw my glare. I pick up his stupid basketball and throw it as hard as I can back to him. He catches it, but then dropped it because it hurt his hand. He then picked up the ball and fled.

“Levi?” Jean calls over to me. I could tell he was holding back a snicker. The other two just looked concerned, though. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” I say, checking for blood. When I saw none I made my way over to them and stopped in front of Jean. The amusement on his face went away when he saw my expression up close. “Jean.”

“Y-yes?” he stutters.

“You went to Eren’s school right?” I ask, crossing my arms. He gives me a look of confusion.

“Uh, yeah, why?” he asks.

“Did you know those basketball dorks that were on his team?” I ask. “What were their names…? Myli-something and Marlo?”

“Mylius?” he asks. I nod. “Yeah, but I was never close to Marlo. Why? Wait, how do you even-”

“Give me his number.”

“Hah? Why?”

“I need to talk to him about Eren. Why else?”

Jean frowns. “You don’t… You don’t even like Eren, right? So why do you care so much about him?” I scoff.

“I don’t care about that brat,” I say. “Like I told you before, the only reason I talked to him in the first place was because I was doing a friend a favor. That guy is the most unsociable, unappreciative, little shit ever. Not to mention he’s as fake as Kim Kardashian’s ass when it comes to the way he talks to people. But I want to confirm something so I need to talk to Mylius.”

Jean was glaring at me, obviously not liking what I was saying about his ex. Armin and Marco didn’t look all that happy either. I roll my eyes and yank Jean down by his shirt, looking him sharply in the eyes.

“Look, Jean,” I start and he swallows thickly, “I’m not planning to do anything bad. I want to ask his friends a couple questions. Is that so wrong?” He shakes his head. “Give me his number… Please.”

He looks surprised when I say please, but nods. I let go of his shirt and he reaches into his pocket, pulling out his phone. He gave me Mylius’ number and I thanked him, apologizing for being so rough.

“It’s no problem...” he says with a shrug.

“Just what is your relation to Eren?” Armin asks.

“Yeah, I don’t get you,” Marco says, furrowing his brow. “You say all this shit about him, but then you want to know more about him?”

“Well, we’re not friends, if that’s what you’re asking. The guy hates me. Didn’t even say thank you when I helped him through a panic attack.”

“Wha—when did _that_ happen?!” Armin asks, standing.

“Just now,” I say. “He’s probably asleep now, though.” All three gave a look of relief. I waved and then started to walk away, about to send a text to Mylius.

“Wait—Levi! Watch out!” I hear Armin call out to me. I stop abruptly as a cart of cleaning supplies comes rolling in front of me before slamming into the wall. Geez, what the hell? Where did _that_ come from? Nobody came running after it, so I assume it was just some shitty brat causing trouble. “Are you okay? That thing almost rammed into you.”

“I’m fine,” I assure him. “Thanks.” And then I walk to that café inside the school. The same tall, nervous looking guy has been working here since last year. His name is Bertolt. He never looks comfortable no matter where I see him. I take a seat on the couch and then send Mylius a text. He responded right away, to my surprise.

After our [conversation ](http://idiocyonaplate.tumblr.com/post/128651867883/i-used-my-own-phone-for-this-xd-i-had-to-edit-the)I went to the parking lot and got into my beat up, old car to drive the mall. I’m not sure what I was expecting to get out of this. I’m not doing it to understand Eren, nor am I doing it because after this I want to talk to him. I’m just acting on a sudden impulse. An incredibly stupid impulse, really. But whatever. No going back now, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, thank you guys so much for 6000 hits! ;A; And freaking 330 kudos!? Holy crap you guys are amazing *sobs* I don't deserve this ;0; 
> 
> Anyways... Yeah... That happened. Haha... Ha.. ehhh..... Geeeeez, I am _so_ worried about this chapter! Since it's been so long I wanted to make sure that this chapter was really good, but idek I'm pretty sure it was really bad and probably really confusing? It was also longer than usual (I think), but that was mostly to make up for lost time! I tried to keep it reasonable! ;O; Idk OTL Please tell me what you thought of it! ;A;  
>  Also, I mean... I just really wanted to add in @100_percent_weeb's idea ;A;) But when I actually wrote the scene, I hadn't looked back at the comment (like I should have ;-;). I just went by memory of the general idea, thus why it came out _completely_ differently than I had originally planned. In other words I kind of winged it, which resulted in this piece of shit chapter. And I'm just too stressed to rewrite it. Geez, I think I'm really losing my touch OTL I need to get back to writing on a regular basis :( (( Edit: I also tried using @Ayyy's idea, too, even if it was just a little bit ^w^); ))
> 
> But yeah, if you have any questions you can reach me on Tumblr @ thatanimegeek.tumblr! (( idiocyonaplate is sort of just like a backup tumblr I guess. i don't use it often. )). ^3^)/ Or just leave a comment below! Tell me how I can improve! Or point out a mistake. Please point out any mistakes you see. Please. 
> 
> Anyways, look out for chapter 19!!! (( since the last chapter wasn't an actual chapter, just think of this one as chapter 18 )) Thank you for reading!!! (●´∀｀●)


	20. "Fun" Times At the Mall!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi tries to learn more about Eren through Mylius and Marlo, but doesn't know why he's going so far for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!... I know, it's been literally 2 years (last updated: 8/20/15... it's 14/17) since I've updated and I'm so sorry for that!;;; I really do love all of my stories but it's been really hard to commit to them... but here you go! I hope it's not underwhelming! I'll try to make it better as I continue!!
> 
> I'm very, VERY nervous posting it but I promise it'll get better!! m(,_ _,)m
> 
> Thank you for all the encouragement over the years! And SEVEN THOUSAND hits with 400 kudos?! I can't believe it!! It means SO SO much to me, that you'd want me to continue even though this has been on hiatus for so long... I can't promise consistent updates but I think I can promise you won't have to wait 2 years every time, haha. ^^;
> 
> Now, onto the chapter! Enjoy!

I only had to wait a few minutes before I saw Mylius and Marlo heading toward the mall. I got out of my car and met them at the entrance.

“Hi!” Mylius greets me cheerfully. Marlo nodded politely.

“Hi,” I greet back. “Let’s go inside, yeah?”

“Okay,” Mylius says, walking inside, Marlo following. I walk in after them.

We go to the food court where Marlo and I wait for Mylius to go buy a smoothie from a Chinese place that was there. When he came back he sat down next to Marlo.

“So what’s going on with the captain?” he asks. “Did something happen? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” I say. “He should be, at least. Are you familiar with him having panic attacks in the past?” Marlo and Mylius look at each other before shaking their heads.

“I’ve never heard anything about it,” Marlo says.

“Eren never really talked to us,” Mylius sighs. “I always looked up to him, though. A perfect student and athlete, a kind smile- and I’m sure he was caring, he just… didn’t let himself get close to anyone. I would always beg him to help me with basketball but he’d always refuse. We won most of our games, although sometimes random injuries would happen.”

“’Random’?” I raise an eyebrow. “It’s basketball. Don’t accidents always happen in sports?”

“Yeah but… these were different. Usually they can be explained. Like playing dirty or making a wrong move, but these were just out of nowhere. On both our team and the other team. Once the entire hoop came down! It was during one of our hardest games. Their star player got past Eren and dunked the ball, and the thing just came down! It was crazy. Actually, it was pretty sad. He moved in time for it to not do any fatal damage, but it smashed his right leg. He can’t even walk now. It was a real shame.” Mylius sighs. “The captain had actually worked up the nerve to talk to him, too! It was their third conversation. They looked like they’d be pretty good friends. Eren really looked up to him as a player and then he could never play again. Eren was devastated. He actually stopped coming to practice for a while.”

It took me a moment to take all this in. That was definitely weird. I feel bad for whoever Eren’s friend was. He had friends in high school who still play basketball now, so he can only imagine the toll that took on him.

“And there was no explanation?” Levi asks. “It wasn’t already broken?”

“Brand new,” Mylius says with a shrug. “Eren was and is a good guy. He always gave off this mysterious air, so he was really popular with the ladies. It was straight out of a movie! Princely smile, dashing good looks, athletic and an honor student—he was ‘the perfect guy’ according to my female friends. Hell, even we could say that he was pretty perfect, right Marlo?” Mylius laughs.

“Uh, sure,” Marlo says unsurely. “I respected Eren as a teammate. He was an excellent player but I never understood why he’d never stayed for celebrations. I thought that maybe he had a sort of social anxiety, but I could tell from the few conversations we’ve had with him and seen he really liked people.

“I mean, I’m not big on going to these types of things either, but winning basketball games always felt like a time when the whole team needed to be there, even though I didn’t play in games at the time. It just didn’t feel... _right_ , without Eren, since he was our captain, and all.”

“We did convince him to come once,” Mylius perks up again. “We went out for pizza. Even though he came, though, Eren still wouldn’t really talk to us. He sat at the very end of the table and sort of just watched us have fun. He looked like he wanted to join in so I tried to get him to do so but he just kept brushing me off. It was sort of frustrating and so I asked him what the point of coming was if he wasn’t going to enjoy himself. ‘You’re the one who asked me to come,’ was his response, which honestly made me sort of happy because he did it just for us.

“Unfortunately, just as he was starting to enjoy himself a bit, the light above us fell and broke. Cut my lip and nearly smashed Marlo’s arm. The weirdest part? Eren was the closest to it and didn’t get a scratch on him! Crazy, right? We had to leave early and Eren refused to come to another one of our celebrations like that. Maybe it spooked him? Either way, it was a real bummer.”

“Sounds… heavy,” was all I could think to say. I open my mouth to ask another question but a man in a suit approached Mylius and Marlo before I could. The two look skeptically at each other before following him off to the sidelines, Mylius holding up a finger signaling me to wait. I sigh and lean back in my chair, waiting for them to come back. I watch them, wondering what it was about, but didn’t move from my spot.

Which proved to be a very bad idea because just as I was leaning back some dumbass at least three feet away tripped and their coffee flew right onto my crotch. I curse loudly and go to move out of my seat just at the leg of the chair I was sitting on broke and I fell hard on my ass.

“Oh shit, dude!” the guy says, hurrying over to me. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I mutter, standing. But I wasn’t fine. My dick was on fire, and that’s not okay. I moved past the guy quickly and ran to the bathroom, though I wasn’t sure exactly how the fuck I was going to fix this without taking my pants and underwear off. I check under the other stalls as fast as I can. Well, I’m alone… I looked to the door and walked over, locking it so that nobody else could get in. I cannot believe I’m doing this. But fuck, this hurts! I strip off my pants and then my underwear and toss them into the sink. Still burning, but not near as bad as when he was still wearing them. But now what?

I took some paper towels and wet them with cold water, holding it against my burning dick. The cool water putting a great relief on it.

My only option would be to text Mylius. How embarrassing... not to mention awkward.

Luckily, I didn’t have to be the first one to message him.

Mylius: omg, r u ok D:

Mylius: i saw wat happened! tht looked rlly painful :(

Me: I’m fine but I need your help.

Me: And this is really fucking embarrassing so please never speak of it again.

Me: I need you to buy me a new pair of pants. I’ll pay you back.

Mylius: lol no prob! ill bts. u in da bathroom?

Me: Yeah.

Mylius: u need underwear, too? c;

Me: Ugh, it doesn’t matter. Just please hurry. I locked the door so the

moment someone has to take a shit I won’t be “safe” for long.

Mylius: kk! b there in like 7 minutes ^o^

I sigh in relief. Hopefully nobody will come knocking. The last thing I need is an employee coming to unlock the door and making me come out with my dick hanging out.

Of course I wasn’t that lucky. After two minutes waiting for Mylius, I hear the door being tried. I swallow thickly. Then there’s a knock and I hold my breath hoping the guy’ll just go away. A moment later footsteps and I sigh in relief. Mylius better hurry up. For all I know he’s going to go ask about someone about it. Someone with a key.

A few minutes later there’s another knock at the door, and I almost let out and frustrated groan before hearing Mylius’, “Leviii, I got you pants!” to which I get out of the stall.

“You’re alone, right?”

“Well, Marlo is here.”

Since it was just those two I open the door without bothering to cover up and they come in quickly. Mylius turns around after locking the door to hand me my pants before freezing. His eyes move downwards for a split second before he quickly averted them back to my face and handed me a pair of joggers.

“Thanks,” I say, tossing the bag in the trash and sliding the pants on.

“Wow, Levi, you sure are… shameless,” Marlo coughs, eyes still averted.

“You could say that,” I say with a shrug.

“It’s probably because he’s got nothing to be ashamed of,” Mylius sighs, leaning against the wall. “Nothing. I think I need to question my masculinity…”

“Thanks?” I roll my eyes. I guess if I was lucky in anything, it was my schlong. And I definitely wasn’t afraid of showing off- so long as it doesn’t get me arrested.

We got out of the bathroom finally and began to make our way back to the food court.

“What did that guy want, by the way?” I ask them.

“Hm? Oh! You’ll never believe this, but he was a scouter!” Mylius said excitedly.

“A scouter?” I repeat, confused.

“He was scouting at one of our recent games for some reason! He said I was an exceptional player and that Marlo had a lot of potential. He said we might be able to get scholarships for college!”

“Wow, that’s great,” I say unenthusiastically. I was happy for them, but my voice doesn’t always make that clear. They don’t seem to take offense, though.

“So how do you know Jean?” Mylius asks curiously.

“He thought I was hitting on his ex.”

“Oh,” was all her responded with.

“Well, I’m leaving now,” I say. “Thanks for meeting up with me.”

“What, already?” Mylius asks, disappointed.

“We already discussed what I wanted to,” I say. “And I want to go shower.”

“Okaaay,” Mylius says, reluctantly letting elder go without a fight. “See you, Levi!”

“Bye, Levi,” Marlo says. I wave to them before walking away.

I went to the bus stop and waited. A few minutes later, guess who shows up! Why, Eren, of course. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

As expected, though, he completely ignores me, headphones plugged in, head bobbing slightly to whatever he was listening to.

Five minutes passed without the bus coming, Eren decides to sit down on the small bench by the bus stop sign, next to where I was. Still, neither of us said anything.

Eren POV:

When I saw Levi was in the direction I was heading, I grimaced, turning the volume up on my music in case he decided to try and talk to me again. Luckily, though, he seems to have learned that I want nothing to do with him because he doesn’t say anything. Hardly even looks my way.

The bus is running late. It’s already five minutes after it was supposed to be here and I didn’t feel like standing. Reluctantly, I moved and sat next to Levi. Still neither of us said anything.

The bus finally came and I was relieved to see there was hardly anyone on. As usual, I moved to the very back of the bus and sat there. Levi moved towards the back but didn't sit next to me. Instead, he sat a couple seats in front of me, much to my relief.

I keep my headphones plugged in as I tap my foot nervously. Public transportation always makes me anxious, even if there's not many people. I know I had my car and all, but I can’t always remember where I park it and I was already in a hurry so I had to jump onto the bus.

The problem is, I think the worse my mood is the worse the effects of my curse are. So if I feel too on edge, the chances are I'll cause an accident.

I can't calm down, though! Thinking about how terrible things could turn out is... it's really kind of scary.

Yet even so, I felt an odd calmness that I don't feel often. I felt angry and anxious and calm all at once. I can't figure out where the ease is coming from, though! It's just there, in the back of my head, like a buzz. Like I know nothing is going to happen, but why? Why would nothing happen?

* * *

Levi POV:

I chose to sit a few seats in front of Eren, giving him his personal space and myself a bus ride without argument. Still, I couldn't help glancing over my shoulder at him. He was staring at his phone, still bobbing his head lightly to his music.

I saw his eyes glance up at me, but when he saw I was already looking he looked taken aback and shifted his eyes back to his phone. He still looked pissed off, brow furrowed as he kept his eyes glue to his phone screen.

Rolling my eyes, I turn back to the front of the bus. I close my eyes and lean my head back, ignoring the sounds of the few others on the bus. I felt a weird sense of calm. Almost as if I were safe. It was an on and off feeling.

Something bad is going to happen! No, wait, you’re wrong. I’m wrong? Yeah, you’re right, I’m wrong. Wait- no! Nothing is going to happen.

Over and over like that. I can’t tell why. I feel irritated like usual, but at the same time, there’s like... a buzzing feeling in the back of my head, telling me I don’t have to worry for now.

“Shit,” I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning my head against the window.

The next thing I heard was someone calling my name. I opened my eyes and looked around.

“Where am I?” I ask aloud. Nobody answered, but I could hear my name again.

“ _Levi_!” they called.

“Hello?” I call back, raising my voice louder. Where I was, it was completely white. No scenery, no furniture… Am I outdoors or indoors? I can feel a breeze but it feels almost like a window.

“ _Levi, come on_!” they call. I swerve my head around.

“Where are you?” I ask, cupping my hands around my mouth to try and make my sound travel more. It didn’t get any louder, though. I furrow my brow. “Hello!”

“ _Come on, already_!” they sound in an annoyed tone. I started running in the direction I thought I heard the voice.

“If you would just tell me where you are-!” I called out, but I couldn’t tell if I was moving. Nothing moved around me no matter how hard I ran.

“ _Levi, wake the fuck up_!”

“Wha-?” I started, confused, before I felt something push hard on my shoulder.

I woke with a start, shooting up straight and and nearly slamming my head against the wall. Eren took a step back, looking annoyed with me. I blinked and looked around. We were the last ones on the bus.

“Geez, what’s your deal?” Eren asks with a huff. “You’re lucky I didn’t just leave you on the bus.”

Then he started walking.

“I seriously don’t see why all the girls are so attracted to you,” I mutter. He hears me and turns his head to glare at me.

“Well I don’t see the hype around you either, Shortstack,” Eren huffs, flipping his scarf over his shoulder and walking off the bus. I grit my teeth and jog after him, hopping down the three bus steps.

“Go away,” Eren frowned when Levi ended up next to him.

“We’re going to the same place,” I remind him. He flushes for a moment before pulling his scarf over his mouth and averting his eyes, grumbling to himself. He acted like such a child sometimes.

After an awkward five minute walk to the university we separate, but the moment we do I feel a strange uneasiness. I glance back at him and he looks worried, eyebrows furrowed as he glances from side to side, as if he’s waiting for something terrible to happen. He holds his stomach before sprinting to the dormitory. I narrow my eyes at he strange behavior but shake it off, heading to the dormitory myself.

On my way to my dorm, I found I couldn't get Eren out of my head. I didn't even like the kid, yet no matter what I do he keeps coming back to mind. He pisses me off so much yet… why can't I just ignore him?

Originally I was going to befriend him only because of Hannes, but at this point I don't think I want anything to do with him. He was too stubborn! But I have to deal with him in class a lot. What a pain in the ass...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... imsorryitsucks.
> 
> So as I was going over this I felt a lot of things in this chapter were very stupid, but I guess that happens when you've worked on a chapter on and off for 2 years, haha... but I'm not displeased with the chapter! I just know the next one will be much better, haha. ^-^
> 
> I'll be honest, I've kind of fallen away from RiRen because so many shippers are so dickish. But all the nice ones seem t find my stories, haha! You all are amazing and I feel so encouraged and loved with each comment, silly or detailed. I don't hate RiRen, for the record!!! I'm just not AS big of a shipper as I was before. But that doesn't mean I will try any less on my fics than I have before. Lots of love! See you in the next chapter!!! <3<3


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